Friend giving me a hard time about not hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be paying when you go out to eat.

+1000

If you can’t host at your house, you must ‘host’ at a restaurant and cover all costs for your friends.

Lucky you, it’s a lot less work than hosting at home!

[Anonymous]

Op here - I should also mention that there’s other people in the friend group who would prefer to go out but this friends husband makes a big deal about not going out to eat with other couples, even though they eat out all the time the two of them. Other people are annoyed about it and feel pressured into hosting. Another thing is they’re obsessive about environmental stuff and don’t eat meat or use single use anything. Last time I coordinated the park picnic they threw a huge fit about not wanting to use single use plastics so they wouldn’t eat the pizza the rest of us ordered/ brought their own food even though we ordered cheese pizzas without any meat for them. The food they cook is also gross and I know the other husbands get annoyed about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I should also mention that there’s other people in the friend group who would prefer to go out but this friends husband makes a big deal about not going out to eat with other couples, even though they eat out all the time the two of them. Other people are annoyed about it and feel pressured into hosting. Another thing is they’re obsessive about environmental stuff and don’t eat meat or use single use anything. Last time I coordinated the park picnic they threw a huge fit about not wanting to use single use plastics so they wouldn’t eat the pizza the rest of us ordered/ brought their own food even though we ordered cheese pizzas without any meat for them. The food they cook is also gross and I know the other husbands get annoyed about it

Girlllllll.
Get yourself a new friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I should also mention that there’s other people in the friend group who would prefer to go out but this friends husband makes a big deal about not going out to eat with other couples, even though they eat out all the time the two of them. Other people are annoyed about it and feel pressured into hosting. Another thing is they’re obsessive about environmental stuff and don’t eat meat or use single use anything. Last time I coordinated the park picnic they threw a huge fit about not wanting to use single use plastics so they wouldn’t eat the pizza the rest of us ordered/ brought their own food even though we ordered cheese pizzas without any meat for them. The food they cook is also gross and I know the other husbands get annoyed about it

Off topic but I have to ask: the couple that is "obsessive about environmental stuff" do they travel often? I love the environmental warriors who can't use a ziploc bag but then fly all over with their carbon footprints.

[Anonymous]

I am married with 3 kids.

I love hanging out at friend’s homes. My childhood best friend is childless and divorced. I often just go to her place and hang out like we were in college.

I would just say your home isn’t adequate for hosting and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I should also mention that there’s other people in the friend group who would prefer to go out but this friends husband makes a big deal about not going out to eat with other couples, even though they eat out all the time the two of them. Other people are annoyed about it and feel pressured into hosting. Another thing is they’re obsessive about environmental stuff and don’t eat meat or use single use anything. Last time I coordinated the park picnic they threw a huge fit about not wanting to use single use plastics so they wouldn’t eat the pizza the rest of us ordered/ brought their own food even though we ordered cheese pizzas without any meat for them. The food they cook is also gross and I know the other husbands get annoyed about it

Get some new friends.

You will find a lot of friend shifting at this time in life.

I’m not saying you need to drop these friends but make some new friends. Maybe one day you will have a boyfriend or husband and be the one to host.

I used to never host. Now I host the most. I appreciate those who used to host me.

We have friends who we have hosted dozens of times in my home and of course treated. They never reciprocate. They never treat. It feels one sided. I once went to their home and we went out to eat and they made me pay. It made me feel bad because I have literally fed them at my house 30-40 times and they didn’t even feed me when I went to their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I should also mention that there’s other people in the friend group who would prefer to go out but this friends husband makes a big deal about not going out to eat with other couples, even though they eat out all the time the two of them. Other people are annoyed about it and feel pressured into hosting. Another thing is they’re obsessive about environmental stuff and don’t eat meat or use single use anything. Last time I coordinated the park picnic they threw a huge fit about not wanting to use single use plastics so they wouldn’t eat the pizza the rest of us ordered/ brought their own food even though we ordered cheese pizzas without any meat for them. The food they cook is also gross and I know the other husbands get annoyed about it

You "forgot to mention" something that makes you look significantly more reasonable and the person you're arguing with look crazy? Right.

[Anonymous]

When I lived in a tiny studio, I invited friends to join me on a picnic in the park and packed wine and cheese for the group. There are tons of music events in the city that are great for this.

[Anonymous]

Ok I missed that your friends don't like picnics? In that case, just bring lots of wine to your friends when they host, or pick up a cake from a great bakery, etc.

[Anonymous]

You are being unreasonable, OP. If you want to, you can host your friends in your home. And if you don't like them enough to host them, stop accepting their invites.

I frequently host 10 adults in a 350sq space.They are comfortable in the space for several hours (6 bar stools , a couch and an armchair).

[Anonymous]

Or treat them at a restaurant.

This has been explained to OP.

It's okay to not like those options and disengage from the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or treat them at a restaurant.

This has been explained to OP.

It's okay to not like those options and disengage from the group.

This. OP, "initiating," which you seem to think is equivalent to hosting, is basically spending 60 seconds to send a text. If you don't want to expend money and effort to hold up your end, that's fine. But you're technically freeloading, and while some people may like your company enough to take that deal, they're under no obligation to do so. The friend who's urging you to step up has a point, but you can also just get out if you're so inclined.

[Anonymous]

It's possible the friend is doing her best to give OP a warning before the group cuts her off, in which case it's pretty generous of friend, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They see you as a taker. Which sounds like an accurate description from your posts so far.

Agreed. I bet OP’s apartment building has a common space she can book and use.