Friend giving me a hard time about not hosting
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Anonymous
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We’re in our late 20s and I’m the only one in our DC friend group that doesn’t live with a partner & lives in a 400 square foot studio downtown. I also work a pretty demanding media job where I don’t have evenings open so I rarely cook for myself or anyone else. I also don’t have seating for more than 3 people, have a huge office set up in my apartment and super limited space, so when I initiate plans for everyone I usually make restaurant reservations.
Also I’m frankly busy & have limited time to date because of my job so I love going out to restaurants and actually want to enjoy my free time One of my married friends keeps bringing up that I never host which is bizarre because I do initiate plans as frequently as anyone else- but all of them have balconies, actual tables and kitchens with dishwashers ect and enough space for everyone. Can she not read a room and understand why I wouldn’t want a ton of people in my tiny apartment or am I the dramatic one? |
Anonymous
| Just make it clear to all that you aren’t able to host at your place but more than willing to bring a sweet or savory dish and help out with set up and clean up. You can host a low hassle but fun picnic in park once a year. |
Anonymous
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Both things can - and in this case, are - true. With your big big job (!!!), you are being dramatic. She hasn’t connected the dot of your small apartment with the dot of you initiating through online reservation services.
A little more open communication, a little more self-awareness would help you both. |
Anonymous
| I also don’t love having her husband in particular over because he complains about everything - like how my couch is uncomfortable, the TV is small ect. Forgot to mention that part |
Anonymous
| I also always bring something over but it’s usually a box of Levein cookies or nice wine - not homemade. |
Anonymous
| That's rude of them. I would just say "I can't wait until I'm not in a studio and able to do that!" |
Anonymous
| You can also invite one or two couples for pizza and dessert, instead of inviting whole group together. Just use paper plates and cups, no need for Victorian dinnerware. |
Anonymous
| Do you ever offer to bring food or help clean up? We host a ton because we genuinely enjoy it, but it can be costly and take up a lot of time! So if your friends are always shelling out the money to host and then also paying if you go to a restaurant, I can maybe see why she's annoyed. Personally, I think it's ridiculous. We would never expect anyone to pay us to host. But maybe you can offer to help either by bringing something or helping clean up? |
Anonymous
| I too hate cramping lots of people in my private space. |
Anonymous
| Offer to co host with her. You will bring the food (buy it) and the event will be at her place. That is the best you can do right now. Betty..have you noticed my apartment seats 3 people. I am not hosting! |
Anonymous
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She literally cant read a room - to include yours.
Call her on it. Only way she’s going to stop begging. |
Anonymous
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So you happily accept their offers to dinner and whatnot, but can't be bothered to contribute because your job is SO! IMPORTANT! and BUSY! But you reciprocate often by clicking away at your phone for 10 secs to secure reservations.
Gotcha |
Anonymous
Don’t feel cornered into inviting rude people. If they don’t want to be friends, their loss not yours. |
Anonymous
Even if you don’t want to cook, buy a side , entree or dessert and arrange it nicely on a platter to show some effort. |
Anonymous
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Eating out is expensive financially and hosting often costs a lot of time (prep, playing hsot during the gathering, clean up after). Sounds lik your friend is paying a lot either way and never gets a "break" since she's either hosting or paying a returant bill. Do you contribute when others host? A bottle of wine, store bought dessert, something.
It sounds like you just don't like her very much and would rather work your "big job." So just do that and enjoy being alone. |