Friend giving me a hard time about not hosting

[Anonymous]

Host at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

You should be paying when you go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Op does pay?

[Anonymous]

Like others have said, you need to be paying the restaurant bill for EVERYTHING for EVERYONE on the days in the rotation where it’s “your turn”. Not just “contributing” a bit here and there. That’s of course assuming that the couples are hosting twice in every rotation since there are two people attending everything. Because if you’re not footing the bill for everyone, you’re not actually contributing enough money, and that’s probably what the men are complaining about. You can’t just pay “your” part of the bill when you “host” at a restaurant and expect others to pay for their own meals. That’s not hosting. Making a phone call to get a dinner reservation where everyone chips in isn’t the same thing as inviting others to come eat at your place for free.

[Anonymous]

It's etc., not ect. As in "et cetera". Carry on!

[Anonymous]

Her comments are a non-subtle insinuation that you need to grow up and get an actual home, like the rest of the friend group. She is frustrated trying to maintain a friend group with people of similar ages who are yet still at fundamentally different stages of life.

It sucks but I sort of get it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're single, all your friends have partners. You need to hang out with single people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op does pay?

I don’t think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also don’t love having her husband in particular over because he complains about everything - like how my couch is uncomfortable, the TV is small ect. Forgot to mention that part

You can tell your friend that you don’t host because 1. your apartment is too tiny with no seating. Or 2. because her husband has mentioned several times how uncomfortable your set up is. Or 3. You occasionally host and hopefully your friends are like me. I don’t need anything fancy. Pizza or Chinese and good conversation.

[Anonymous]

Host a ladies movie or game night, so it's only half as many people. Go all out on cooking or catering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and I cannot imagine asking anyone to host something, ever - is that just me?

If you are in a group where everyone takes turn hosting, your turn will come and people are going to feel comfortable asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also should note money is no object for anyone else in this group. Each individual makes over 150k a year

Since when 150k a year became , “ money is no object” tier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here yes I do always contribute financially, help clean, and I always bring something - but it’s usually something premade or ice cream, casserole from 1310. I do work in journalism and have weird hours!

And I definitely don’t like people’s husbands in my private space, that’s a big part of it

I completely understand this. When you're in a studio you're basically inviting people to hang out in your bedroom. I have a room divider that partially separates my bed from the rest of the living space, but there's no hiding that my bedroom and living area share the same space. It makes it very awkward to entertain.

This^. People need to respect that small spaces aren’t for hosting. If they don’t want to stay friends, that’s their prerogative but hosting at their place doesn’t make them eligible to violate boundaries of their guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here yes I do always contribute financially, help clean, and I always bring something - but it’s usually something premade or ice cream, casserole from 1310. I do work in journalism and have weird hours!

And I definitely don’t like people’s husbands in my private space, that’s a big part of it

I completely understand this. When you're in a studio you're basically inviting people to hang out in your bedroom. I have a room divider that partially separates my bed from the rest of the living space, but there's no hiding that my bedroom and living area share the same space. It makes it very awkward to entertain.

This^. People need to respect that small spaces aren’t for hosting. If they don’t want to stay friends, that’s their prerogative but hosting at their place doesn’t make them eligible to violate boundaries of their guests.

Umm it’s violating all boundaries of reasonable behavior to continue going to friends’ homes for dinner, knowing it’s a ROTATION and then never actually host when it’s your turn or at least pay for everyone (not just OP) to dine at a restaurant instead.

[Anonymous]

They see you as a taker. Which sounds like an accurate description from your posts so far.