Would you hang onto a marriage with someone who doesn’t love you for the sake of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Note that dude could always file for divorce but hasn’t. I wonder why? I suspect he wants this to be a joint decision which is in a way kind of considerate.

Or he doesn’t want to own it.

[Anonymous]

I am currently in a situation where I am staying for the kids and it isn’t always easy. It’s been 12 years since I knew divorce was the long term outcome of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note that dude could always file for divorce but hasn’t. I wonder why? I suspect he wants this to be a joint decision which is in a way kind of considerate.

Or he doesn’t want to own it.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Note that dude could always file for divorce but hasn’t. I wonder why? I suspect he wants this to be a joint decision which is in a way kind of considerate.

Lolz

More like he’s lazy, passive aggressive, or wants her to so he can pay victim later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people support your idea to having this relationship limp along on life support. Why don't you want better for yourself? I know it's unfair, it's not how things were suppose to end up, but have some self respect and accept reality!

Lots of rich people don’t divorce. One party just stays at the beach house a lot, etc. If neither party wants to have another relationship, this can work. Honestly, this might be the kind of guy who realizes the grass isn’t greener and decides to work on the marriage.

My husband and I still love each other very much. But if he came to me tomorrow and said he didn’t love me, I would very much be having a logistical conversation with him. We have a child with profound SN, and it is easier to take care of her together than in two households. And realistically, right now, I think my other 14 year old would want to stay with me a lot more than him (which would break his heart and isn’t actually good for her either). I would likely highly encourage him to move into our in law suite and try to coparent that way for one year just to see how it might work. That way he sees the kids daily which is good for everyone. Honestly, I think my husband would quickly realize he preferred to live in the main house with all of us and that what I bring to the table brings a lot of good into his life.

There doesn’t seem to be a need to run to divorce court in the very specific scenario presented.

Boomers!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. It’s also a bad example for your kids. You get one life…don’t settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I think the underlying reason is that he probably never really wanted this marriage. He’s an extreme introvert and kinda tried me on for a while thinking it would be good for him. But 15 years in, he wants to read his books, hike and pursue his hobbies. He has very few needs for people—we have “couple friends” who we see frequently and he has a few of his own friends who he sees occasionally…but social interaction is not high on his list of priorities.

He is a very good father—quiet, but attentive and interested. I think he spends all of the emotional energy he has on being connected with the kids and has nothing left for me, friends or other relationships. He is truly good with the kids—we hike together a lot as a family, he comes to all sporting events, he talks to them about their days, he plans vacations with their interests in mind, etc. I handle all kid logistics but he handles lots of other logistics—e.g. vacation planning, home repairs, more than 50% of the cooking, etc.

I can relate to this, very similar situation. That’s the perfect way to put it— feeling like you were “tried on” but ultimately, they want the old life back and the things that make them most comfortable/happy. Mine too has a load of hobbies and personal interests I’m not involved in nor would even be interested in, almost seems as if men like this got married because an undertow pulled them out into marriage and they spend the rest of the marriage pining for the shore that will let them go back to their old cool single dude life again. And no, it’s not necessarily to date another woman, just to be the fun dude who can go biking/jet skiing/take classes/take up new hobbies/visit friends in Europe, you name it. And if another woman wants to play ball and support his hobbies like, awesome (but she better not become a pain in the ass and get in the way.)

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a very unhealthy “marriage ” to model for your kids.

They are better off hearing the truth (it is their truth too), and perhaps seeing their parents in love and affectionate with a romantic partner before it is time for them to choose their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I don't think you can do this indefinitely, and speaking as someone with kids graduating high school, right now seems like a horrible time to divorce. So awful as it is you might be better off doing it now.

Also, while the welfare of the kids is really important, it sounds like he would be a good co-parent, and you also deserve to have a decent life.

And kids with depressed parents (this can’t be great for your self esteem) don’t fare too well themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question — do you give him BJ’s and lots of 🐱 OP? And how often? And how receptive is he to receiving those things?

OMG. Please take your lack of respect for women elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, just commiseration. I’m in this boat, too. My husband hates absolutely everything about me except that I make his life convenient and it makes me so sad that I don’t have someone to have a real relationship with right now, but I can’t bear the thought of not seeing my kids everyday. My youngest is only 5 and my plan is to try to cope until he’s a teen and then leave. I’m a SAHM and he obsessively controls all finances so that’s another added challenge to leaving. All of the paths seem hard, this is the hard that I’m choosing. I hope that I’m not too old to find a real partner and a real relationship once my kids are older.

Just know you aren’t alone!

Divorce is extremely traumatic for adolescents.

You are being selfish, and don’t want to face independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

You sound like Jackie Kennedy.

There is no need to pay for a youthful mistake (ie, marriage to the wrong man) for a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I didn’t read any other post except your first one.

OP, do you belive you deserve better?

In normal relationship sometimes you falling in and out of love. It s pretty normal but you don’t keep telling your partner that I don’t love you anymore, I want out etc. Because at that points, it got to the point of no return.

However, your husband repeatedly did that. I believe you deserve better, OP. Even if you don’t find someone head over heels with you in the future, to me, be by myself is better than being with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

Your spouse definitely divorced from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

It’s true. Divorce is trashy and lower middle class

Staying w a man who doesn’t want you, cares less about the kids and probably cheating is just as trashy…

Or maybe reserved for the rich.

For transactional women, with low self esteem maybe? 🤔