Would you hang onto a marriage with someone who doesn’t love you for the sake of kids?

[Anonymous]

My husband has told me that he’s not in love with me and that he doesn’t see that changing with therapy or anything else. He’s civil to me most of the time (occasionally rude/condescending, but nothing too terrible). About a year ago, he told me he wants to move out and I convinced him to stay for the sake of the kids. Today he told me again that he doesn’t see our relationship changing and that he feels that we both deserve to be happier.

Should I try to convince him to stay again? The idea of breaking my kids’ hearts and destroying their stability kills me. I can not imagine not seeing them everyday and splitting every vacation, every visit from college, etc.

We don’t have a lot of conflict, and we get along around the kids. We do lots of stuff together as a family and I genuinely enjoy those times. I think our kids would truly be shocked if we split, as would our friends—we appear to be a solid, caring couple. But the second we are alone, we just do our own things and completely disconnect form one an other. We don’t have sx, don’t cuddle, etc. We do share info about our work, our days, etc. our household isn’t tense or angry. It’s just that there’s no connection between us except for the kids.

Putting the financial hit aside, would you fight to stay in this marriage. Thinking of splitting time with my kids is breaking my heart!!

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, this so very heartbreaking. Something similar happened to me, and I found out he was having an affair. Can that be?

[Anonymous]

I think it would depend on the ages of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Depends. If the kids are in late high school, I would consider staying to see them through. Everyone says it messes kids up to divorce during college, but I think if they know your marriage is bad it will not shock them. And they may come to appreciate that they never had to do joint custody or change schools.

If you need more time to prepare for divorce then definitely stay married until you feel ready. It isn't something you should do hastily.

[Anonymous]

This actually sounds towards the goodish end of the spectrum as far as marriages go. People have idealized fantasies of what it's like.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Kids are finishing up 3rd and 5th.

It’s not an affair. We both work from home, share our locations on our phone and he has no shady behavior around the computer or phone—leaves things open and visible. He hands me his phone frequently to do various things and never seems concerned.

He is an introvert and his outings are really just family stuff on weekends.

I know everyone’s first guess is an affair but I really don’t think that’s it—I can’t think of a time in the past year when he’s not at the house and I don’t know exactly where he is.

[Anonymous]

It is an affair.

[Anonymous]

If they were bad or negligent at parenting, communicating, judgment, and doing adult things, probably yes.

That doesn’t get better if divorced.

That doesn’t get better for you, with “co-parenting.”

That doesn’t get better for you or the kids with new dates, 2nd spouses, or blended families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has told me that he’s not in love with me and that he doesn’t see that changing with therapy or anything else. He’s civil to me most of the time (occasionally rude/condescending, but nothing too terrible). About a year ago, he told me he wants to move out and I convinced him to stay for the sake of the kids. Today he told me again that he doesn’t see our relationship changing and that he feels that we both deserve to be happier.

Should I try to convince him to stay again? The idea of breaking my kids’ hearts and destroying their stability kills me. I can not imagine not seeing them everyday and splitting every vacation, every visit from college, etc.

We don’t have a lot of conflict, and we get along around the kids. We do lots of stuff together as a family and I genuinely enjoy those times. I think our kids would truly be shocked if we split, as would our friends—we appear to be a solid, caring couple. But the second we are alone, we just do our own things and completely disconnect form one an other. We don’t have sx, don’t cuddle, etc. We do share info about our work, our days, etc. our household isn’t tense or angry. It’s just that there’s no connection between us except for the kids.

Putting the financial hit aside, would you fight to stay in this marriage. Thinking of splitting time with my kids is breaking my heart!!

Is he a zero emotional or zero empathy type person?

Something here doesn’t make sense. Like the underlying issue is missing (mental disorder, abuse, big letdown, affair, big financial reason, major hidden agenda, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Something is up, OR he is one of those totally detached, self-centered never really love anything types.

Either way, good riddance.

Keep an eye on the assets and money accounts

[Anonymous]

In your case, yeah, he's not abusive so I would try so I could still live with the kids. A two-family home might actually work for you guys. You could also tell him you don't care if he has an affair, as long as he doesn't expect to sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

I'm this this kind of marriage except we'reboth staying for the kids. I'm sorry to say OP, but he's got to want it too.

[Anonymous]

Wait a min.
So he has only said things like “I’m not in love, I don’t like be married, I want to move out?”

Has he said the word divorce? Does he want a divorce?

*WHY* does he want to move out? Is married life with kids too overwhelming and demanding for him?

[Anonymous]

Is this another one of those autism spectrum posts?

If so yes, having a separate apartment to decompress is better for him.

Hope he has a job and decent income, and won’t become a dependent.

[Anonymous]

Do yourself a favor… Let go.
You can’t convince him of anything.