SIL physically disciplined daughter - advice?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’d tell SIL and her husband point blank period that you are not OK with any kind of physical discipline, whatsoever, and if that’s a problem, no unsupervised visits.

Oh no! Don’t threaten SIL to no longer have the privilege of babysitting OP’s kids for free!

Why is free babysitting for family/freinds seen as such an imposition? I never mind babysitting for relatives kids.

It’s not an imposition when your family/friends don’t act like entitled @$$holes. OP is DEFINITELY imposing on SIL.

And anyone seriously calling three swats on the leg assault should avoid interacting with other people because they are deeply unhinged and have lost ALL sense of perspective.

So if you had a conflict at the grocery store and the other person gave you three swats on the leg to resolve it, it wouldn't be assault?

DP - Am I in charge of supervising that person or not? Can't think go many situations where that person would be in my care and expected to mind me.

So my supervisor can hit me?

Can your supervisor lock you in your room to punish you? Can your supervisor send you to bed without your supper?

(Do you hear how stupid you sound?)

Hmmmm. So what are the parameters for who can use violence against someone over whom they have authority? Ok for teachers to hit kids? What about camp counselors? Any adult? Any babysitter? Where EXACTLY is your line?

I see you have at least abandoned your dumbass attempt at conflating adult interactions with parent-child interactions.

I would not want anyone else to spank my child, for the record. But if an aunt or grandmother did, we’d have a talk about my parenting preferences. I wouldn’t accuse them of being abusive, violent, or of having committed assault. Because I’m not an insane drama llama.

I am not the PP you were arguing with. My question about your EXACT line was my entry into that conversation. So your line is you but it’s fuzzy with other family? This is what you want to teach your children? That the people who are supposed to love and protect them have the right to hit them?

There is no EXACT line and the fact that you think there is (or should be) is emblematic of many of the current problems in our society.

For a fun, admittedly ridiculous example, let’s say your kid was drowning in the ocean and thrashing so much that Uncle couldn’t save them without punching them (to subdue them - it’s been known to happen). Did Uncle ABUSE your child, or did Uncle hit your child BECAUSE he loves them and BECAUSE he is protecting them?

I’m truly sorry that you are unable to understand context or grasp nuance, but I also assume your black and white thinking extends to most if not all aspects of your life. This type of rigidity is actually a problem, both for you personally and also for our society. This type of thinking is why we end up with pregnant women dying in hospitals (because abortion ALWAYS wrong!).

You just keep coming up with bizarre scenarios where hurting a child is the only way to intervene to save their life. I think you are just so into hurting children intentionally that you want to divert attention from the fact that we are talking about excusing violence against children that is intentional.

That’s literally the first such scenario that’s been put forth. You’re not exactly the shiniest apple, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell SIL and her husband point blank period that you are not OK with any kind of physical discipline, whatsoever, and if that’s a problem, no unsupervised visits.

Oh no! Don’t threaten SIL to no longer have the privilege of babysitting OP’s kids for free!

Why is free babysitting for family/freinds seen as such an imposition? I never mind babysitting for relatives kids.

It’s not an imposition when your family/friends don’t act like entitled @$$holes. OP is DEFINITELY imposing on SIL.

And anyone seriously calling three swats on the leg assault should avoid interacting with other people because they are deeply unhinged and have lost ALL sense of perspective.

So if you had a conflict at the grocery store and the other person gave you three swats on the leg to resolve it, it wouldn't be assault?

DP - Am I in charge of supervising that person or not? Can't think go many situations where that person would be in my care and expected to mind me.

So my supervisor can hit me?

Can your supervisor lock you in your room to punish you? Can your supervisor send you to bed without your supper?

(Do you hear how stupid you sound?)

Hmmmm. So what are the parameters for who can use violence against someone over whom they have authority? Ok for teachers to hit kids? What about camp counselors? Any adult? Any babysitter? Where EXACTLY is your line?

I see you have at least abandoned your dumbass attempt at conflating adult interactions with parent-child interactions.

I would not want anyone else to spank my child, for the record. But if an aunt or grandmother did, we’d have a talk about my parenting preferences. I wouldn’t accuse them of being abusive, violent, or of having committed assault. Because I’m not an insane drama llama.

I am not the PP you were arguing with. My question about your EXACT line was my entry into that conversation. So your line is you but it’s fuzzy with other family? This is what you want to teach your children? That the people who are supposed to love and protect them have the right to hit them?

There is no EXACT line and the fact that you think there is (or should be) is emblematic of many of the current problems in our society.

For a fun, admittedly ridiculous example, let’s say your kid was drowning in the ocean and thrashing so much that Uncle couldn’t save them without punching them (to subdue them - it’s been known to happen). Did Uncle ABUSE your child, or did Uncle hit your child BECAUSE he loves them and BECAUSE he is protecting them?

I’m truly sorry that you are unable to understand context or grasp nuance, but I also assume your black and white thinking extends to most if not all aspects of your life. This type of rigidity is actually a problem, both for you personally and also for our society. This type of thinking is why we end up with pregnant women dying in hospitals (because abortion ALWAYS wrong!).

You just keep coming up with bizarre scenarios where hurting a child is the only way to intervene to save their life. I think you are just so into hurting children intentionally that you want to divert attention from the fact that we are talking about excusing violence against children that is intentional.

That’s literally the first such scenario that’s been put forth. You’re not exactly the shiniest apple, are you?

Your need to insult says everything about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell SIL and her husband point blank period that you are not OK with any kind of physical discipline, whatsoever, and if that’s a problem, no unsupervised visits.

Oh no! Don’t threaten SIL to no longer have the privilege of babysitting OP’s kids for free!

Why is free babysitting for family/freinds seen as such an imposition? I never mind babysitting for relatives kids.

It’s not an imposition when your family/friends don’t act like entitled @$$holes. OP is DEFINITELY imposing on SIL.

And anyone seriously calling three swats on the leg assault should avoid interacting with other people because they are deeply unhinged and have lost ALL sense of perspective.

From OPs post you have no way to know if she was imposing or not. Stop projecting your own nonsense. SIL may have offered. I know this is shocking, but some people like being with kids.

I'm always fascinated by the PPs on here who are so transactional about everything in their lives. What annoying people you must be to have to have as family. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

OP I stopped reading after the first few pages. PP before was correct that if you plan to let your kids be with this person and haven't defined this boundary before, you must do it now. There is literally no excuse to hit a child and it says something not good about her that she felt free to hit someone *else's* child. In a life-threatening or dangerous situation you might grab a child to save them, but smack them? Hell, no. She has problems with emotional regulation.