SIL physically disciplined daughter - advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the last time SIL can be alone with your child(ren).

There is nothing to “address” otherwise.

This “physical discipline” is illegal in most of the world. Make clear to SIL (have husband do if it’s his sister) that she is never to be violent with your child again and then NEVER leave a child with her. It is normal and natural for a child to be disappointed and difficult transitioning from a fun activity. She was probably a bit warn out. So what did this “discipline” teach her. Teaching is the meaning of discipline. It taught her that people love you are allowed to hit you. It taught her that people that are bigger and more powerful than you are allowed to hit you. Did it teach her one thing about how to transition away? Was it responsive to her developmental level? Obviously not. Healthy adults would validate her emotions and help her focus on the next thing.

As of 2025–2026, roughly 65–70 countries have fully banned corporal punishment in all settings. However, over 100 countries still legally allow parents to use physical discipline on children

I meant to say in thecivilized world

[Anonymous]

“But swimming is dangerrroussssss” OK show of hands, who is comfortable with a lifeguard or swim coach or diving coach hitting kids who don’t comply, even if the kid should comply?!

[Anonymous]

I would lose my sh!t and report her ass to the police. Not okay, who does this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my sh!t and report her ass to the police. Not okay, who does this?

Nobody. OP made it up.

[Anonymous]

I would lose my sh!t and report her ass to the police. Not okay, who does this?

I would not report to the police, because I don't think it is a good use of law enforcement resources. I would tell your SIL that you are not comfortable with her babysitting again since you have different views on corporal punishment, and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

She's fine. Not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

I asked my SIL about it, and she said it’s no big deal.

Now I’m feeling really unsure. I also don’t know if I’m overreacting.

How would you handle this? Would you address it or let it go?

You have addressed it. She doesn't think it is a big deal. You don't want it for your child, which is reasonable. Don't leave your child alone with her again. There is nothing more to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well either you and DH discuss with SIL and say you don't allow corporal punishment and get agreement or you lose SIL as free daycare.

+1

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t leave your kid with SIL anymore, it’s as simple as that.

One because she hit your kid (though unless you make this a huge deal in front of your kid, there will be no lasting emotional damage, so don’t let your kid know how upset you are).

Two because your kid isn’t well behaved enough at this point to be taken care of others.

It’s time to reflect on your parenting to see if your word actually means something to your kid. If you say it’s time to go and your kid knows that if she plays for another 20 minutes you won’t make her go. If you say no cookies and then after some whining you give her a cookie. If you say bedtime is 8pm and somehow she’s not asleep until 9 every night because she delays it and you’re letting it happen; then this is your task. Commit to your instructions. Because otherwise you ARE putting your kid in more danger than getting a swat on the leg. If she doesn’t believe that her parents word is solid, she won’t listen to her teachers and that can put her and other kids in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lose my sh!t and report her ass to the police. Not okay, who does this?

No you would not. This is completely off the rails. You sound like you need a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and your SIL have different parenting approaches. I agree with yours vs. hers. But many people are ok with hers. I would just tell her that you are not ok with her physically disciplining your daughter, and that if your daughter is not listening to her, she should call you to come back to address.

So kid won’t get out of pool and SIL should call OP to come over? Letting the kid stay in the pool while all that happens and rewarding the behavior?

No. People who hit kids don’t have real parenting strategies outside violence so OP’s kid can’t be alone with SIL again. You don’t have to announce it or anything dramatic - just make it so.

Just out if curiosity, what is the correct parenting strategy to implement when one’s niece refuses to get out of the pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s wrong that your SIL hit your child BUT it’s also wrong that your 6yo was asked to get out of the pool and started crying and wasn’t doing what she was told.
I’d be pissed at my kid if she was invited to swim then behaved like that.

A kid not wanting to get out of the pool is bad behavior? Do you even have kids?

Of course it is bad behavior. SIL is likely managing multiple children. Drowning is something that actually kills kids. Getting out of the pool when asked could be a safety issue.

OP, SIL likely thinks this is NBD, and there won't be any convincing her otherwise. I have family like this too, and I had to learn the hard way not to leave kids alone with them. Honestly, I never even had a conversation with them. I knew what I said was not going to be listened to. You weren't there to see how your daughter was acting, but, it seems like right now, she just can't manage your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and your SIL have different parenting approaches. I agree with yours vs. hers. But many people are ok with hers. I would just tell her that you are not ok with her physically disciplining your daughter, and that if your daughter is not listening to her, she should call you to come back to address.

So kid won’t get out of pool and SIL should call OP to come over? Letting the kid stay in the pool while all that happens and rewarding the behavior?

No. People who hit kids don’t have real parenting strategies outside violence so OP’s kid can’t be alone with SIL again. You don’t have to announce it or anything dramatic - just make it so.

Just out if curiosity, what is the correct parenting strategy to implement when one’s niece refuses to get out of the pool?

My nephew pulled this shit on me at the beach one time. I quietly decided to never watch him again without a parent present. I don't think there is a discipline strategy per se. I don't hit my kids, and I would NEVER hit a child that isn't mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell SIL and her husband point blank period that you are not OK with any kind of physical discipline, whatsoever, and if that’s a problem, no unsupervised visits.

Oh no! Don’t threaten SIL to no longer have the privilege of babysitting OP’s kids for free!

Why is free babysitting for family/freinds seen as such an imposition? I never mind babysitting for relatives kids.

It’s not an imposition when your family/friends don’t act like entitled @$$holes. OP is DEFINITELY imposing on SIL.

And anyone seriously calling three swats on the leg assault should avoid interacting with other people because they are deeply unhinged and have lost ALL sense of perspective.

So if you had a conflict at the grocery store and the other person gave you three swats on the leg to resolve it, it wouldn't be assault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No more time alone with SIL. Protect your kids.

This. I think you are underreacting op, and I would feel concern about what else SIL is saying and doing to them if she's the sort that would hit your child for acting like a child. No more unsupervised time with SIL ever and sil needs to hear how angry you are.