SIL physically disciplined daughter - advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous
So, kids spend the day with my brother and SIL, and when they come back, I learn from my 6-year-old daughter that my SIL spanked her on the upper leg three times. She was crying and didn’t want to come back inside after swimming in the pool, and when she made it difficult, that’s when my SIL spanked her.

I asked my SIL about it, and she said it’s no big deal.

Now I’m feeling really unsure. I also don’t know if I’m overreacting.

How would you handle this? Would you address it or let it go?

[Anonymous]

If you had not made that boundary clear in the past, I would make it clear now.

[Anonymous]

Are you from a different culture? In some cultures Aunties and Uncles have full reign when in charge…

Did your daughter do something wrong? Back up the SIL so daughter knows you don’t approve of inappropriate behavior, but tell SIL to refer bad behavior to you. While you wish to put SIL in her place, this approach will help preserve all relationships…

[Anonymous]

That’s the last time SIL can be alone with your child(ren).

There is nothing to “address” otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Well either you and DH discuss with SIL and say you don't allow corporal punishment and get agreement or you lose SIL as free daycare.

[Anonymous]

Slapping on a butt or an upper leg is to get a kid out of acting out -- like when she's crying for no reason other than not wanting to get out of the pool. In "old times" people would slap a hysterical person to get them out of it. It works. I'd not call it physical discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slapping on a butt or an upper leg is to get a kid out of acting out -- like when she's crying for no reason other than not wanting to get out of the pool. In "old times" people would slap a hysterical person to get them out of it. It works. I'd not call it physical discipline.

It's physical discipline whatever you call it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well either you and DH discuss with SIL and say you don't allow corporal punishment and get agreement or you lose SIL as free daycare.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’d tell SIL and her husband point blank period that you are not OK with any kind of physical discipline, whatsoever, and if that’s a problem, no unsupervised visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the last time SIL can be alone with your child(ren).

There is nothing to “address” otherwise.

This “physical discipline” is illegal in most of the world. Make clear to SIL (have husband do if it’s his sister) that she is never to be violent with your child again and then NEVER leave a child with her. It is normal and natural for a child to be disappointed and difficult transitioning from a fun activity. She was probably a bit warn out. So what did this “discipline” teach her. Teaching is the meaning of discipline. It taught her that people love you are allowed to hit you. It taught her that people that are bigger and more powerful than you are allowed to hit you. Did it teach her one thing about how to transition away? Was it responsive to her developmental level? Obviously not. Healthy adults would validate her emotions and help her focus on the next thing.

[Anonymous]

^ meant to lead that off with a +1 on quote

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well either you and DH discuss with SIL and say you don't allow corporal punishment and get agreement or you lose SIL as free daycare.

+1.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to SIL but also never leave my child with her again.

[Anonymous]

That’s an assault. I would not let it go. Tell her she is never to lay a hand on your child again.

[Anonymous]

No more time alone with SIL. Protect your kids.