Has your college freshman dated at all this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.

Some of it is woke social media mobs but some of it is also avoiding sexual assault or just avoiding consensual but ultimately unwanted / regretful sexual experiences due to alcohol or feeling pressured or not sure what decision to make in the moment. Hooking up with random guys in bars and going back to their dorm / house is something that isn't a pleasant memory for some women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.

I think people seemed to get mixed messaging and everyone is confused. In these college sexual assault lectures it’s just telling them to ask for consent, don’t make sexual comments to girls you don’t know, and leave the really drunk girls alone, and don’t pressure anyone. At no point are they getting any official messaging that they should never talk to a woman ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.

Wonder if the girls on the other end of this game would recount it as one of their fondest memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

But girls also don't want to make the first move. So nobody is dating. It's just sad. It should not be such a big deal to ask and see what happens.

Lots of kids are dating, just not everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

But girls also don't want to make the first move. So nobody is dating. It's just sad. It should not be such a big deal to ask and see what happens.

Lots of kids are dating, just not everyone.

I think the point is that it is in decline. There is a ton of data that points to it, of course some kids are still dating but they are slowly becoming the smaller group of students compared to ones who do date.

[Anonymous]

I think social medial has also really impacted things in how it's completely normalized and expected for girls to be super sexy online. Even 5 years ago it was maybe 10% of girls who had a provocative (often tiny bikini) profile pick. Now it's a huge percentage and the most desirable/popular girls will posts endless pictures of themselves half dressed (no judgment--it's good to feel young and beautiful). However, if you're a girl who isn't into this you're pretty invisible to much of the male population and this matters because so many of the relationships or situationships in college start by "kids talking online."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think social medial has also really impacted things in how it's completely normalized and expected for girls to be super sexy online. Even 5 years ago it was maybe 10% of girls who had a provocative (often tiny bikini) profile pick. Now it's a huge percentage and the most desirable/popular girls will posts endless pictures of themselves half dressed (no judgment--it's good to feel young and beautiful). However, if you're a girl who isn't into this you're pretty invisible to much of the male population and this matters because so many of the relationships or situationships in college start by "kids talking online."

Or maybe there isn't ever any talking. The boys can just scroll endlessly and see their classmates and peers and sorority sisters half dressed. Who needs to date anyone? 15 years ago this dimension didn't exist at all. It's changed a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think social medial has also really impacted things in how it's completely normalized and expected for girls to be super sexy online. Even 5 years ago it was maybe 10% of girls who had a provocative (often tiny bikini) profile pick. Now it's a huge percentage and the most desirable/popular girls will posts endless pictures of themselves half dressed (no judgment--it's good to feel young and beautiful). However, if you're a girl who isn't into this you're pretty invisible to much of the male population and this matters because so many of the relationships or situationships in college start by "kids talking online."

They are using instagram as a dating app also. The super hot pictures are meant to entice people to message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.

Wonder if the girls on the other end of this game would recount it as one of their fondest memories.

That seems like a fair question. Do you think the girls enjoyed the attention from PP and friends? Do you think that answer depended on whether they found the guy funny or attractive versus crude? This is a thread about wishing for more opportunities for DDs. What form should that take and how should the inexperienced guys acquire the social skills for that interaction, assuming it’s a developed skill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.

Wonder if the girls on the other end of this game would recount it as one of their fondest memories.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

100%. If a video is posted on social media depicting a guy as creepy, it has implications for his future dating life and, potentially, his career.

All it takes is a video of a guy talking to a girl set to certain music or with the word “creepy” in the tagline. Sadly, those videos get a lot of views.