Has your college freshman dated at all this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Don't think he is dating. Seems pretty busy with his clubs and his friends. One club has a social component to it. He plays pickleball, lifts and runs. Training for a marathon. Knows a few friends who are training for it too. His new thing is poker. Drinks every so often. Recently said he was kind of interested in a fraternity but was turned off by hazing. So, he didn't rush.

He loves college. Super happy with his choice.

My son would love being friends with your son! So similar.

[Anonymous]

1. I use find my on my kids, my spouse, my mother and MIL (both single women living alone their 80s). Not obsessively. Our kids use it on us. Our kids do not mind, they share their locations with their friends.

2. I have a DD that is a junior, attractive, smart, studious. Small LAC, 60% women. Good group of friends, mostly women as far as I can tell. Started dating someone this year but that was the first in college that I am aware of. Met him briefly over winter break, seems like a good guy. We did worry about the social life at college, very different than when we were in school in the 80s and 90s and neither of us went to a LAC.

I think fewer men in college is a real issue. Younger DD will be going to a larger school with a more balanced gender ratio so I am interested to see if there is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The extra layer of politics also comes into play. Most women lean liberal, and will not give a non-liberal guy a chance.

I was with you... until here. Take it to reddit.

I am the PP. My DD leans liberal, and has unfollowed friends due to politics. I assume she would want to date someone with similar beliefs. I am pretty sure she is not the only one like this on her campus.

She is very focused on academics, and is not trad-wife material. Although her schools leans more liberal, percentage-wise, more guys trend more conservative compared to the women. Then add to that the gender inbalance to the equation. She had a boyfriend for a few months, but it didn’t work out. She hangs out mostly with other young women, and is having a great time.

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The extra layer of politics also comes into play. Most women lean liberal, and will not give a non-liberal guy a chance.

I was with you... until here. Take it to reddit.

I am the PP. My DD leans liberal, and has unfollowed friends due to politics. I assume she would want to date someone with similar beliefs. I am pretty sure she is not the only one like this on her campus.

She is very focused on academics, and is not trad-wife material. Although her schools leans more liberal, percentage-wise, more guys trend more conservative compared to the women. Then add to that the gender inbalance to the equation. She had a boyfriend for a few months, but it didn’t work out. She hangs out mostly with other young women, and is having a great time.

The guys are out there, I have 2 myself. It’s just the frats and teams, that tend to be the social drivers at a lot of schools, have a higher population of conservative guys. Look at where Joe Rogan, barstool, etc. are popular. But there are other spots if you look at little deeper.
But, I do understand where you are coming from.

This is well put and sums up my daughter's experience. She's not a fan of the frat boys (and they are not particularly drawn to her either) but she finds it really hard to find the other guys because the frats/sports heavily drive the social scene. She knows there are others on campus (it's not all frat Gods and super geeks) but it's very hard to meet them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

But girls also don't want to make the first move. So nobody is dating. It's just sad. It should not be such a big deal to ask and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

But girls also don't want to make the first move. So nobody is dating. It's just sad. It should not be such a big deal to ask and see what happens.

Why not? That’s how my DD got a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

No dating yet for my freshman DD. She is loving her college experience and has a good group of male and female friends. Only heard of one friend who has been asked out, but she hasn't been interested in the guys who asked.

I'm okay with no dating the first year, but hopefully she will start soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What? They've been there for a long time, actually. I think these freshman have it harder b/c their schools were shut down in 7th grade and a lot weren't back to totally normal (no more mandated masks) until near the end of 9th grade. I think that and their cell phones impacted their development. I've been surprised how timid boys seem to be around girls. However, I can't imagine thinking they aren't even noticing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

Wouldn't it be worse if you are in a club together? I kind of view it like hitting on someone it the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The extra layer of politics also comes into play. Most women lean liberal, and will not give a non-liberal guy a chance.

I was with you... until here. Take it to reddit.

I am the PP. My DD leans liberal, and has unfollowed friends due to politics. I assume she would want to date someone with similar beliefs. I am pretty sure she is not the only one like this on her campus.

She is very focused on academics, and is not trad-wife material. Although her schools leans more liberal, percentage-wise, more guys trend more conservative compared to the women. Then add to that the gender inbalance to the equation. She had a boyfriend for a few months, but it didn’t work out. She hangs out mostly with other young women, and is having a great time.

The guys are out there, I have 2 myself. It’s just the frats and teams, that tend to be the social drivers at a lot of schools, have a higher population of conservative guys. Look at where Joe Rogan, barstool, etc. are popular. But there are other spots if you look at little deeper.
But, I do understand where you are coming from.

This is well put and sums up my daughter's experience. She's not a fan of the frat boys (and they are not particularly drawn to her either) but she finds it really hard to find the other guys because the frats/sports heavily drive the social scene. She knows there are others on campus (it's not all frat Gods and super geeks) but it's very hard to meet them.

Another vote here! My daughter is very pretty and kind, doesn't want a meathead, but that's basically who she meets. Her high school guy friends were much more well rounded ... but she can't seem to find those guys in college! (LAC, by the way)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls need to be more willing to make the first move if they find someone they like.

This is true. We saw it starting in high school. Boys are way, way less likely to make the first move, even when they obviously like the girl.

Yep. My freshman son probably hasn't even noticed that there are girls at his university yet. He's having fun with his friends. He's also very introverted and would probably never make a move on a girl. It's going to take some outgoing girl to notice him and make him her "project" to bring him out of his shell. He would probably go with that.

What is going on with young men today? The literal only thing on my mind when I went to freshman orientation 25 years ago was chasing you know what (tail). I'm pretty sure every other male in my cohort would have said the same thing.

Fear of being a creep. Fear of speaking to a girl and that contact being unwanted. And everything can be recorded and uploaded. If a guy is good looking, he is usually in the clear but if he isn't - then not being seen as a creep is a challenge. Especially for young men with no experience - they don't have a good barometer of what will be seen as wanted or unwanted or as creepy or not creepy. If you read stories online just about anything can be unwanted or creepy if it isn't the right guy. The dynamics have changed and the online shaming is a big thing too. Much safer to just do your own thing. I think young women are confused too.

From what I have seen most now get to know each other though social scenes before getting together. Maybe they are in a club or on a team or in a group project together and once there is a comfort / familiarity then more develops. Or it is friends of friends. Just approaching a stranger and hitting on them is kind of a thing of the past given the risks of it being unwanted.

That's so sad. Some of my fondest college memories involved doing cold approaches. We'd hit one of the myriad college bars and my buddy would pick out a girl and give me a time, usually three minutes or less. The goal was to get the number before the clock ran out or I'd have to do something embarrassing. Then I'd pick out a girl and set the time for another buddy. Sometimes one or more of us would score by the end of the night, sometimes we wouldn't. Just great college memories that kids today don't get to experience because they fear woke social media mobs.