Daughter (17) is confused and I am too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

She’d probably say “oh I was just kidding” because she obviously is and then she’d talk to her host teacher about “I didn’t realize the kids sometimes took things so literally.” Like I’m so sorry, you’ve never had someone jokingly say “Where’s mine?” when you walk in with a Starbucks drink? It’s a lame small talk joke. OP’s kid probably laughed or said something back the first time and the naive student teacher who just wants kids to like her thinks they have a joke now.

Right, but then the teacher would know to drop the joke and learn a bit about building rapport and how it can be misconstrued sometimes (I am a teacher FWIW)

Yes I agree she could benefit from that. Which is why I said earlier in the thread that op can email the host teacher about it with a gentle heads up. The convo would be helpful. But the people claiming this is grooming, saying go to the principal or the university … nuts. It’s not THAT bad, it’s just uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

It's a joke. Tell your daughter to not make a big deal about it. I can't believe some of the responses here making this out to be some huge inappropriate thing. No wonder people don't want to teach anymore.

[Anonymous]

If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

[Anonymous]

Ask DD's friends in the class what they think the deal is with the comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

Truthfully, part of the lesson for her WILL be that even an innocuous seeming joke can go sideways with a certain kind of student and parent, which is unfortunately true and something all teachers do have to be mindful of. She probably thinks oh these kids are 17-18, I can joke around a little - but that is not necessarily the case. “Kid goes home and yaps to parent about some anodyne thing and now mom is emailing the principal” is a scenario many teachers will deal with at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

Truthfully, part of the lesson for her WILL be that even an innocuous seeming joke can go sideways with a certain kind of student and parent, which is unfortunately true and something all teachers do have to be mindful of. She probably thinks oh these kids are 17-18, I can joke around a little - but that is not necessarily the case. “Kid goes home and yaps to parent about some anodyne thing and now mom is emailing the principal” is a scenario many teachers will deal with at some point.

Saying it ONCE was joking around though. Begging a student on a daily basis to bring you a coffee is weird behavior and someone should talk to her about it before her social awkwardness gets her in even more trouble

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the student teacher is a) joking and b) making a light-hearted suggestion that it's rude to bring food or drink to class.

If she actually was trying to tell her not to bring food or drink, something like this would be normal:

Student teacher- oh, Starbucks?? Wait where is mine? Hahaha. But in all seriousness bringing food and drink isn’t allowed, so please don’t bring Starbucks again.

End interaction on the topic forever.

Asking her about it day after day after day is just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

Truthfully, part of the lesson for her WILL be that even an innocuous seeming joke can go sideways with a certain kind of student and parent, which is unfortunately true and something all teachers do have to be mindful of. She probably thinks oh these kids are 17-18, I can joke around a little - but that is not necessarily the case. “Kid goes home and yaps to parent about some anodyne thing and now mom is emailing the principal” is a scenario many teachers will deal with at some point.

Saying it ONCE was joking around though. Begging a student on a daily basis to bring you a coffee is weird behavior and someone should talk to her about it before her social awkwardness gets her in even more trouble

We all agree it’s odd but those of us who have worked with student teachers get that they are just so desperate for the kids to like them that they often do stuff like this. She will cringe looking back on it in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

She’d probably say “oh I was just kidding” because she obviously is and then she’d talk to her host teacher about “I didn’t realize the kids sometimes took things so literally.” Like I’m so sorry, you’ve never had someone jokingly say “Where’s mine?” when you walk in with a Starbucks drink? It’s a lame small talk joke. OP’s kid probably laughed or said something back the first time and the naive student teacher who just wants kids to like her thinks they have a joke now.

That would be a lighthearted joke if it was said one time. This student teacher seems to be doing it every single day which is making it weird and uncomfortable.

We don't know what is happening because OP is an unreliable narrator

[Anonymous]

OP please post a followup!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a joke. Tell your daughter to not make a big deal about it. I can't believe some of the responses here making this out to be some huge inappropriate thing. No wonder people don't want to teach anymore.

By contrast I don’t understand defending inappropriate conduct. But then again there’s always the person in abuse cases who knew about it and dismissed it as no big deal. Guess we know that will be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

Truthfully, part of the lesson for her WILL be that even an innocuous seeming joke can go sideways with a certain kind of student and parent, which is unfortunately true and something all teachers do have to be mindful of. She probably thinks oh these kids are 17-18, I can joke around a little - but that is not necessarily the case. “Kid goes home and yaps to parent about some anodyne thing and now mom is emailing the principal” is a scenario many teachers will deal with at some point.

Saying it ONCE was joking around though. Begging a student on a daily basis to bring you a coffee is weird behavior and someone should talk to her about it before her social awkwardness gets her in even more trouble

We all agree it’s odd but those of us who have worked with student teachers get that they are just so desperate for the kids to like them that they often do stuff like this. She will cringe looking back on it in a few years.

How many teachers do you think were arrested today for abusing kids? How many of those arrests would have been necessary if boundary violating inappropriate behavior had been taken seriously at the student teacher stage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a student teacher and found out someone had contacted my supervisor about a pretty innocuous joke about coffee, I would think twice about my intended career, because parents are truly nuts these days.

Truthfully, part of the lesson for her WILL be that even an innocuous seeming joke can go sideways with a certain kind of student and parent, which is unfortunately true and something all teachers do have to be mindful of. She probably thinks oh these kids are 17-18, I can joke around a little - but that is not necessarily the case. “Kid goes home and yaps to parent about some anodyne thing and now mom is emailing the principal” is a scenario many teachers will deal with at some point.

Saying it ONCE was joking around though. Begging a student on a daily basis to bring you a coffee is weird behavior and someone should talk to her about it before her social awkwardness gets her in even more trouble

she's not doing that according to OP's story.