Daughter (17) is confused and I am too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all agree it’s weird but it’s not even close to dangerous or harmful. Multiple people told OP to email the teacher if she’s concerned. She can address it, that’s her role as the mentor teacher. Going to the principal about something this silly is crazy. You have no idea the real issues some kids and some teachers have if you think the principal would be the one to come personally address a goofy joke.

The reason I suggest going to the principal is that the teacher responsible clearly hasn’t addressed it. No, I’m sure the principal won’t address it themselves, but they’ll instruct the mentor teacher to do so.

Going “nuclear” in a case like this is bringing in Gatehouse or the University with which the student teacher is affiliated. The principal (or an AP) is a reasonable step for people who think adults in charge of children need to be accountable for their behaviors.

There's nothing wrong with contacting the professor of education who is this student teacher's mentor or supervisor at the university. If harming this person's career prospects is an issue you want to avoid (and I'm not saying that should even be a consideration) this might even be the least professionally embarrassing option. Contacting the principal is more likely to make it harder for this student teacher to get a job in the district (and again, I'm not saying you should or shouldn't try to avoid that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Good idea. They will both be happy the joke has ended.

Haven't read the whole thread, but if student teacher is male, this may come across as flirting on OP's DD's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Good idea. They will both be happy the joke has ended.

Haven't read the whole thread, but if student teacher is male, this may come across as flirting on OP's DD's part.

A great and important reason student teachers are expected to observe professional boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all agree it’s weird but it’s not even close to dangerous or harmful. Multiple people told OP to email the teacher if she’s concerned. She can address it, that’s her role as the mentor teacher. Going to the principal about something this silly is crazy. You have no idea the real issues some kids and some teachers have if you think the principal would be the one to come personally address a goofy joke.

The reason I suggest going to the principal is that the teacher responsible clearly hasn’t addressed it. No, I’m sure the principal won’t address it themselves, but they’ll instruct the mentor teacher to do so.

Going “nuclear” in a case like this is bringing in Gatehouse or the University with which the student teacher is affiliated. The principal (or an AP) is a reasonable step for people who think adults in charge of children need to be accountable for their behaviors.

The cooperating teacher may not know it’s happening! I have a coteacher and I don’t witness every single interaction she has with students, just as she doesn’t see all of mine. If op really wants someone to step in, she can tell the cooperating teacher. We can assume best intentions all around here.

“Hey Ms Brown. Katie says that Ms Smith has several times made a comment to her about bringing her coffee. Katie is getting a little uncomfortable so I wanted to make you aware as Ms Smith is a student teacher who might need a little guidance. Thanks for all you do.”

Easy, doesn’t assign any mal intent or suggest that Ms Brown isn’t doing her job, and doesn’t create a huge issue with the principal when this is a SMALL, easily resolvable thing- the kind of thing that routinely comes up when coaching student teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Good idea. They will both be happy the joke has ended.

Haven't read the whole thread, but if student teacher is male, this may come across as flirting on OP's DD's part.

A great and important reason student teachers are expected to observe professional boundaries.

Yes, 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all agree it’s weird but it’s not even close to dangerous or harmful. Multiple people told OP to email the teacher if she’s concerned. She can address it, that’s her role as the mentor teacher. Going to the principal about something this silly is crazy. You have no idea the real issues some kids and some teachers have if you think the principal would be the one to come personally address a goofy joke.

The reason I suggest going to the principal is that the teacher responsible clearly hasn’t addressed it. No, I’m sure the principal won’t address it themselves, but they’ll instruct the mentor teacher to do so.

Going “nuclear” in a case like this is bringing in Gatehouse or the University with which the student teacher is affiliated. The principal (or an AP) is a reasonable step for people who think adults in charge of children need to be accountable for their behaviors.

The cooperating teacher may not know it’s happening! I have a coteacher and I don’t witness every single interaction she has with students, just as she doesn’t see all of mine. If op really wants someone to step in, she can tell the cooperating teacher. We can assume best intentions all around here.

“Hey Ms Brown. Katie says that Ms Smith has several times made a comment to her about bringing her coffee. Katie is getting a little uncomfortable so I wanted to make you aware as Ms Smith is a student teacher who might need a little guidance. Thanks for all you do.”

Easy, doesn’t assign any mal intent or suggest that Ms Brown isn’t doing her job, and doesn’t create a huge issue with the principal when this is a SMALL, easily resolvable thing- the kind of thing that routinely comes up when coaching student teachers.

I mean, she isn’t. And it’s happening in her classroom so that’s not really acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all agree it’s weird but it’s not even close to dangerous or harmful. Multiple people told OP to email the teacher if she’s concerned. She can address it, that’s her role as the mentor teacher. Going to the principal about something this silly is crazy. You have no idea the real issues some kids and some teachers have if you think the principal would be the one to come personally address a goofy joke.

The reason I suggest going to the principal is that the teacher responsible clearly hasn’t addressed it. No, I’m sure the principal won’t address it themselves, but they’ll instruct the mentor teacher to do so.

Going “nuclear” in a case like this is bringing in Gatehouse or the University with which the student teacher is affiliated. The principal (or an AP) is a reasonable step for people who think adults in charge of children need to be accountable for their behaviors.

The cooperating teacher may not know it’s happening! I have a coteacher and I don’t witness every single interaction she has with students, just as she doesn’t see all of mine. If op really wants someone to step in, she can tell the cooperating teacher. We can assume best intentions all around here.

“Hey Ms Brown. Katie says that Ms Smith has several times made a comment to her about bringing her coffee. Katie is getting a little uncomfortable so I wanted to make you aware as Ms Smith is a student teacher who might need a little guidance. Thanks for all you do.”

Easy, doesn’t assign any mal intent or suggest that Ms Brown isn’t doing her job, and doesn’t create a huge issue with the principal when this is a SMALL, easily resolvable thing- the kind of thing that routinely comes up when coaching student teachers.

I mean, she isn’t. And it’s happening in her classroom so that’s not really acceptable.

Some of you thrive on drama, it’s crazy. Ok. By all means, email the principal and hunt down the professor who oversees student teaching at the university this person attends to go ham on a student teacher who is learning the ropes over a dumb joke about coffee. That’s way more reasonable than just behaving like a normal person and resolving it calmly. It’s like some of you think you’ll feel powerful or better about yourselves if you tear down multiple people over a small issue.

[Anonymous]

First World Problems! 😒

[Anonymous]

I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to smile and move on. This is not a big deal. Your DD needs to learn to handle these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

She’d probably say “oh I was just kidding” because she obviously is and then she’d talk to her host teacher about “I didn’t realize the kids sometimes took things so literally.” Like I’m so sorry, you’ve never had someone jokingly say “Where’s mine?” when you walk in with a Starbucks drink? It’s a lame small talk joke. OP’s kid probably laughed or said something back the first time and the naive student teacher who just wants kids to like her thinks they have a joke now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Good idea. They will both be happy the joke has ended.

Haven't read the whole thread, but if student teacher is male, this may come across as flirting on OP's DD's part.

The answer is in the very first post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your daughter reply (with a smile)- “It was your turn this time”. The joke will end.

Good idea. They will both be happy the joke has ended.

Haven't read the whole thread, but if student teacher is male, this may come across as flirting on OP's DD's part.

Non-exclusively-heterosexual teachers exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

She’d probably say “oh I was just kidding” because she obviously is and then she’d talk to her host teacher about “I didn’t realize the kids sometimes took things so literally.” Like I’m so sorry, you’ve never had someone jokingly say “Where’s mine?” when you walk in with a Starbucks drink? It’s a lame small talk joke. OP’s kid probably laughed or said something back the first time and the naive student teacher who just wants kids to like her thinks they have a joke now.

That would be a lighthearted joke if it was said one time. This student teacher seems to be doing it every single day which is making it weird and uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid to respond “ my mom said I couldn’t” because how the teacher responds to that would give a lot of information about whether they were just kidding or are trying to overstep boundaries.

She’d probably say “oh I was just kidding” because she obviously is and then she’d talk to her host teacher about “I didn’t realize the kids sometimes took things so literally.” Like I’m so sorry, you’ve never had someone jokingly say “Where’s mine?” when you walk in with a Starbucks drink? It’s a lame small talk joke. OP’s kid probably laughed or said something back the first time and the naive student teacher who just wants kids to like her thinks they have a joke now.

Right, but then the teacher would know to drop the joke and learn a bit about building rapport and how it can be misconstrued sometimes (I am a teacher FWIW)