I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

eh F*off both of you. I know they are different, but they are both STIs (did you know that). That was the point of my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

eh F*off both of you. I know they are different, but they are both STIs (did you know that). That was the point of my post.

You're fine PP. A lot of us have no need to think about STDs after passing high school health. I too am educated but don't recall all of the nuances of each one!

[Anonymous]

Op why are you having sex with him if you guys are not married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

eh F*off both of you. I know they are different, but they are both STIs (did you know that). That was the point of my post.

Gonorrhea is a common completely curable STD. Herpes is for life. How are these compatible to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Is it extra territorial relationship - you are only dating when hes in DC ? Was the baby planned ?
Some doctors do think it’s not worth it cautioning patients who don’t have symptoms . But then he learned shoot unplanned pregnancy looked up herpes online abd freaked out himself .

it sounds like the pregnancy was not well thought through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Is it extra territorial relationship - you are only dating when hes in DC ? Was the baby planned ?
Some doctors do think it’s not worth it cautioning patients who don’t have symptoms . But then he learned shoot unplanned pregnancy looked up herpes online abd freaked out himself .

it sounds like the pregnancy was not well thought through

No….
We recently moved from DC to Richmond. We come back frequently to visit friends. Last year, his primary was still in DC, so on one of the visits he saw his primary…

[Anonymous]

There are too many nuances and unknowns to tell for sure if he had ill intentions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are too many nuances and unknowns to tell for sure if he had ill intentions

He’s known at least for months and didn’t tell, that’s the bottom line. He was too cowardly and deceptive to tell, which means he’s also incredibly selfish. No matter how you slice it, he had ill intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

Both forms of HSV can be transmitted orally and both forms can be transmitted through genital contact. They both can be transmitted as a result of sex and not as a result of sex. It is true that HSV2 is much more commonly transmitted through genital contact and HSV1 is much more commonly transmitted through oral contact.

[Anonymous]

Standard screens typically do not test for any form of HSV. Why? One reason is it is a minor disease with mild symptoms . Another is that a positive test result can lead to all kinds of unnecessary relationship problems even though the virus can be dormant for years.

A lot of the people saying they'd dump the guy probably have a form of HSV and have had it for years without ever experiencing an outbreak. I'm not saying the guy didn't cheat. I'm just saying he might not have cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

I can understand his doctor not making a big deal of it if it was HSV-1 but I’m sorry there is no way his doctor didn’t call him to discuss a positive result if it was HSV-2 unless your fiance specifically told him that he already knew he had it. The tests in the last few years are highly accurate. False positives are not really a thing anymore (but they definitely were previously). If he tested positive he has it. It’s not a question. Maybe he never had an outbreak or any symptoms but that doesn’t mean he won’t and he can still spread it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Standard screens typically do not test for any form of HSV. Why? One reason is it is a minor disease with mild symptoms . Another is that a positive test result can lead to all kinds of unnecessary relationship problems even though the virus can be dormant for years.

A lot of the people saying they'd dump the guy probably have a form of HSV and have had it for years without ever experiencing an outbreak. I'm not saying the guy didn't cheat. I'm just saying he might not have cheated.

But we know he withheld very important information, removed consent, is cowardly, put even his own baby at risk, and is selfish

[Anonymous]

Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?