Why do people get so much angrier at women having babies over 45 than men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mad, but I do tend to roll my eyes when a 45+ y.o. woman lies to herself and others about how much energy she has chasing a toddler, and how it was the best decision ever to wait. It's the trying to convince themselves and others that's irritating.

I absolutely believe that a 45 year old who is in good health can/does have plenty of energy to chase a toddler. But parenting doesn't end with toddlerhood. Now that my kids are older, I feel like the real "chickens coming home to roost" moments aren't in babyhood or early elementary, when a well-established older couple can hire night nannies and after-school drivers. It's when they are 60+ dealing with late night soccer practices or typical adolescent behavioral challenges.

I have better energy in my 40s than my 20s, I had bad ED during teen years I had to take naps during the day during college and never went out to party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

As an older mom, I've had numerous women tell me, unsolicited, that they're happy they had their children early and didn't wait like I did.

I will say most of the women who say that look tired, anyway.

They are just sharing some random feelings, no need to take it personal.

Older women can also tell younger moms they are glad to have waited until they are financially well off and can provide all the cool stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what bothers me is when women have their first in their mid 40: (especially celebrities) everyone says "I totally believe it was natural, my grandmother had her 10th baby at 48."

The reality is that having your first without intervention in mid 40s is like lightening-bolt rare. I worked at a DMV IVF clinic and we were doing hundreds of donor egg IVF cycles per year on middle age women and there are hundreds of clinics worldwide like ours.

This is not an anti IVF screed. My own kids are the result of ART. I just hate when people pretend that most women can have kids naturally for 3 decades. It does not help women.

Ok but plenty of women can get pregnant naturally in their 40s. I also have a great grandmother that had her last baby in her 40s in 1931. Clearly not the result of reproductive assistance.

If you want to help women, be open and honest about every fertility FACTS, so they can advocate for themselves.
Getting pregnant naturally for the first time in your 40s, and keeping the pregnancy, is the exception, not the rule.

I don’t care when other women have babies, truly. I’m simply stating facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally every woman we know who had a child around or after 40 has a child with health complications - from allergies to extreme disabilities.

Health issues with the child are nowhere close to the same with the fathers over 40.

How odd. That's the exact opposite of my experience.

Anecdotes are not data. That goes for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mad, but I do tend to roll my eyes when a 45+ y.o. woman lies to herself and others about how much energy she has chasing a toddler, and how it was the best decision ever to wait. It's the trying to convince themselves and others that's irritating.

I absolutely believe that a 45 year old who is in good health can/does have plenty of energy to chase a toddler. But parenting doesn't end with toddlerhood. Now that my kids are older, I feel like the real "chickens coming home to roost" moments aren't in babyhood or early elementary, when a well-established older couple can hire night nannies and after-school drivers. It's when they are 60+ dealing with late night soccer practices or typical adolescent behavioral challenges.

I have better energy in my 40s than my 20s, I had bad ED during teen years I had to take naps during the day during college and never went out to party.

You obviously were not healthy. That’s not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

As an older mom, I've had numerous women tell me, unsolicited, that they're happy they had their children early and didn't wait like I did.

I will say most of the women who say that look tired, anyway.

They are just sharing some random feelings, no need to take it personal.

Older women can also tell younger moms they are glad to have waited until they are financially well off and can provide all the cool stuff.

True. A baby told me last week how grateful she was for her Snoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

As an older mom, I've had numerous women tell me, unsolicited, that they're happy they had their children early and didn't wait like I did.

I will say most of the women who say that look tired, anyway.

They are just sharing some random feelings, no need to take it personal.

Older women can also tell younger moms they are glad to have waited until they are financially well off and can provide all the cool stuff.

Such a dismissive attitude!

[Anonymous]

DC is the IVF capital of the US. This forum is full of insecure and projecting 'grandma' moms.

[Anonymous]

Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

Both kids were born to me in my 30s. So sorry for you, but that had nothing to do with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

Why are the older moms allowed to be defensive in your scenario but the younger moms are not? I don’t know or care why people make decisions until they make a comment on how I’ve made mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is the IVF capital of the US. This forum is full of insecure and projecting 'grandma' moms.

Stop leaving out the dads. Again,,,,lots of IVF procedures are for male factor infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

Why are the older moms allowed to be defensive in your scenario but the younger moms are not? I don’t know or care why people make decisions until they make a comment on how I’ve made mine.

I'm the older mom that pointed out that different women have different opportunities to have kids early/late. Nothing in my comment was defensive - and yet you're projecting some smug caricature on me. I'm simply asking you to take a step back and realize that older moms and younger moms are on the same team. Stop thinking that only one path to motherhood is 'right'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

...sure, impure motives like 'I waited until I found the right guy' and 'I achieved significant milestones and goals in other areas of my life that would have been difficult to do if I had kids young.' Soooo evil!

[Anonymous]

My mom had her baby when she was almost 40.
As the older sibling I was made to be the de facto part time parent. I had to halt my games just because the baby needed to be rocked to sleep. Whenever they wanted to go out I was the obvious unpaid babysitter who was told at the last minute.
I gave up spring break to babysit, spent teen years almost with the same responsibilities as a teen mom, felt guilty for not having patience enough.
I see this same pattern being repeated with other girls who have a parent give birth at a later age.
It’s painful to watch