Why do people get so much angrier at women having babies over 45 than men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had her baby when she was almost 40.
As the older sibling I was made to be the de facto part time parent. I had to halt my games just because the baby needed to be rocked to sleep. Whenever they wanted to go out I was the obvious unpaid babysitter who was told at the last minute.
I gave up spring break to babysit, spent teen years almost with the same responsibilities as a teen mom, felt guilty for not having patience enough.
I see this same pattern being repeated with other girls who have a parent give birth at a later age.
It’s painful to watch

Why would you be mad at just your mom for that, and not both of your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

I didn’t meet DH until my thirties. Motherhood before 35 would have been within a bad marriage. I’m very glad I waited in my unique situation. I’m very glad that you didn’t wait in yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

I didn’t meet DH until my thirties. Motherhood before 35 would have been within a bad marriage. I’m very glad I waited in my unique situation. I’m very glad that you didn’t wait in yours.

I'm a NP, but sometimes, the message isn't put so nicely. I think the friction is caused when women (maybe inadvertently?) imply that older moms are, automatically, better moms.

Being older doesn't automatically mean that you are more patient, in a stronger relationship, richer, or in any way better equipped to manage motherhood.

I'm glad that it worked out for you that way, but there are plenty of women who are well equipped, happily married, well educated, have good careers, and doing a great job at motherhood, and had their children in their 20s or 30s.

But being older DOES automatically mean that there are additional risks associated with pregnancy.

That is the only PSA worthy of sharing.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of ways to help moms of all ages have healthy pregnancies.

I judge 50 year old moms who can afford to have kid way less than 23 year old moms who aren’t financially or emotionally ready and then screw them up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of ways to help moms of all ages have healthy pregnancies.

I judge 50 year old moms who can afford to have kid way less than 23 year old moms who aren’t financially or emotionally ready and then screw them up

People who can afford their kids screw them up all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it.

No one bats an eye if a man is 48 but if a woman is then it’s somehow unacceptable

Who are these people getting angry? I think you made that up.

Right? My only thought about it is that I would cry if I turned up pregnant at 45 (I am currently 45) because I have teens and starting over again would be among my worst nightmares.

But otherwise, good for you if that’s what you want!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of ways to help moms of all ages have healthy pregnancies.

I judge 50 year old moms who can afford to have kid way less than 23 year old moms who aren’t financially or emotionally ready and then screw them up

People who can afford their kids screw them up all the time

sure but that's not the point of the statement. The point was that financial stability and emotional stability trump age. would rather have kind, financially stable 50 yo mom than volatile, low income 23 yo mom.

[Anonymous]

Calling childbirth after 35 “creepy” negates your response because it is so incredibly childish and immature. And just…unintelligent. Sorry.

Regardless - I only witness the negativity regarding maternal age on dcum.

It’s a useless debate; many people don’t get married until their 30s. I had kids at my earliest opportunity (first child at 34), not because I was “creepy” but because I was not married in my 20s. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of ways to help moms of all ages have healthy pregnancies.

I judge 50 year old moms who can afford to have kid way less than 23 year old moms who aren’t financially or emotionally ready and then screw them up

People who can afford their kids screw them up all the time

sure but that's not the point of the statement. The point was that financial stability and emotional stability trump age. would rather have kind, financially stable 50 yo mom than volatile, low income 23 yo mom.

Well duh, but it’s not a binary. FWIW the most difficult parents I’m dealing with this year at my elementary school are financially stable, volatile, mentally ill and in their late 40s/early 50s

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of someone getting angry about this topic.

What a strange question.

Seems like a troll post designed to get people fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

I didn’t meet DH until my thirties. Motherhood before 35 would have been within a bad marriage. I’m very glad I waited in my unique situation. I’m very glad that you didn’t wait in yours.

I'm a NP, but sometimes, the message isn't put so nicely. I think the friction is caused when women (maybe inadvertently?) imply that older moms are, automatically, better moms.

Being older doesn't automatically mean that you are more patient, in a stronger relationship, richer, or in any way better equipped to manage motherhood.

I'm glad that it worked out for you that way, but there are plenty of women who are well equipped, happily married, well educated, have good careers, and doing a great job at motherhood, and had their children in their 20s or 30s.

But being older DOES automatically mean that there are additional risks associated with pregnancy.

That is the only PSA worthy of sharing.

Heck I would love to be a mom starting at 23, it’s just I can’t find a husband 🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of ways to help moms of all ages have healthy pregnancies.

I judge 50 year old moms who can afford to have kid way less than 23 year old moms who aren’t financially or emotionally ready and then screw them up

People who can afford their kids screw them up all the time

sure but that's not the point of the statement. The point was that financial stability and emotional stability trump age. would rather have kind, financially stable 50 yo mom than volatile, low income 23 yo mom.

Well duh, but it’s not a binary. FWIW the most difficult parents I’m dealing with this year at my elementary school are financially stable, volatile, mentally ill and in their late 40s/early 50s

Lord, I'm 50 and insanely perimenopausal - mood swings, brain fog, fatigue, irrational anger. I don't think throwing a toddler in this mix would be a good idea.

I was a happy piece of cake at 23!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because how dare a woman do what she wants to do with her body.

Special Ed classes support many of their children. Selfish decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth to my daughter at 29. At 31 when we tried again we were told I was infertile. Glad I didn't wait until my 30s. Any nutjob spreading nonsense about being glad they waited or promoting this creepy motherhood after 35 and 40 let alone 45 has impure motives.

I didn’t meet DH until my thirties. Motherhood before 35 would have been within a bad marriage. I’m very glad I waited in my unique situation. I’m very glad that you didn’t wait in yours.

I'm a NP, but sometimes, the message isn't put so nicely. I think the friction is caused when women (maybe inadvertently?) imply that older moms are, automatically, better moms.

Being older doesn't automatically mean that you are more patient, in a stronger relationship, richer, or in any way better equipped to manage motherhood.

I'm glad that it worked out for you that way, but there are plenty of women who are well equipped, happily married, well educated, have good careers, and doing a great job at motherhood, and had their children in their 20s or 30s.

But being older DOES automatically mean that there are additional risks associated with pregnancy.

That is the only PSA worthy of sharing.

But the a PP on this thread said it in a really hurtful way. It’s hard not to feel attacked when you’re called “creepy”. Both sides need to be kinder.

[Anonymous]

I think all the women out there who are advocating that women wait until their mid 40s to have children have NO IDEA that perimenopause exists. Or how women's bodies work.

Do they just think you can go to the right doctor and request a baby? At any age?

I guess you can? If you just buy the fertility of a younger person?