Why do people get so much angrier at women having babies over 45 than men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

[Anonymous]

I was done having my kids at 35. I don’t care what other women do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was done having my kids at 35. I don’t care what other women do.

I should say I don’t care unless they exploit the fertility of younger women to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mad, but I do tend to roll my eyes when a 45+ y.o. woman lies to herself and others about how much energy she has chasing a toddler, and how it was the best decision ever to wait. It's the trying to convince themselves and others that's irritating.

I absolutely believe that a 45 year old who is in good health can/does have plenty of energy to chase a toddler. But parenting doesn't end with toddlerhood. Now that my kids are older, I feel like the real "chickens coming home to roost" moments aren't in babyhood or early elementary, when a well-established older couple can hire night nannies and after-school drivers. It's when they are 60+ dealing with late night soccer practices or typical adolescent behavioral challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was done having my kids at 35. I don’t care what other women do.

I should say I don’t care unless they exploit the fertility of younger women to get there.

Don't leave out the men. Lots of infertility is due to male factor issues.

[Anonymous]

OP said 45+, meaning women ages 45, 46, 47, etc, giving birth.

Most comments are "I had a baby at 41 and it was fine!"

Not the same thing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said 45+, meaning women ages 45, 46, 47, etc, giving birth.

Most comments are "I had a baby at 41 and it was fine!"

Not the same thing at all.

Totally not the same thing! So easy to have a baby naturally in your early 40’s. Not so much after 45. That’s when the sh— really hits the fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say I get angry at a woman for having a baby around the age of 45, but I do think they are being sort of reckless with their lives, the life of the baby, and the lives of any other children they have?

Isn’t it common knowledge that the ALL of the risks of childbirth go way up after 40 and continue to rise with the age of the age of the mother? I was an AMA mom myself, and one of the reasons I stopped at one child was I knew the odds of a healthy pregnancy and baby weren’t as good as they were a couple years earlier when I was 39.
[/


The blatant disregard for the risks associated with AMA, mom and child, is absolutely wild to me. Even for super healthy people, the risks are high.

It's a specific type of arrogance that I find really off putting.
"The risks don't exists in MY situation..."

It is a personal health issue, though. Just like women under 35 who have/don't have health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Using age as an overall metric for the mother's health galls me. The OB for my 2nd birth at 42 would regale me with a new vivid account of some risk I was running. He tried to get everyone to induce early since he was a single MD practice with no one covering for him. I always had to google to ascertain that all the gory pictures he was painting had warning symptoms that I didn't have. I don't think a marathoner from a long lived family who conceived in two months at 42 should be lumped in with the general population of 42 year olds.

THIS is the arrogance I am talking about.

Somehow, this one individual is immune to the researched and evidenced risks of AMA.

Give. Me. A. Break.

That’s actually my problem with many women who waited until their 40s to have kids. They tend to think they know better than all of us who had kids in our 20s and 30s.

Or they simply didn’t have the same opportunities that you did. Why do women always have to be divided into warring tribes? Stop falling for it.

Well, they probably aren’t the same women getting smug and saying how they’re glad they got to “live a life before they had kids” and “are much better mothers because they waited” there’s no reason to say that to someone who had children decades before you

OMG all of you are such a-holes. More likely those older mothers are defensive because they have been insulted so many times by people like those on this thread. So many assumptions and generalizations. PP is correct, stop feeding into the mommy wars. YOU are part of the problem. Live your life and stop assuming you know why other people make the decisions they do.

As an older mom, I've had numerous women tell me, unsolicited, that they're happy they had their children early and didn't wait like I did.

I will say most of the women who say that look tired, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Or even more unusual a baby was born recently from a 25 year old frozen egg.

If the surrogate was 23 the baby would be two years older than the surrogate mom when born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mad, but I do tend to roll my eyes when a 45+ y.o. woman lies to herself and others about how much energy she has chasing a toddler, and how it was the best decision ever to wait. It's the trying to convince themselves and others that's irritating.

I absolutely believe that a 45 year old who is in good health can/does have plenty of energy to chase a toddler. But parenting doesn't end with toddlerhood. Now that my kids are older, I feel like the real "chickens coming home to roost" moments aren't in babyhood or early elementary, when a well-established older couple can hire night nannies and after-school drivers. It's when they are 60+ dealing with late night soccer practices or typical adolescent behavioral challenges.

Completely agree! Older parents can frequently afford to hire help as needed with the early years. It’s the adolescent/young adult issues that invariably crop up that are much more exhausting when you are 60+. Add an elderly parent to care for as well to the mix and it can be quite draining. And I’m speaking from personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it.

No one bats an eye if a man is 48 but if a woman is then it’s somehow unacceptable

Jealousy…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it.

No one bats an eye if a man is 48 but if a woman is then it’s somehow unacceptable

I have never seen anyone angry over this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally every woman we know who had a child around or after 40 has a child with health complications - from allergies to extreme disabilities.

Health issues with the child are nowhere close to the same with the fathers over 40.

If we're considering "allergies" a "health complication," then literally every single woman I know who has had a baby at any age had children with health complications.

Every single child you know has allergies? That is...not normal.