Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

If you are for real, she is right to run fast. Your daughters need a parent, not a friend. You aren't worth it as you aren't parenting your kids and rather let it slide than step up.

+1
You didn’t teach them basic manners. Let this one go and focus on the limited time you have left with your kids to teach them the most fundamental behaviors they will need to be successful adults.

Kids this age shouldn’t be rolling their eyes. Folks who think this is normal are not good parents - this is not normal for near adults.

[Anonymous]

These kids aren’t adults or near adults. Surprised by people saying that. They’re still kids and will be for a few more years, especially in today’s time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

If you are for real, she is right to run fast. Your daughters need a parent, not a friend. You aren't worth it as you aren't parenting your kids and rather let it slide than step up.

+1
You didn’t teach them basic manners. Let this one go and focus on the limited time you have left with your kids to teach them the most fundamental behaviors they will need to be successful adults.

Kids this age shouldn’t be rolling their eyes. Folks who think this is normal are not good parents - this is not normal for near adults.

It's normal behavior for kids who are being coerced into something they clearly do not want to do. They're being rude on purpose. Do you not see that? And it's absurd to play Miss Manners when the dad is being much worse than rude for coercing them to put up with the girlfriend when he knows they don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this who you left their mother for?

If so, I get it.

If not, maybe they see right through your girlfriend. It might be her- not them.

If he’s been divorced for 8 years and with the GF for 1.5, what do you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a lot of you are projecting a ton with no info from OP. But this is DCUM.

The only info I'd like from OP is why does his girlfriend want to spend time with the daughters? What's in it for her?

Not sure. I don’t want any more kids or to be remarried till I’m old and their grown +25-30+.

Have you told her this clearly and firmly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kids aren’t adults or near adults. Surprised by people saying that. They’re still kids and will be for a few more years, especially in today’s time.

If they committed a crime, they would be charged as an adult. So yes, in our country, we believe 18 year olds should be held to the standard of an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids aren’t adults or near adults. Surprised by people saying that. They’re still kids and will be for a few more years, especially in today’s time.

If they committed a crime, they would be charged as an adult. So yes, in our country, we believe 18 year olds should be held to the standard of an adult.

Adults don't have to spend time with their parent's girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your girlfriend, I would not tolerate this situation.

And if I were your kids, I'd make dad pay for breaking up my home for the rest of his life.

You don't need a "girlfriend" now OP. You have daughters who will be out of your house in about a year. Surely you can put your lovelife on hold until then, and give them the father they need before they go out on their own, believing that all men will eventually dump them and come up with a shiny new toy.

He’s been divorced for 8 years. Come on. Very few people are going to live like monks or nuns for that long.

Where does he say that? I don't think anyone's expecting celibacy. The question is why he needs his girlfriend to be spending time with his kids, at all. And also, what is the difficult situation mentioned in the original post?

The girlfriend is likely naive about teen behavior. Teens roll their eyes at everyone. It's not uncommon and you shouldn't be dating a divorced man if you can't handle it.

OP, you need to take seriously any legitimate complaint your kids may have. If the girlfriend is your AP they will never accept her. And if she's much younger than you, they will never accept her. And if she has unrealistic behavior expectations it will not go well.

You can get a new relationship but they can never have a re-do on an intact family. She will always be an interloper. They may stop being rude, but it will never be a normal family. Accept it.

My tween and teen girls do not roll their eyes at anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your girlfriend, I would not tolerate this situation.

And if I were your kids, I'd make dad pay for breaking up my home for the rest of his life.

You don't need a "girlfriend" now OP. You have daughters who will be out of your house in about a year. Surely you can put your lovelife on hold until then, and give them the father they need before they go out on their own, believing that all men will eventually dump them and come up with a shiny new toy.

He’s been divorced for 8 years. Come on. Very few people are going to live like monks or nuns for that long.

Where does he say that? I don't think anyone's expecting celibacy. The question is why he needs his girlfriend to be spending time with his kids, at all. And also, what is the difficult situation mentioned in the original post?

The girlfriend is likely naive about teen behavior. Teens roll their eyes at everyone. It's not uncommon and you shouldn't be dating a divorced man if you can't handle it.

OP, you need to take seriously any legitimate complaint your kids may have. If the girlfriend is your AP they will never accept her. And if she's much younger than you, they will never accept her. And if she has unrealistic behavior expectations it will not go well.

You can get a new relationship but they can never have a re-do on an intact family. She will always be an interloper. They may stop being rude, but it will never be a normal family. Accept it.

My tween and teen girls do not roll their eyes at anyone.

Oh they do. There's a lot of stuff you don't see them do but they still do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your girlfriend, I would not tolerate this situation.

And if I were your kids, I'd make dad pay for breaking up my home for the rest of his life.

You don't need a "girlfriend" now OP. You have daughters who will be out of your house in about a year. Surely you can put your lovelife on hold until then, and give them the father they need before they go out on their own, believing that all men will eventually dump them and come up with a shiny new toy.

He’s been divorced for 8 years. Come on. Very few people are going to live like monks or nuns for that long.

Where does he say that? I don't think anyone's expecting celibacy. The question is why he needs his girlfriend to be spending time with his kids, at all. And also, what is the difficult situation mentioned in the original post?

The girlfriend is likely naive about teen behavior. Teens roll their eyes at everyone. It's not uncommon and you shouldn't be dating a divorced man if you can't handle it.

OP, you need to take seriously any legitimate complaint your kids may have. If the girlfriend is your AP they will never accept her. And if she's much younger than you, they will never accept her. And if she has unrealistic behavior expectations it will not go well.

You can get a new relationship but they can never have a re-do on an intact family. She will always be an interloper. They may stop being rude, but it will never be a normal family. Accept it.

My tween and teen girls do not roll their eyes at anyone.

That's what you think. Have you tried coercing to spend time with someone you're in an unhappy dating relationship with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have two daughters, 17 and 18, who are good kids but not exactly warm toward my girlfriend. There’s been eye-rolling, mocking, and some rude comments, and my girlfriend of 1.5 yos feels like they’re being mean to her. She’s said she needs a break from the situation because it’s been really hurtful for her.

My view has been that they’re teenagers dealing with a complicated situation, and I’ve been inclined to let things slide rather than turn it into a bigger conflict. I don’t think they’re bad kids, but I also don’t want to force anything or escalate things with them.

I’m looking for some perspective on how to balance giving my daughters grace while also being fair to my girlfriend and her feelings.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

You need to teach your daughters that it's not OK to mock people or make fun of people, regardless of who they are. You should have been teaching them this their entire life. No time like the present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kids aren’t adults or near adults. Surprised by people saying that. They’re still kids and will be for a few more years, especially in today’s time.

Of course an 18yo is an adult and a 17yo is near an adult. And in today’s time? What world are you living in that a 18yo is a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume these girls "love their father and will understand." I know 2 adult women who are over the age of 50 who still can't be polite to their stepmoms of 20+ years.

Yup!

I have two stepsons.

I would NEVER date a man with daughters. Too complicated. And I'm a total girls girl. I just think that dynamic is inherently complicated. You're never going to win as the stepmom to daughters.

Well, I do have one friend who is nice to her stepmom. But that's rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to teach your daughters that it's not OK to mock people or make fun of people, regardless of who they are. You should have been teaching them this their entire life. No time like the present.

But it is okay to coerce people to spend time with your partner when they really don't want to?