single income family/ SAHM major disadvantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

+1 Its very stressful especially when you get that random call from school asking for you to pick up your kid. My private school has all these off days for professional development and theres always a scramble to find child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It really is.

It’s amazing what a person can accomplish when they don’t need to worry about anything except work. I’m not even talking about raising kids. I’m talking about everything in the hierarchy of needs, from keeping a roof over your head to having clean clothes on your back to having healthy food in your belly to nurturing all of your social relationships. Just complete freedom from anything that might interrupt your genius.

Statistics show that when men get married, their income goes up. When women get married, their income goes down. Mental labor is zero sum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It's moms who do most of the work, whether they are stay at home or working. And especially at the higher levels men don't.
Let me check the c suite at three companies where my spouse has been (ceo at all 3)
All of the men with kids had sahm, most of the women with kids had a husband who handled the kids or was stay at home when kids were younger, and the rest of the women execs don't have kids and don't plan to.

But literally no females with kids who didn't have a spouse who took the role of "parent first".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

+1 Its very stressful especially when you get that random call from school asking for you to pick up your kid. My private school has all these off days for professional development and theres always a scramble to find child care.

+1

And can you imagine how much less you'd advanced at work as a man if you ever had to say "nope I cannot travel this week for those meetings because it's my week to be in charge of the kids--my wife is already traveling".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It really is.

It’s amazing what a person can accomplish when they don’t need to worry about anything except work. I’m not even talking about raising kids. I’m talking about everything in the hierarchy of needs, from keeping a roof over your head to having clean clothes on your back to having healthy food in your belly to nurturing all of your social relationships. Just complete freedom from anything that might interrupt your genius.

Statistics show that when men get married, their income goes up. When women get married, their income goes down. Mental labor is zero sum.

So you married a man who didn't want to be a father or be a husband. You married a worker bee. "My dad makes so much money! I haven't seen him since 2018, but he's great!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM to law partner husband.

The thing is, my DH and I also both believed in both partners contributing financially and domestically (and we met when we were teens). But by the time he was making 3M+ a year, my 200K income was not contributing. It just wasn’t. So it’s a weird thing, to feel like I ought to be contributing financially, and I’m educated and accomplished, but I literally can’t.

My career became more like a hobby - and one I frankly didn’t like all that much. I still dabble part time so I can pick things up when the kids are older, but no question the only way for me to feel like contribute was to devote more of my time to family tasks. If I contributed 200K a year I wouldn’t be stopping us from being “dependent” on one income. If his income changes drastically, our lifestyle will change drastically (though we’d be ok).

Anyway just throwing that out there. Sometimes not working, even with school aged kids, IS the best way to contribute.

Just to be clear, you ARE working. You just aren’t getting paid for it. Anytime you feel otherwise, go over to the parenting forum and read the posts inquiring how much you should pay a live in nanny who, in addition to taking care of the kids, also: cooks, cleans, takes care of the house etc etc etc. You’ll find that you’re actually a unicorn who should be getting paid $200k.

Well that isn't how parenting works. And she is being 'paid' for it. Someone is paying for her housing, her food, her vacations, her clothes and personal care, her car, her savings, everything related to the kids, college funds, retirement funds etc. If you charged her 50% of all expenses for the family - she would have a big bill. Additionally the working parent is also doing things so if you add up paying them for every task they have ever done....the at home parent probably owes money.

Well housing and clothing aren’t payment for giving up a career to raise your children, but if you do want to turn marriage into a landlord/employee spreadsheet I’m fine with that too. Because I can guarantee you that at current market values I would not owe DH a damn cent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It really is.

It’s amazing what a person can accomplish when they don’t need to worry about anything except work. I’m not even talking about raising kids. I’m talking about everything in the hierarchy of needs, from keeping a roof over your head to having clean clothes on your back to having healthy food in your belly to nurturing all of your social relationships. Just complete freedom from anything that might interrupt your genius.

Statistics show that when men get married, their income goes up. When women get married, their income goes down. Mental labor is zero sum.

So you married a man who didn't want to be a father or be a husband. You married a worker bee. "My dad makes so much money! I haven't seen him since 2018, but he's great!"

I actually married a man who works and contributes at home, which was the only way I was having kids as the higher earner. But having kids at all and taking responsibility in their lives has held me back, no question. The mental responsibility is relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It really is.

It’s amazing what a person can accomplish when they don’t need to worry about anything except work. I’m not even talking about raising kids. I’m talking about everything in the hierarchy of needs, from keeping a roof over your head to having clean clothes on your back to having healthy food in your belly to nurturing all of your social relationships. Just complete freedom from anything that might interrupt your genius.

Statistics show that when men get married, their income goes up. When women get married, their income goes down. Mental labor is zero sum.

It’s a family unit at that point. It’s also a family decision. If a woman were single and potentially making more individually, the HHI still would be less.

I make more than my DH and always have. Could I make even more if he were a SAHP? Maybe but I’m not interested in that. Would my HHI be higher if I were single? Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It most certainly is much easier for anyone to advance when they don't have to worry about much outside of work, and can relax and not stress about any of that. You obviously don't have a partner who manages it all for you, so you don't recognize it.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs are the free labor that allow working moms with young kids to exist.

[Anonymous]

God who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It most certainly is much easier for anyone to advance when they don't have to worry about much outside of work, and can relax and not stress about any of that. You obviously don't have a partner who manages it all for you, so you don't recognize it.

I think pps point is that men don't stress about that in general. So it's not actually relieving anything. It's just patting yourself on the back for a made up benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs are the free labor that allow working moms with young kids to exist.

SAHMs are the nannies for working moms? SAHMs are the bus drivers for working moms? SAHMs are the lunch ladies for working moms?

How delusional do you have to be to buy this crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

But it's much easier to advance at work and much less stressful if you never have to worry about the kids or anything at the house. You go further than the guy who has to take the day off for sick kids or leave MWF at 5:30pm to do daycare pickup

Men don't do any of that shit anyways. Let's stop pretending that the SAHM is the "Reason" for a mans success. That's just imaginary flattery to content yourself for sitting at home all day. Do you think working moms don't pick up their kids?

It's moms who do most of the work, whether they are stay at home or working. And especially at the higher levels men don't.
Let me check the c suite at three companies where my spouse has been (ceo at all 3)
All of the men with kids had sahm, most of the women with kids had a husband who handled the kids or was stay at home when kids were younger, and the rest of the women execs don't have kids and don't plan to.

But literally no females with kids who didn't have a spouse who took the role of "parent first".

Money solves everything. I have a good friend who has a very well funded family trust that pays her around $1MM per year and she stands to inherit around $100MM. She works, actually a fairly high powered job, as does her husband.

Guess what...she never has to worry about anything at home. She has multiple nannies, including one that's live-in...if she has to get on a plane in an hour and travel somewhere, she goes and does it. No worries about picking kids up from school or really anything...she lets the nanny and her husband know, and off she goes.