single income family/ SAHM major disadvantage

[Anonymous]

I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

Yes, times have changed. People now see women as capable of contributing financially to a family just like men are capable of contributing domestically to the family. Assuming finaces aren't tight, I don't think most men care too much if their wives take time off to be at home when the kids are young but many want a partner who isn't happy to laze about for 30+ hours a week forever - they want someone with their own ambitions and interests who can talk about something other than the kids and shopping and netflix shows and recipes and what Jessica said at brunch yesterday. I think both men and women should contribute domestically and financially. Both are essential and major responsiblities that come with choosing to be parents and I don't think either should be put solely on one parent. Having a spouse who doesn't partner you or contribute in a major area makes it really feel like not a great partnership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

Yes, times have changed. People now see women as capable of contributing financially to a family just like men are capable of contributing domestically to the family. Assuming finaces aren't tight, I don't think most men care too much if their wives take time off to be at home when the kids are young but many want a partner who isn't happy to laze about for 30+ hours a week forever - they want someone with their own ambitions and interests who can talk about something other than the kids and shopping and netflix shows and recipes and what Jessica said at brunch yesterday. I think both men and women should contribute domestically and financially. Both are essential and major responsiblities that come with choosing to be parents and I don't think either should be put solely on one parent. Having a spouse who doesn't partner you or contribute in a major area makes it really feel like not a great partnership.

I’m Op and I don’t think we’ve seen this happen yet in US history. Two very high earner couples will (I think) ruin society. You can compete with these incomes.

[Anonymous]

Ehh, young men these days are all about "being a provider" so women can "be in their feminine" but they still expect you to work and pay 50%. It's a bizarre facade.

[Anonymous]

It cuts both way. I have a HYP classmate who chose to be a stay at home mom her whole life and dedicated her time to tiger parenting her kids. Now her kids both go to ivies and because her husband is a government worker, I assume they don’t pay a penny in tuition because their HHI is under 200k unlike rich parents who will pay 90k/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehh, young men these days are all about "being a provider" so women can "be in their feminine" but they still expect you to work and pay 50%. It's a bizarre facade.

Sure is. My daughter wants to marry a doctor.. but is worried because a lot of doctors want to marry doctors/similar She graduated with an Engineering degree from Yale and makes good money, but wants to be a SAHM and raise a lot of kids, but there aren’t a lot of guys happy about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

What do you do now, OP? What’s your job? Do you have a spouse and if so, what do they do? How’s your 529?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

Hard to say. I have a very flexible, work-from-whenever job, so I'm able to do a lot of the parenting, but still need a nanny because I do have some calls after school hours, my spouse travels for work, and my son still resents that I'm not a SAHM like most of his friends' moms. He's also getting sucked into the hyper-masculinity stuff that is all over social media and popular with his friends. So his generation regresses to more traditional gender roles, and he ends up resentful that he has to make all the money, and it's stressful...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehh, young men these days are all about "being a provider" so women can "be in their feminine" but they still expect you to work and pay 50%. It's a bizarre facade.

Sure is. My daughter wants to marry a doctor.. but is worried because a lot of doctors want to marry doctors/similar She graduated with an Engineering degree from Yale and makes good money, but wants to be a SAHM and raise a lot of kids, but there aren’t a lot of guys happy about that.

By the time doctors can afford a sahm and kids, they are too old to have a lot of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehh, young men these days are all about "being a provider" so women can "be in their feminine" but they still expect you to work and pay 50%. It's a bizarre facade.

Sure is. My daughter wants to marry a doctor.. but is worried because a lot of doctors want to marry doctors/similar She graduated with an Engineering degree from Yale and makes good money, but wants to be a SAHM and raise a lot of kids, but there aren’t a lot of guys happy about that.

There are still lots of traditional gender role guys out there, she could look more in the south. Not sure why she wants to marry a doctor - as long as she marries someone with similar gender role values who makes enough for her to stay home and do the domestic labor, she is set. I am sure if she posts on her profile about wanting to be a trad wife, she will get lots of replies. Assuming she has taken the time to learn the domestic skills she needs to be sure she is a good trad wife.

[Anonymous]

Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in awe of my classmates from college and medical school. Many of them are now partners at law firms married to a physician or another high level professional. I guess jobs now are more flexible as some have over 3 kids. I’m estimating their joint incomes to be 500-800k across the board. Growing up, it seemed that being a SAHM with high earner dad was high status/ privileged but now it’s having now having a mom as a law partner / dad surgeon with tons of money in your 529k. I bet this means that young men now are looking to marry someone who can put them into that next tax bracket vs sometime we can care for the kids.

What do you do now, OP? What’s your job? Do you have a spouse and if so, what do they do? How’s your 529?

My husband and I both make 200k each in a medicine-lawyer couple. I feel like already that’s gives our kids tons of advantages but some of my friends are taking it to the next level (I didn’t specialize and my husband isn’t at a firm) so it got me thinking about how this will have an impact on home prices, vacations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Two sales incomes here. Having two working spouses in sales allows us to dial up and dial down effort to focus on family as needed and also allows us to take more risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in well paying jobs, I’ve noticed that the men with SAHMs notice the men with the same jobs but who have wives who work have less pressure and more income and are envious especially if the spouse has good enough hours they do a lot of the SAHM duties.

Being the sole breadwinner is quite stressful. Makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ehh, young men these days are all about "being a provider" so women can "be in their feminine" but they still expect you to work and pay 50%. It's a bizarre facade.

Sure is. My daughter wants to marry a doctor.. but is worried because a lot of doctors want to marry doctors/similar She graduated with an Engineering degree from Yale and makes good money, but wants to be a SAHM and raise a lot of kids, but there aren’t a lot of guys happy about that.

There are still lots of traditional gender role guys out there, she could look more in the south. Not sure why she wants to marry a doctor - as long as she marries someone with similar gender role values who makes enough for her to stay home and do the domestic labor, she is set. I am sure if she posts on her profile about wanting to be a trad wife, she will get lots of replies. Assuming she has taken the time to learn the domestic skills she needs to be sure she is a good trad wife.

She believes that doctors make good husbands. She’s smart & knows what she wants so I don’t try to get in the way of or shatter her dreams.