Husband Wants Open Relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

You just do it.

Let your husband who’s probably already sleeping around explain that to your two kids.

Hopefully you work outside of the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband recently dropped a bombshell on me and asked to have an open relationship. He is telling me that he still loves me he just wants to hook up with other people but is not interested in dating anyone else. I’m really not sure what to think of this or how to respond. Just for context, I am in my 30s and we have two kids. We have been married for almost 8 years. I was very surprised about this conversation and kind of in shock, so I told him I needed some time to think. What should I say to him and how would you respond if your husband asked for permission to sleep around?

He has already had sex with someone else, OP. And it’s probably a regular thing.

BTDT with my ex-wife asking this question.

It didn’t end well.

Was your bedroom “dead?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

You just do it.

Let your husband who’s probably already sleeping around explain that to your two kids.

Hopefully you work outside of the home.

He was also so kind and sweet for the first 4-5 years after we were married so I’m not sure what changed all of a sudden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

You just do it.

Let your husband who’s probably already sleeping around explain that to your two kids.

Hopefully you work outside of the home.

He was also so kind and sweet for the first 4-5 years after we were married so I’m not sure what changed all of a sudden.

You had kids and he is not the center of the universe anymore.

[Anonymous]

by the time a man says this he is already f-ing around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

If you stay, you're teaching your kids that being treated like garbage by a partner is acceptable. You show them that standing up for themselves is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Pages upon pages and no answer to the question about the state of the bedroom from the first page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pages upon pages and no answer to the question about the state of the bedroom from the first page.

Because it’s irrelevant. If her DH has concerns about their private intimate life then it’s a discussion he should first have with his wife.

Long before seeking out anyone else or offering to open the marriage which is just his validation for cheating.

[Anonymous]

Is that you honey? We were in a sexless marriage for 4 years before I asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad we're in a Christian marriage, where neither spouse has to worry about this happening.

Nah. Liberal POS husbands try to frame cheating as sexual exploration then get snitty when their wife has better options in the dating market than them. Conservative POS husbands just cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a loser! I would divorce over this. I bet he’s already sleeping around.

Yeah that was my initial reaction, but I’m not sure if divorcing him is a good idea. When my grandfather got divorced, he ended up getting remarried later and some skank stole my mother’s inheritance. I don’t want my kids inheritance to get stolen from them by a sleazy second wife.

It might not be your choice if he decides to leave.

Yeah but we have a prenup that whoever files for divorce is gets less of the assets. There’s no cheating clause in it, just basically it’s presumed that the person who files for divorce is the one who caused the divorce.

that makes zero sense.

So, if the person is abusive (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically), and you file for divorce, it must be your fault?

We got married in our 20’s and I saw the prenup as more of a formality. I never expected to actually need to use it. I thought it was just something his parents were forcing him to do, but I did not have any reason to expect that it would be potentially weaponized against me during the marriage to excuse bad behavior.

You need to see an attorney first and foremost. Often courts will throw out prenups with those "penalty clauses" because they do not want people trapped in marriages via financial punishment. Also, the fact that family pressured you both can mean the prenup gets thrown out.

Do NOT agree to the open marriage. He can later use this against you. If you do decide to file for divorce later on, he can argue you gave consent to the open marriage.

I would also be VERY suspicious this is a play by him to push you towards divorcing him - is it possible he wants to divorce but does not want to be financially punished? There are some sick people who will do everything they can to push the other person into filing.

Document absolutely everything. The open marriage request, any pressure, any threats, etc.

Remember this for what it is: he is expecting *you* to take on the risk while he expands his options. He gets sexual freedom and financial protection, you get emotional risk, STD risk, risk of him getting someone pregnant, and even if he gives you herpes and knocks up a hooker, you are *still* financially punished for leaving.

BUT a possible strategic move is to agree to the open marriage under the conditions of a postnup that kills the penalty clause, adds in boundary violation clauses detailing the terms of the open marriage (eg use protection, no coworkers/friends/exes, no sex workers, etc) and if he violates those, he forfeits assets. I'd also add in guaranteed spousal support, so if, say, he runs off with another woman, you get a payout. He also covers all STD tests, counseling, sitters for when he goes out, etc so you aren't shouldering the financial burdens.

Idea is that if he wants to change the marriage, he also accepts financial responsibility for the risk he's introducing.

I love this. Amazing post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is that you honey? We were in a sexless marriage for 4 years before I asked.

My husband never says honey so clearly it’s not my husband lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a loser! I would divorce over this. I bet he’s already sleeping around.

Yeah that was my initial reaction, but I’m not sure if divorcing him is a good idea. When my grandfather got divorced, he ended up getting remarried later and some skank stole my mother’s inheritance. I don’t want my kids inheritance to get stolen from them by a sleazy second wife.

It might not be your choice if he decides to leave.

Yeah but we have a prenup that whoever files for divorce is gets less of the assets. There’s no cheating clause in it, just basically it’s presumed that the person who files for divorce is the one who caused the divorce.

that makes zero sense.

So, if the person is abusive (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically), and you file for divorce, it must be your fault?

We got married in our 20’s and I saw the prenup as more of a formality. I never expected to actually need to use it. I thought it was just something his parents were forcing him to do, but I did not have any reason to expect that it would be potentially weaponized against me during the marriage to excuse bad behavior.

If it gets ugly, tell his parents what he asked. If they are traditional, they should at least help with the grandkids.

Hah, yes, 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Divorce Ma’am

I have two kids that are under 4 years old though. My parents are divorced and I really don’t want to repeat that cycle with my own kids. How do I get divorced without destroying my kids lives?

If you stay, you're teaching your kids that being treated like garbage by a partner is acceptable. You show them that standing up for themselves is the right thing to do.

I think that is a valid point, but part of me thinks that being poor is even worse. There is a power imbalance here because his family is very wealthy and mine is not. His family could bury me with legal fees and court costs if they wanted to.