Friend asked to stay at our house with another friend when we are not there.

[Anonymous]

I love that you thought of us ❤️ but we’ve learned we’re only comfortable with the house being used when we’re there. It’s a firm rule for us, even with people we’re close to. I hope you understand.

I love this. It's so cute and passive-aggressive too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”

This.

OP, just say no and don't give explanations that could backfire on you and prompt these kind of responses.

Just say she’d have to pay to have it professionally redone. Maybe you had the oil drained. As soon as it becomes more expensive than Great Wold Lodge, she’ll stop asking.

Either that or you all have friends who just really are greedy and grasping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

You are absolutely right, OP. This is a rude request.

And no I would not allow my friend to inviter HER friend and KIDS to stay at your house when you aren't there.
Even if it weren't rude for her to ask (which is is), it is just an invitation for all sorts of trouble and more awkwardness (like if her friend's kids damage something in your house).

what if they break your boogie board?

ILY

[Anonymous]

I think you may be feeling a little used because this friend asked to bring along another friend (which is kinda rude to do imo.)

However since she went through a tough time, you may want to just let her visit w/her friend but that is entirely at your discretion……

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ew no that is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

Think about it: it’s either a romantic interest or a mom of her kid’s friend.

Practically speaking, do you have enough space for everyone? My guess is that you do not…and she knows this.

If she is struggling and this might be the only way she gets a vacation—and if she is really someone you consider a friend—ask yourself why you feel conflicted about accommodating her.

Maybe try this: ask her directly.

“Sally, I was a little surprised that you asked to use the house when we aren’t there rather than visiting us. Is there a reason why?”

You are obviously hurt. Maybe engage to find out her reasons rather than jump to conclusions and summarily shut her down…and risk damaging the friendship.

Honestly, an empty vacation home is just silly to me. I’d err on being generous with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

You are absolutely right, OP. This is a rude request.

And no I would not allow my friend to inviter HER friend and KIDS to stay at your house when you aren't there.
Even if it weren't rude for her to ask (which is is), it is just an invitation for all sorts of trouble and more awkwardness (like if her friend's kids damage something in your house).

And liability issues if someone gets hurt. $$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say no. Despite what the friend is going through, it's an obnoxious request to ask to use your home with another friend while you are away.

+1
Especially a stranger to you.
Worst worst case scenario (we on DCUM love our fabrications and novellas) is that it's some kind of drug addict and they are into drugs now together and invite unsavory dealers over as well. And they bring a dog. Drug dog. Or cocaine bear.

Don't you wish this was true. You know it would be spun in to a 100+ page dcum post with so many fun arguments over trivialities.

200+ with camera footage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

That's unnecessarily rude. Plenty of people with vacation homes are happy to have their friends use them.

Fine to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for us. Hope to see you soon! Happy holidays!"

She never said this was a vacation home. She said this was her house in the countryside. There are people who split time between more than one primary residence and live with their personal belongings at both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be feeling a little used because this friend asked to bring along another friend (which is kinda rude to do imo.)

However since she went through a tough time, you may want to just let her visit w/her friend but that is entirely at your discretion……

Good luck!

op - you nailed it.

I have been working on mentally trying to get there with being ok with it, but my brain is not letting me. I'm concerned that even if i want to be the kind of person who is not offended by this, i factually am offended by it and therefore will continue to be so while they are at my home and possibly thereafter as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

Think about it: it’s either a romantic interest or a mom of her kid’s friend.

Practically speaking, do you have enough space for everyone? My guess is that you do not…and she knows this.

If she is struggling and this might be the only way she gets a vacation—and if she is really someone you consider a friend—ask yourself why you feel conflicted about accommodating her.

Maybe try this: ask her directly.

“Sally, I was a little surprised that you asked to use the house when we aren’t there rather than visiting us. Is there a reason why?”

You are obviously hurt. Maybe engage to find out her reasons rather than jump to conclusions and summarily shut her down…and risk damaging the friendship.

Honestly, an empty vacation home is just silly to me. I’d err on being generous with a friend.

op - i said to her why dont you come when we are there, but then the friend would not be able to come bc we cannot all fit. And so she then asked about another weekend as an alternative which would be when we are not there and the friend could come. So it's not about the only way she gets a vaca, it's also about her having a vaca with the friend rather than with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

Think about it: it’s either a romantic interest or a mom of her kid’s friend.

Practically speaking, do you have enough space for everyone? My guess is that you do not…and she knows this.

If she is struggling and this might be the only way she gets a vacation—and if she is really someone you consider a friend—ask yourself why you feel conflicted about accommodating her.

Maybe try this: ask her directly.

“Sally, I was a little surprised that you asked to use the house when we aren’t there rather than visiting us. Is there a reason why?”

You are obviously hurt. Maybe engage to find out her reasons rather than jump to conclusions and summarily shut her down…and risk damaging the friendship.

Honestly, an empty vacation home is just silly to me. I’d err on being generous with a friend.

op - i said to her why dont you come when we are there, but then the friend would not be able to come bc we cannot all fit. And so she then asked about another weekend as an alternative which would be when we are not there and the friend could come. So it's not about the only way she gets a vaca, it's also about her having a vaca with the friend rather than with us.

I will say that we have friends who are very graciously lending us their second home to throw a small milestone celebration for one of our kids. They offered in hypothetical terms awhile back and then we took them up on it more recently; I did feel a bit awkward just because it's very generous of them! But there are some people who are genuinely fine with this. We do go up to their house to see them pretty frequently though, so that aspect is different.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird to ask to do this if you never actually said you'd offer the house for people to stay there in your absence. It's presumptuous and puts you in a tough spot.

[Anonymous]

ChatGPT is inadequately trained.

Option 1: Thank you for thinking of us BUT..

Option 2: I’m so glad you feel comfortable asking BUT…

Option 3: That’s really kind of you to ask BUT…

Why would a homeowner say any of the above to someone asking to squat in their home when 1. homeowner isn’t there 2. They’ve not been invited to use their home when not there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I’d just ignore it.

You have every right to feel whatever you’re feeling. Something’s not sitting right with you. No need to respond to the message.

That's childish. Grow up.