Friend asked to stay at our house with another friend when we are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

That's unnecessarily rude. Plenty of people with vacation homes are happy to have their friends use them.

Fine to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for us. Hope to see you soon! Happy holidays!"

Maybe, but usually that's communicated by the homeowner before the friend invites herself to use it like a free airbnb.

[Anonymous]

I have experience with this. I had a tiny 800 sq foot second home THAT I DID NOT RENT OUT. It was for personal use.

I say no. I'd tell her "It is so kind of you to think of us. The country home is currently winterized and is not set up for habitation so it is unavailable."

I had my personal belongings throughout my home and each time I left I had it set up for how I wanted it when I returned.

My insurance was second home insurance for personal use and did not allow for nightly rentals so I did not rent it out.

I did not feel that I could say no to my sister's friends requests so....

The Mom of my sister's friend stayed there for free to attend her daughter's graduation.

The Army ranger friend of my sister and his wife stayed there for free to attend the wedding of a friend.

Then my sister put an illegal immigrant in the unit without my knowledge.

Since I don't have a cleaning service or a regular maintenance guy the whole thing was problematic preparing for the next person since I live across the country.

When my boyfriend and I went out there to live and work for 3 months nothing was how I left it. When I left I left the unit with my unscented detergents and my natural cleaners....vinegar etc. None of this remained. I had to throw out a lot of caustic scented cleaning products. My high thread count bedding was gone replace with something cheap from Walmart. The shower door was broken.

I sadly sold the unit as it was so much hassle with the freeloader friends of my sister.

I WOULD SAY NO. If you don't the friend of the friend will want to stay there for free. It snowballs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you say no, you should write an extra paragraph explaining what quirks or imminent failures in the house require that you or your husband be there while guests visit.

Absolutely NOT. Say less! The more you explain, the more you open the door for arguments.

A simple, “No, we don’t have people in the home when we’re not there” will suffice. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say no. Despite what the friend is going through, it's an obnoxious request to ask to use your home with another friend while you are away.

I mostly agree with this except for 3 friends that I’ve known for decades and are closer to than family. I’ve said no to cousin requests and open door invites to these three whether I’m there or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

That's unnecessarily rude. Plenty of people with vacation homes are happy to have their friends use them.

Fine to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for us. Hope to see you soon! Happy holidays!"

You are out of line. Women are too often told they are rude when they are speaking honestly. There is nothing rude about that post. Are you one of those people who admonishes women to use their "soft voices"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with this. I had a tiny 800 sq foot second home THAT I DID NOT RENT OUT. It was for personal use.

I say no. I'd tell her "It is so kind of you to think of us. The country home is currently winterized and is not set up for habitation so it is unavailable."

I had my personal belongings throughout my home and each time I left I had it set up for how I wanted it when I returned.

My insurance was second home insurance for personal use and did not allow for nightly rentals so I did not rent it out.

I did not feel that I could say no to my sister's friends requests so....

The Mom of my sister's friend stayed there for free to attend her daughter's graduation.

The Army ranger friend of my sister and his wife stayed there for free to attend the wedding of a friend.

Then my sister put an illegal immigrant in the unit without my knowledge.

Since I don't have a cleaning service or a regular maintenance guy the whole thing was problematic preparing for the next person since I live across the country.

When my boyfriend and I went out there to live and work for 3 months nothing was how I left it. When I left I left the unit with my unscented detergents and my natural cleaners....vinegar etc. None of this remained. I had to throw out a lot of caustic scented cleaning products. My high thread count bedding was gone replace with something cheap from Walmart. The shower door was broken.

I sadly sold the unit as it was so much hassle with the freeloader friends of my sister.

I WOULD SAY NO. If you don't the friend of the friend will want to stay there for free. It snowballs.

Habitation? Who the heck talks like that? 🙄

[Anonymous]

“Just to be clear, Nancy, you are declining my invitation to visit…but you want just my house, not me, so you can hang out with someone else? Do I have that right? If so, please lose my number.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no, or as someone up thread suggests, just ignore it.

We have friends who wanted to visit us while we were living in Los Angeles, but when we were away, so they'd get free accommodation, nothing about it was connected with seeing US.

I find that really offensive. I said no and we have not stopped being friends.

This is such an important point in a friendship. How someone responds to your saying no to them tells you so much about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you say no, you should write an extra paragraph explaining what quirks or imminent failures in the house require that you or your husband be there while guests visit.

This is ridiculous. These are adults, not children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say no. Despite what the friend is going through, it's an obnoxious request to ask to use your home with another friend while you are away.

+1
Especially a stranger to you.
Worst worst case scenario (we on DCUM love our fabrications and novellas) is that it's some kind of drug addict and they are into drugs now together and invite unsavory dealers over as well. And they bring a dog. Drug dog. Or cocaine bear.

Don't you wish this was true. You know it would be spun in to a 100+ page dcum post with so many fun arguments over trivialities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just to be clear, Nancy, you are declining my invitation to visit…but you want just my house, not me, so you can hang out with someone else? Do I have that right? If so, please lose my number.”

Ha. Yes.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people offer, "please come see us sometime (in some desirable place)" , later you inquire and it's awkward. Because they really didn't mean it. Tt was insincere. Don't be a jerk - say what you mean and mean what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people offer, "please come see us sometime (in some desirable place)" , later you inquire and it's awkward. Because they really didn't mean it. Tt was insincere. Don't be a jerk - say what you mean and mean what you say.

"Come see us" is a world of difference from "come stay in our home when we aren't there."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a house in the countryside. We often ask our friend to come and visit. She is usually too busy. However she messaged recently and asked when we'd be going away next as she'd love to come and stay while we are gone, with another friend.

The curveball in all of this is that this friend has recently gone through a very hard time, so i want to be a good friend. But something about the request is making me feel a little used.

Am i being selfish? Or is the feeling justified? Would love povs.

Trust your instincts. I would ignore or say you’re not comfortable with anyone staying at the house while you are not there.
(It is a pretty ridiculous ask, either you’re very very close, and she is comfortable asking you, or she is socially unaware and clueless, or both.) Regardless, it is okay to say no. That’s what I would be saying.

[Anonymous]

It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?