Friend asked to stay at our house with another friend when we are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”

This.

OP, just say no and don't give explanations that could backfire on you and prompt these kind of responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”

This.

OP, just say no and don't give explanations that could backfire on you and prompt these kind of responses.

This is why we ultimately started telling kids “because I said so” even though I swore I would never do that. Trying to give explanations just pulls you into endless arguing when you are dealing with irrational people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”

This.

OP, just say no and don't give explanations that could backfire on you and prompt these kind of responses.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”

This.

OP, just say no and don't give explanations that could backfire on you and prompt these kind of responses.

This is why we ultimately started telling kids “because I said so” even though I swore I would never do that. Trying to give explanations just pulls you into endless arguing when you are dealing with irrational people.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about? Let her use your vacation home. She won’t trash it. What’s the big deal?

She doesn’t want you to be there because she obviously wants to be alone with her “friend.”

Uhh...nope!

But why?

What are you afraid of?

This must not be a good friend (or you aren’t a good friend).

Would you let your parents or siblings use your house with you being present? I have. Ditto for friends.

I can’t wrap my head around what you are afraid of.

NP. You can’t “wrap your head around” the difference between visiting a friend’s house when your friend is there, and renting an Air BnB with another friend with whom you’d rather spend time? You can’t comprehend that difference? Huh.

+1 Some people are so entitled and rude but have been that way for so łong that they don't realize how they rationalize taking afvantage of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Oh no, I’m very nice and generous and I would be more amused by a request like this than offended, and I would even try to say yes if logistics allowed. But you’re wrong, it is very rude and clearly wrong to ask to use someone’s vacation house when they’re not there unless you’ve been given a clear standing offer to do so or they air bnb it and you’re signing up online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

Not directed at you but I don't get the love on DCUM for "that won't work." What won't work? The dates? The extra person? Or is the friend uninvited forever? To me that invites more questions and arguing.

I think it's so much better and clearer to say that the invitation is for hosting the friend while the OP is there, and they do not allow people to stay there without them because of (reasons). No reasonable person would argue back, but if they do, THEN you can say "sorry, that won't work for us." And then it's all very clear that the invite is still open for the friend to visit them, but they are not invited to use the house as an air B&B.

For those who have a basic understanding of language, it means those plans do not work.

If someone asks to use your house while you’re not there and you say that doesn’t work, it’s understood that you’re talking about those specific plans, not sharing your thoughts on a land war in Asia.

[Anonymous]

So sorry. We don't allow anyone to use any of our properties when we are not present. Exception is a handful of family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

You are absolutely right, OP. This is a rude request.

And no I would not allow my friend to inviter HER friend and KIDS to stay at your house when you aren't there.
Even if it weren't rude for her to ask (which is is), it is just an invitation for all sorts of trouble and more awkwardness (like if her friend's kids damage something in your house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

I think you must be the rude, asking friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

You are absolutely right, OP. This is a rude request.

And no I would not allow my friend to inviter HER friend and KIDS to stay at your house when you aren't there.
Even if it weren't rude for her to ask (which is is), it is just an invitation for all sorts of trouble and more awkwardness (like if her friend's kids damage something in your house).

what if they break your boogie board?

[Anonymous]

chatGPT gave the following answers

Here are a few polite, friendly ways to say no while keeping the boundary clear. The key is to be warm, brief, and unapologetic—you don’t need to over-explain.

Option 1: Simple and warm

Thank you for thinking of us! We actually have a firm rule that we don’t let anyone use the house when we’re not there. I hope you understand, and I really appreciate you asking.

Option 2: Friendly and appreciative

I’m so glad you feel comfortable asking, and I wish we could help, but we don’t allow anyone to stay at the house unless we’re present. It’s just a personal rule we stick to.

Option 3: Slightly more personal, still firm

That’s really kind of you to ask. We’ve learned that we’re most comfortable keeping the house closed when we’re not there, so we won’t be able to say yes—but thank you for understanding.

Option 4: If you want to soften it with future inclusion

We can’t have anyone stay when we’re away, but we’d love to have you visit sometime when we’re there.

[Anonymous]

Oh wait. I posted earlier that some people are fine with letting others use their vacation home and even like it so it's not vacant. BUT. They want to bring KIDS with them? that's a totally different story because the kids could be messy or get hurt.

yeah, shut that down.

[Anonymous]

chatGPT further tweak
Here’s a version that fits a close friend and works naturally over text—warm, clear, and firm without sounding stiff:

I’m really glad you asked, and I totally get why you’d want to use it. We actually have a hard rule that we don’t let anyone stay at the house when we’re not there. I hope you understand—it’s nothing personal at all.

If you want it a touch softer and more “friend-to-friend,” you could use this:

I love that you thought of us ❤️ but we’ve learned we’re only comfortable with the house being used when we’re there. It’s a firm rule for us, even with people we’re close to. I hope you understand.

Or, if you want to end on a positive note:

We can’t have anyone stay when we’re away, but I’d love to plan a visit together sometime when we’re there.

These keep the boundary clear, non-negotiable, and still warm—exactly what works best with close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

Not directed at you but I don't get the love on DCUM for "that won't work." What won't work? The dates? The extra person? Or is the friend uninvited forever? To me that invites more questions and arguing.

I think it's so much better and clearer to say that the invitation is for hosting the friend while the OP is there, and they do not allow people to stay there without them because of (reasons). No reasonable person would argue back, but if they do, THEN you can say "sorry, that won't work for us." And then it's all very clear that the invite is still open for the friend to visit them, but they are not invited to use the house as an air B&B.

For those who have a basic understanding of language, it means those plans do not work.

If someone asks to use your house while you’re not there and you say that doesn’t work, it’s understood that you’re talking about those specific plans, not sharing your thoughts on a land war in Asia.

"Larla and I want to stay at your cabin starting December 26th."

"That won't work for us."

"Ok, how about the first week of January?"

"That won't work for us."

"When would be a good time?"

I don't get it.

Why not just say what you mean, that the house isn't prepared for anyone to stay when you're not there. And then if they say they don't mind, you say that won't work.