Friend asked to stay at our house with another friend when we are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about? Let her use your vacation home. She won’t trash it. What’s the big deal?

She doesn’t want you to be there because she obviously wants to be alone with her “friend.”

Uhh...nope!

But why?

What are you afraid of?

This must not be a good friend (or you aren’t a good friend).

Would you let your parents or siblings use your house with you being present? I have. Ditto for friends.

I can’t wrap my head around what you are afraid of.

I'm not afraid of anything. Close family is different. I can't imagine the rudeness of asking someone to stay in their vacation home with a friend for free. Utlities? Cleanup? Liability if something goes wrong?

[Anonymous]

I assume your invitations have been with you hosting not an invitation to come when you aren't there? If so, how rude of your friend. Basically, she prefers your home to seeing you. That is what she is communicating.

Now if you said she could use it sometime while you are out of time, that is different. Were you clear about your invite?

[Anonymous]

Super weird she won't stay with you but wants it for herself and her guest.

Just say no, that doesn't work.

And rethink the friendship. She sounds like she's using you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

Op - it’s less that it’s her and her kids it’s more about asking when I’m not there so she she bring another friend rather than just coming to stay with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

I see how you’d think this when you’re late twenties maybe but not when you are full adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

WTH is wrong with you? If the friend wants to support this other random friend who is going through a hard time, the friend can rent an Airbnb or get a hotel room at a nice hotel like a normal person and not freeload off OP. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

We made a decision when we bought a vacation home that only our kids and their spouses can use. Other family or friend guests can visit when we're there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

Not directed at you but I don't get the love on DCUM for "that won't work." What won't work? The dates? The extra person? Or is the friend uninvited forever? To me that invites more questions and arguing.

I think it's so much better and clearer to say that the invitation is for hosting the friend while the OP is there, and they do not allow people to stay there without them because of (reasons). No reasonable person would argue back, but if they do, THEN you can say "sorry, that won't work for us." And then it's all very clear that the invite is still open for the friend to visit them, but they are not invited to use the house as an air B&B.

[Anonymous]

Too busy ever to come see you but wants your house without you.
No.
Doesn't work for us. Hope we can get together sometime next year. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that she’s specifically asking to visit when you’re gone. Did she recently divorce and wants to stay there with a new BF?

I’m not the op, but that’s a logical assumption.

It’s gross that she literally asked when WON’T you be there so she can plan to be there then. That’s really offensive and very different from “can we come x dates? Oh, shoot you won’t be there then? Any chance we can still use it?” She’s planning around not seeing you.

This. Very rude. I'd have to think hard about this request. It would depend on how much I'd want to support her in whatever she's going through.

Um…you mean you’d have to evaluate whether or not to support your friend?

Nice.

I’m baffled by the overwhelming response that asking to use a friend’s vacation home is audaciously rude.

It’s fine to ask a good friend…and it’s fine to say no. But most normal people would let a good friend use their place if it was available.

WTH is wrong with people? Dcumlandia is so weird.

I see how you’d think this when you’re late twenties maybe but not when you are full adult

This! I do think the varied responses to the OP reflects the posters' ages and points in life. In my 20s I would be more willing to accommodate such a request, although I would not have had the resources for a 2nd home in my 20s so there is that.

Now I am far beyond my 20s and there is no way I would want people staying at my home while I am not there, 2nd home or primary. No way. I value my privacy and I want things the way I want them without having to worry about someone there without me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just to be clear, Nancy, you are declining my invitation to visit…but you want just my house, not me, so you can hang out with someone else? Do I have that right? If so, please lose my number.”

100% this.

I know someone who has a small cabin in the woods that I would love to offer and PAY them to stay for a weekend because I know it would be kept clean but I don't because you don't mix things like that. I have never asked nor will I even though I'm willing to pay its just not something you do.

[Anonymous]

A stranger and the stranger’s kids at my vacation home without me there? Hard no.

A friend who wants to use my house even though I never offered, involving extra work for me including having to wash the bedding and clean up bathrooms, etc., after they stayed there? Plus not being confident they’d close up the house properly? Hard no.

Renting an Airbnb somewhere can be pretty inexpensive. She and her friend can chip in and do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry! It’s already been winterized. We’re opening it back up in April and would love to host you then. Let’s catch up soon!”

NO. Stop giving details that could be argued or backfire on you. Why do people think they have to come up with a scenario? Just say “No, that won’t work.”

How is someone going to argue with you that your vacation home was winterized? Are they going to ask for the bill?

“Oh, that’s not a problem. We don’t need much. When I was growing up, our country home was winterized, but I knew how to turn the water on for a short trip.”

“Okay, so then in April it should be good to go if I want to stay there with my friend.”

“Oh, so when will you open it back up?”