Parents who drink heavily vs Non-drinkers and their expectations for their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

Whether or not you agree with the law is one thing. But it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink. Giving your kids a drink pre-21 is telling them it is Ok to break the law. That is a slippery slope.

Do you agree with all the laws and the enforcement of them or just this particular one? Just wondering how consistent you are on this. What kind of message does any inconsistency send to your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

Whether or not you agree with the law is one thing. But it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink. Giving your kids a drink pre-21 is telling them it is Ok to break the law. That is a slippery slope.

Do you agree with all the laws and the enforcement of them or just this particular one? Just wondering how consistent you are on this. What kind of message does any inconsistency send to your kids?

Of course I don't agree with all the laws, but I do follow the vast majority of them. But the 21 year old drinking age is a particularly bad one because it is ignored everywhere. Go to any college in the country and see if there are kids under 21 drinking. Outside of maybe a few super religious schools, you will find underage kids drinking. You will also find plenty of high school kids drinking around the country. So even though it is the law that kids not drink before 21, they do, all over the place. And underage drinking is rarely prosecuted, and viewed as a non-priority among most police forces.

As a parent, I view this as the government effectively abdicating its responsibility over this issue. And I have to deal with the reality that my kid WILL be exposed to drinking by peers before they turn 21. So even though it is technically illegal (but not really effectively illegal because of the lack of enforcement and the frequency with which this law is flouted) I will give my kid alcohol when they are physically and mentally old enough to handle it in a controlled family setting, to help them develop some understanding of how alcohol works on their body and how to be responsible with it, before shipping them off the college where some 19 year old alcoholic with a fake idea will give them a different kind of education about alcohol.

You can clutch your pearls over that all you want, but unless you can demonstrate to me how the 21 year age limit is effective and useful at developing responsible behavior around alcohol, I don't care.

[Anonymous]

I'll only admit this anonymously, but I only care about my teens drinking if it crosses the line into affecting other areas of their life. If they ride with drunk drivers risking injury or worse, get into legal trouble, get into trouble at school, are hungover and need to call out sick from obligations like school or work, aren't getting their schoolwork done to a high standard -- anything like that, we would have a problem. If they're drinking but handling it well, frankly I remember my own teenage years and don't mind all that much.

3 teens, 1 in college and 2 juniors in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

Whether or not you agree with the law is one thing. But it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink. Giving your kids a drink pre-21 is telling them it is Ok to break the law. That is a slippery slope.

Do you agree with all the laws and the enforcement of them or just this particular one? Just wondering how consistent you are on this. What kind of message does any inconsistency send to your kids?

Of course I don't agree with all the laws, but I do follow the vast majority of them. But the 21 year old drinking age is a particularly bad one because it is ignored everywhere. Go to any college in the country and see if there are kids under 21 drinking. Outside of maybe a few super religious schools, you will find underage kids drinking. You will also find plenty of high school kids drinking around the country. So even though it is the law that kids not drink before 21, they do, all over the place. And underage drinking is rarely prosecuted, and viewed as a non-priority among most police forces.

As a parent, I view this as the government effectively abdicating its responsibility over this issue. And I have to deal with the reality that my kid WILL be exposed to drinking by peers before they turn 21. So even though it is technically illegal (but not really effectively illegal because of the lack of enforcement and the frequency with which this law is flouted) I will give my kid alcohol when they are physically and mentally old enough to handle it in a controlled family setting, to help them develop some understanding of how alcohol works on their body and how to be responsible with it, before shipping them off the college where some 19 year old alcoholic with a fake idea will give them a different kind of education about alcohol.

You can clutch your pearls over that all you want, but unless you can demonstrate to me how the 21 year age limit is effective and useful at developing responsible behavior around alcohol, I don't care.

So you are a hypocrite. Figured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

Whether or not you agree with the law is one thing. But it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink. Giving your kids a drink pre-21 is telling them it is Ok to break the law. That is a slippery slope.

Do you agree with all the laws and the enforcement of them or just this particular one? Just wondering how consistent you are on this. What kind of message does any inconsistency send to your kids?

Of course I don't agree with all the laws, but I do follow the vast majority of them. But the 21 year old drinking age is a particularly bad one because it is ignored everywhere. Go to any college in the country and see if there are kids under 21 drinking. Outside of maybe a few super religious schools, you will find underage kids drinking. You will also find plenty of high school kids drinking around the country. So even though it is the law that kids not drink before 21, they do, all over the place. And underage drinking is rarely prosecuted, and viewed as a non-priority among most police forces.

As a parent, I view this as the government effectively abdicating its responsibility over this issue. And I have to deal with the reality that my kid WILL be exposed to drinking by peers before they turn 21. So even though it is technically illegal (but not really effectively illegal because of the lack of enforcement and the frequency with which this law is flouted) I will give my kid alcohol when they are physically and mentally old enough to handle it in a controlled family setting, to help them develop some understanding of how alcohol works on their body and how to be responsible with it, before shipping them off the college where some 19 year old alcoholic with a fake idea will give them a different kind of education about alcohol.

You can clutch your pearls over that all you want, but unless you can demonstrate to me how the 21 year age limit is effective and useful at developing responsible behavior around alcohol, I don't care.

So you are a hypocrite. Figured.

Good come back, babe. Way to not engage any critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

Whether or not you agree with the law is one thing. But it is illegal for anyone under 21 to drink. Giving your kids a drink pre-21 is telling them it is Ok to break the law. That is a slippery slope.

Do you agree with all the laws and the enforcement of them or just this particular one? Just wondering how consistent you are on this. What kind of message does any inconsistency send to your kids?

Of course I don't agree with all the laws, but I do follow the vast majority of them. But the 21 year old drinking age is a particularly bad one because it is ignored everywhere. Go to any college in the country and see if there are kids under 21 drinking. Outside of maybe a few super religious schools, you will find underage kids drinking. You will also find plenty of high school kids drinking around the country. So even though it is the law that kids not drink before 21, they do, all over the place. And underage drinking is rarely prosecuted, and viewed as a non-priority among most police forces.

As a parent, I view this as the government effectively abdicating its responsibility over this issue. And I have to deal with the reality that my kid WILL be exposed to drinking by peers before they turn 21. So even though it is technically illegal (but not really effectively illegal because of the lack of enforcement and the frequency with which this law is flouted) I will give my kid alcohol when they are physically and mentally old enough to handle it in a controlled family setting, to help them develop some understanding of how alcohol works on their body and how to be responsible with it, before shipping them off the college where some 19 year old alcoholic with a fake idea will give them a different kind of education about alcohol.

You can clutch your pearls over that all you want, but unless you can demonstrate to me how the 21 year age limit is effective and useful at developing responsible behavior around alcohol, I don't care.

So you are a hypocrite. Figured.

Good come back, babe. Way to not engage any critical thinking.

You sound like the parent of one 5 year old child telling everyone how you'll be a perfect parents 10 years in the future. You're not a deep thinker at all.

[Anonymous]

I think the focus on parents who drink responsibly in front of their kids, or even parents who let older teens drink with meals with the family, is a distraction. These are non-issues unless you're a really intense teetotaler. Whether you do these things or not, there is no evidence that mom or dad having wine or beer with dinner, or even allowing a 17 year old to have a small glass of wine with Thanksgiving, is the source of alcohol problems. These are not a big deal.

The parents who regularly get drunk in front of their kids are a question mark for me, because it's surprisingly common in the circle of mostly upper middle class, highly educated parents in our neighborhood and school community. Getting drunk every weekend at family barbecues, drinking entire bottles of wine while out trick or treating with kids, using language like "I *need* a drink", drinking to excess at kid's birthday parties. I've seen all of this behavior, around young kids (all 10 and under) and I think it's weird and concerning.

What is apparent to me is that a lot of people are using alcohol as a coping mechanism to get through work stress, parenting stress, awkward social situations, and mental health issues. This is not normal or appropriate social drinking. This isn't wine with dinner or while watching a movie, a cocktail at a cocktail party. This is regularly drinking 5, 10, or more drinks at events with kids, and using dependency language around alcohol.

And to a person, these folks all think they are just "fun" and "social." I think I am considered a sober person within the community because I will often only have one drink or decline to drink at all (largely because as I get older, I find even one drink can disrupt sleep and make me feel bad in the morning, and it's just not worth it). Even my husband, who will regularly have 2-3 beers at any social event, is considered essentially a "non-drinker" because he declines offers to do shots or partake in the "house cocktail" (that is like 90% alcohol) at someone's *kid's birthday party.*

It's all so normalized and clearly unhealthy. I don't get it.