Parents who drink heavily vs Non-drinkers and their expectations for their kids

[Anonymous]

Do you think your drinking determines your comfort level with your teen's drinking? It seems that the daily drinkers are way more comfortable/normalize drinking in teens than those who rarely/don't drink? Agree or disagree?

[Anonymous]

I have friends who once they start drinking their kids ask to grab a drink and they just shrug and laugh.

[Anonymous]

Yes, strongly agree. I am a parent of teens.

The heavy drinkers totally normalize teen drinking. Also, they are typically quite social and socialize with other drinkers and so can't be bothered to notice or police if their own teenager is drinking. If I am drunk myself on a Saturday night, am I paying attention to where my teen is, who they're with, and whether they're drunk. Nope.

[Anonymous]

So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Come to the health and medicine forum, there’s someone there who is obsessed with people who drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Drinking alcohol daily as an adult is a lot. I am social and drink. Not casting judgement on alcohol at all. I don't know many people IRL who drink daily but anyone I know who does is a heavy drinker. Not a hell of a lot of people having one light beer a day or a genuine poor of 1 glass of wine a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Drinking alcohol daily as an adult is a lot. I am social and drink. Not casting judgement on alcohol at all. I don't know many people IRL who drink daily but anyone I know who does is a heavy drinker. Not a hell of a lot of people having one light beer a day or a genuine poor of 1 glass of wine a day.

Sorry genuine pour of 1 glass of wine a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

[Anonymous]

My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, and I don't think I'm a heavy drinker, though I was a heavier drinker pre-kids. I probably average 1-2 drinks every other week now, always socially.

I do "normalize drinking" with my kids, because having a drink or two with friends at a social occasion is a normal thing to do and can be part of a healthy lifestyle. I think demonstrating what healthy drinking looks like is valuable for kids.

I also think it's fine for older teens (16+) to have one small drink with a parent in their home during a family social event. My parents would let me have a small glass of wine or a beer on a special occasion sometimes starting around that age. I also think once kids are over 18 and away at college, if they are not driving, I have no problem with them going to a party and having a beer or two. I think a black and white all-drinking-before-21-is-bad attitude just encourages binge drinking. I also think as my kids get older, we'll talk about the multitude of risks that come along with over-imbibing.

I would not be okay with my high schooler drinking at a party, I would not be okay with my college kid getting wasted, I would never provide alcohol to my children or their friends for a party, I would never allow a party for teenagers with drinking at my home.

I don't know where that puts me in your spectrum, but that's one data point for you. And I don't think it's a rare one.

It's one thing to normalize drinking responsibly in front of your kids and another to behave like it's normal, common, and inevitable that teens will drink alcohol regularly in high school. Two different things.

[Anonymous]

Lol, was the Drinking on Halloween thread not going the way that you’d hoped?

[Anonymous]

Question for those who start these threads: is this just an excuse for teetotalers to feel smug and sanctimonious? Agree or disagree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who start these threads: is this just an excuse for teetotalers to feel smug and sanctimonious? Agree or disagree?

There is definitely a subset of DCUM posters who feel that any drinking at all, ever = heavy drinker.

[Anonymous]

I cut way back on my drinking as my kid got older (now 13) because he is up later so there is no wine-after-bedtime slot. And also because it’s one thing to drink around a kid who doesn’t really notice, and another thing to drink around a teen. I don’t want to be a bad example. So all the liquor is gone and no beer in fridge now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who start these threads: is this just an excuse for teetotalers to feel smug and sanctimonious? Agree or disagree?

I dunna. Is it an opportunity for drinkers, such as yourself, to betray your insecurity about your habituation to drinking?