Parents who drink heavily vs Non-drinkers and their expectations for their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think your drinking determines your comfort level with your teen's drinking? It seems that the daily drinkers are way more comfortable/normalize drinking in teens than those who rarely/don't drink? Agree or disagree?

We are a family where my husband and I have wine with our dinner and have since our kid was little. I only stopped drinking wine during pregnancy and nursing. Our DC has seen us have 1-2 glasses at dinner and sometimes nothing but we probably have wine with dinner 5x/week.

Our DC has been going to parties since 16.5/17 and has shared he does have a couple of drinks. These parties are once in 2-3 months so not that often. We usually pick our DC up and DC has never been drunk, just slightly tipsy. We have many candid talks about what alcohol does your brain, body and how we metabolize it and it's better not to drink at DC's age at all, but if you do, drink slowly and drink water or eat food with it.

We feel ok with that.

You shouldn't feel ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t dealt with this from the parental side yet, but I’m a millennial and my parents are immigrants. My dad is a daily drinker - 1-2 beers during the week and more on the weekends (socially). My mom hates alcohol, always has, and barely touches it. They both thought American underage drinking laws were pretty arbitrary and took the position that making alcohol freely available took away the “forbidden fruit” aspect and that I could help myself from the bar whenever I wanted, so sometimes my dad and I would have a drink together. This did not extend to serving my friends or hosting parties (but my best friend growing up was European, her parents and mine were friends, and we’d frequently have family dinners where her parents or mine served us both wine).

Once I was in college and got a fake ID, I’d sometimes use it out with them at a restaurant. Many times my mom would order for me at an open bar (or once on a cruise) if I asked. I was 18-20, not 16, though.

I will say my parents’ approach worked. Never felt the need to sneak around to drink in high school and didn’t go wild in college when alcohol was freely accessible because it wasn’t novel at all.

Did it though? It seems you are obsessed with alcohol.

NP you lose all credibility when you write nonsense like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Okay. Some real life examples. My non-driving teen has stuff like hey can I have a ride to Susie's house or hey I said I'd bring XYZ to school tomorrow can you bring me to CVS. Or even hey my ride home fell through can you come pick me up. Or can you pick me up earlier than planned.

I wish my life were fully scheduled however.

Are you a single parent?

No. So your solution is if I’m drinking I’ll hope my partner is around and not drinking?

Uh, yes? I mean, if unexpected things are really popping up so frequently that you can’t possibly count on a few hours where you won’t have to drive, it sounds like maybe your partner isn’t contributing equally to the driving.

So you get to drink daily and your partner never drinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Okay. Some real life examples. My non-driving teen has stuff like hey can I have a ride to Susie's house or hey I said I'd bring XYZ to school tomorrow can you bring me to CVS. Or even hey my ride home fell through can you come pick me up. Or can you pick me up earlier than planned.

I wish my life were fully scheduled however.

Are you a single parent?

No. So your solution is if I’m drinking I’ll hope my partner is around and not drinking?

Uh, yes? I mean, if unexpected things are really popping up so frequently that you can’t possibly count on a few hours where you won’t have to drive, it sounds like maybe your partner isn’t contributing equally to the driving.

So you get to drink daily and your partner never drinks?

Is your life really so insane that you’re not sure where you might possibly have to drive at 6pm every single night? Do you want to drink every single day, but you feel put out because you can’t? I really can’t figure out where you’re coming from.

It’s not about “getting” to drink daily. It’s like, if you’re in the mood for a drink every now and then but you think something might come up, you might say to your spouse, hey, I’d like a glass of wine, do you think you could be the designated driver tonight? Why do seem to think the driving is always your responsibility?

[Anonymous]

I remember the kids who judgmentally avoided alcohol in high school became binge drinkers in college.

DH and I are casual drinkers. Maybe 1 drink a week or less. But our daughter has seen us drink since infancy and we’ve never made a big deal about it other than the fact that it’s for grownups. Last night we attended the neighborhood Halloween get together where we each had a drink. As did all the other parents. Not a single person was drunk or whatever other hyperbolic situation the militants are imagining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t dealt with this from the parental side yet, but I’m a millennial and my parents are immigrants. My dad is a daily drinker - 1-2 beers during the week and more on the weekends (socially). My mom hates alcohol, always has, and barely touches it. They both thought American underage drinking laws were pretty arbitrary and took the position that making alcohol freely available took away the “forbidden fruit” aspect and that I could help myself from the bar whenever I wanted, so sometimes my dad and I would have a drink together. This did not extend to serving my friends or hosting parties (but my best friend growing up was European, her parents and mine were friends, and we’d frequently have family dinners where her parents or mine served us both wine).

Once I was in college and got a fake ID, I’d sometimes use it out with them at a restaurant. Many times my mom would order for me at an open bar (or once on a cruise) if I asked. I was 18-20, not 16, though.

I will say my parents’ approach worked. Never felt the need to sneak around to drink in high school and didn’t go wild in college when alcohol was freely accessible because it wasn’t novel at all.

Did it though? It seems you are obsessed with alcohol.

NP you lose all credibility when you write nonsense like this.

It's not nonsense though, pp went into detail how she and her parents conspired to get her alcohol because she needed to have it so badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember the kids who judgmentally avoided alcohol in high school became binge drinkers in college.

DH and I are casual drinkers. Maybe 1 drink a week or less. But our daughter has seen us drink since infancy and we’ve never made a big deal about it other than the fact that it’s for grownups. Last night we attended the neighborhood Halloween get together where we each had a drink. As did all the other parents. Not a single person was drunk or whatever other hyperbolic situation the militants are imagining.

Again your little story doesn't go with the statistics. The earlier you start drinking the more likely you are to have a problem with alcohol including binge drinking.
Just because you don't binge drink does not mean you don't have a problem with alcohol.
There's zero benefit to teen drinking zero.
It boggles my mind that the same crowd worried about short Halloween costumes, B grades social media phones and bedtimes for teens think teen drinking is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t dealt with this from the parental side yet, but I’m a millennial and my parents are immigrants. My dad is a daily drinker - 1-2 beers during the week and more on the weekends (socially). My mom hates alcohol, always has, and barely touches it. They both thought American underage drinking laws were pretty arbitrary and took the position that making alcohol freely available took away the “forbidden fruit” aspect and that I could help myself from the bar whenever I wanted, so sometimes my dad and I would have a drink together. This did not extend to serving my friends or hosting parties (but my best friend growing up was European, her parents and mine were friends, and we’d frequently have family dinners where her parents or mine served us both wine).

Once I was in college and got a fake ID, I’d sometimes use it out with them at a restaurant. Many times my mom would order for me at an open bar (or once on a cruise) if I asked. I was 18-20, not 16, though.

I will say my parents’ approach worked. Never felt the need to sneak around to drink in high school and didn’t go wild in college when alcohol was freely accessible because it wasn’t novel at all.

Did it though? It seems you are obsessed with alcohol.

NP you lose all credibility when you write nonsense like this.

It's not nonsense though, pp went into detail how she and her parents conspired to get her alcohol because she needed to have it so badly.

That's not what she said, at all, and when you make things up to suit your narrative and get histrionic about it no one can take your argument seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Okay. Some real life examples. My non-driving teen has stuff like hey can I have a ride to Susie's house or hey I said I'd bring XYZ to school tomorrow can you bring me to CVS. Or even hey my ride home fell through can you come pick me up. Or can you pick me up earlier than planned.

I wish my life were fully scheduled however.

Are you a single parent?

No. So your solution is if I’m drinking I’ll hope my partner is around and not drinking?

Uh, yes? I mean, if unexpected things are really popping up so frequently that you can’t possibly count on a few hours where you won’t have to drive, it sounds like maybe your partner isn’t contributing equally to the driving.

So you get to drink daily and your partner never drinks?

Is your life really so insane that you’re not sure where you might possibly have to drive at 6pm every single night? Do you want to drink every single day, but you feel put out because you can’t? I really can’t figure out where you’re coming from.

It’s not about “getting” to drink daily. It’s like, if you’re in the mood for a drink every now and then but you think something might come up, you might say to your spouse, hey, I’d like a glass of wine, do you think you could be the designated driver tonight? Why do seem to think the driving is always your responsibility?

You’re moving the goal posts. This started with people saying why it seems it could be problematic to have a daily drink. Of course everyone has times they can have a drink (or more) and be sure nothing will come up or turn to their spouse and say…you got this. Daily? Not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Okay. Some real life examples. My non-driving teen has stuff like hey can I have a ride to Susie's house or hey I said I'd bring XYZ to school tomorrow can you bring me to CVS. Or even hey my ride home fell through can you come pick me up. Or can you pick me up earlier than planned.

I wish my life were fully scheduled however.

Are you a single parent?

No. So your solution is if I’m drinking I’ll hope my partner is around and not drinking?

Uh, yes? I mean, if unexpected things are really popping up so frequently that you can’t possibly count on a few hours where you won’t have to drive, it sounds like maybe your partner isn’t contributing equally to the driving.

So you get to drink daily and your partner never drinks?

Is your life really so insane that you’re not sure where you might possibly have to drive at 6pm every single night? Do you want to drink every single day, but you feel put out because you can’t? I really can’t figure out where you’re coming from.

It’s not about “getting” to drink daily. It’s like, if you’re in the mood for a drink every now and then but you think something might come up, you might say to your spouse, hey, I’d like a glass of wine, do you think you could be the designated driver tonight? Why do seem to think the driving is always your responsibility?

How is this hard to follow. Where I’m coming from is in my life a drunk every day at 6pm would not work. And if my spouse was doing it every day at 6pm I’d be annoyed. We have lives as adults and shit going on.

[Anonymous]

I would like my children to understand how to enjoy alcohol socially.
One child was on a gap year where the drinking age was 18 in that country.
Another child is in a UK school where ale is regularly served up at the dorm lounge. That child is 17, surrounded by 18+.
I cannot control them. We do have serve wine with dinner when it's all of us together. But as parents we don't lounge around the house with a drink in our hand. I'd like to think we demonstrate moderation and how to enjoy alcohol as a social lubricant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember the kids who judgmentally avoided alcohol in high school became binge drinkers in college.

DH and I are casual drinkers. Maybe 1 drink a week or less. But our daughter has seen us drink since infancy and we’ve never made a big deal about it other than the fact that it’s for grownups. Last night we attended the neighborhood Halloween get together where we each had a drink. As did all the other parents. Not a single person was drunk or whatever other hyperbolic situation the militants are imagining.

Again your little story doesn't go with the statistics. The earlier you start drinking the more likely you are to have a problem with alcohol including binge drinking.
Just because you don't binge drink does not mean you don't have a problem with alcohol.
There's zero benefit to teen drinking zero.
It boggles my mind that the same crowd worried about short Halloween costumes, B grades social media phones and bedtimes for teens think teen drinking is perfectly fine.

I don’t think it’s true that there are no benefits. There are social benefits. I know it will blow your mind, but I genuinely think that can be the case. It’s ok and good for kids to have a little fun - within reason and safely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just so everyone is clear:

Recent studies have shown that there is no amount of alcohol that is safe, in terms of risks of heart disease, dementia and cancer later on in life.

I have no problems with social drinking in moderation, and giving sips to kids so they can taste alcohol, but please don't lie to yourself or anyone else that this is part of a "healthy lifestyle". It's just not. However, what I do acknowledge is the cultural and historical weight of alcohol in practically all ethnicities around the world. Alcohol production in human civilization predates the first days of agriculture! We have a long weaning period ahead of us.

So we just need to be honest with ourselves: previous generations had to deal with a lot more risks to life and limb than what regular drinking could lead to. Nowadays, we have the knowledge and means to avoid a lot of toxins. We should avoid them. But alcohol is culturally difficult to get rid of in most societies.

Just so you are clear, most societies didn't have potable water. Fermented liquid was the best alternative. Or boiling water constantly like the Asians do.
Apparently, the tavern bill during the first continental congress was quite impressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much judgment here! "Daily" drinkers being equated with "heavy" drinkers and also neglectful parenting. Avoiding alcohol entirely does not make you a better parent. Also this is the second post I've seen recently casting judgment on parents who are "social" and drink. Someone seems a little anxious....

Do you have teenagers? Do you drive them around later at night or wait up for them to be a ride in case they need it even if you weren't planning to drive? How does that work after your daily drink that is not heavy drinking?

DP. Tonight I will drink a glass of wine around 5:30 or 6 probably, eat a full dinner, and then go pick up my kid around 10. It’s not hard.

I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two.

Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours.

I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works.

Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours.

Okay. Some real life examples. My non-driving teen has stuff like hey can I have a ride to Susie's house or hey I said I'd bring XYZ to school tomorrow can you bring me to CVS. Or even hey my ride home fell through can you come pick me up. Or can you pick me up earlier than planned.

I wish my life were fully scheduled however.

Are you a single parent?

No. So your solution is if I’m drinking I’ll hope my partner is around and not drinking?

Uh, yes? I mean, if unexpected things are really popping up so frequently that you can’t possibly count on a few hours where you won’t have to drive, it sounds like maybe your partner isn’t contributing equally to the driving.

So you get to drink daily and your partner never drinks?

Is your life really so insane that you’re not sure where you might possibly have to drive at 6pm every single night? Do you want to drink every single day, but you feel put out because you can’t? I really can’t figure out where you’re coming from.

It’s not about “getting” to drink daily. It’s like, if you’re in the mood for a drink every now and then but you think something might come up, you might say to your spouse, hey, I’d like a glass of wine, do you think you could be the designated driver tonight? Why do seem to think the driving is always your responsibility?

How is this hard to follow. Where I’m coming from is in my life a drunk every day at 6pm would not work. And if my spouse was doing it every day at 6pm I’d be annoyed. We have lives as adults and shit going on.

You sound insufferable. And like you could use a drink more than anyone. Nobody is getting drunk from a single glass of wine.

But go on and enjoy your important adult life. Being on call 24/7 just in case your kid needs to be schlepped up the the CVS for some poster board sounds really balanced and fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember the kids who judgmentally avoided alcohol in high school became binge drinkers in college.

DH and I are casual drinkers. Maybe 1 drink a week or less. But our daughter has seen us drink since infancy and we’ve never made a big deal about it other than the fact that it’s for grownups. Last night we attended the neighborhood Halloween get together where we each had a drink. As did all the other parents. Not a single person was drunk or whatever other hyperbolic situation the militants are imagining.

Again your little story doesn't go with the statistics. The earlier you start drinking the more likely you are to have a problem with alcohol including binge drinking.
Just because you don't binge drink does not mean you don't have a problem with alcohol.
There's zero benefit to teen drinking zero.
It boggles my mind that the same crowd worried about short Halloween costumes, B grades social media phones and bedtimes for teens think teen drinking is perfectly fine.

These statistics are correlation not causation. Kids who have a genetic disposition for alcoholism or grow up with alcoholics are more likely to develop alcohol use disorder and therefore more likely to start drinking earlier.