Parents who drink heavily vs Non-drinkers and their expectations for their kids
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Anonymous
I don't believe daily drinkers are not at times driving around after having their daily drink. They just think it's fine to drive after a drink or two. |
Anonymous
I agree with you and found PPs language really judgmental and offensive. However, my mom is a child of alcoholics and I do agree with the PP that when people respond to that experience by being extremely restrictive and intense about alcohol, it's not a great situation. My mom should have gone to therapy and worked through her childhood experiences. Instead, she worked out her issues with her parents on her kids. She was insanely suspicious of everything we did, would accuse us of drinking and lying to her even when we weren't, would give these long lectures about how "our family has issues with alcohol" and that we were genetically predisposed to be alcoholics, etc. I know my mom had a really rough childhood and I try to have empathy for that, but her behavior was also abusive and dysfunctional even though she wasn't a drinker. I actually was not that interested in drinking as a teenager but decided to start drinking at parties when I was a senior in HS because my mom had accused me of drinking so many times by then that I figured I might as well. Please don't be that parent. It's really not productive. |
Anonymous
| It depends. DH drinks a lot and he was totally against our kids drinking. I know other parents were too. |
Anonymous
Depending on their weight and other factors, it may very well be fine. It is certainly fine after a few hours. |
Anonymous
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The people with little kids speculating how they will handle their teens drinking should wait and see what their kids are like. Some kids are much more driven to experiment than others.
My other observation is that by the time they are early teens, they 100 percent clock all the adults around them and who is drunk and how they are behaving with amazing clarity. They are watching and seeing everything. Also, the people who are functional drunks who think they don't seem drunk, they see you too. I have heard my own teens talk about this and their friends and teen family friends. As with all things, I think teens listen to what you say but what is most impactful is they see what you do and follow that example. |
Anonymous
I am pretty much in this camp, but also a child of alcoholics (same PP discussing role modeling). I tell my kids I am no ok with you drinking, it's illegal, unhealthy, you are high risk for addiction, etc. BUT if you do... safety first. |
Anonymous
I don't know how people with multiple children (elementary age+) and responsibilities (some planned and some not) can carve out the hour or two every day to have their daily drink and be sure they won't need to drive. That is certainly not how my life works. |
Anonymous
While I respect this fairly nuanced take, I do take issue with the bolded. This is not accurate. It would be accurate to say that even small amounts of alcohol have shown to slightly increase the risk of heart disease, dementia, and cancer. That does NOT mean that it's not part of a healthy lifestyle. I would even argue that it's not unsafe. We all do things that involve risk, every day. Sitting has negative health impacts. Eating processed meats, or any processed foods, has negative health impacts. Too much sunshine can have health impacts, as can too little. Driving has a ton of risk. Not getting adequate sleep - negative health impacts. But no one is going through life without having a day full of sitting. Most people eat an occasional processed treat (like Halloween candy!) A hot dog a ball game. Staying up late for special social events. Spending time at the beach with your family. Driving to a friend's house, or to a job that pays you well. These are all things healthy people do sometimes. Because we can't all just sit in a box doing the 100% perfectly healthy and safe things all the time, never taking any even small risks, and if we did, we'd be wildly depressed and anxious which has a whole other set of risks! That's not how life works. Everyone, all the time, is evaluating the risk vs reward of different activities, and a healthy lifestyle is one that's balanced. I would never say "staying up late is unsafe" or "eating a hot dog is unsafe" - that's way too strong of a word. The same with a moderate or small amount of alcohol. Now, your risk/reward matrix may be different. Maybe you don't particularly like alcohol or find it adds much. Maybe you have a family history of cancer or alcoholism. Maybe any increased risk of dementia isn't worth it to you. Makes perfect sense to me. But to claim that small amounts of alcohol cannot be a part of a healthy lifestyle is an overreaction given the magnitude of effects found in current research. |
Anonymous
Is English your 2nd language. |
Anonymous
Abuse victims need therapy and need to learn how to react normally to situations. Turning around and using your abuse as an excuse to abuse others is not blaming the victim it's holding them accountable for their own behaviors. |
Anonymous
Well, my life with two teens does work like that. One drives themself and the other needs rides at very predictable, scheduled times. When I enjoy a glass of wine, I’m either in for the night or I know I won’t have to go back out for a few hours. |
Anonymous
it is literally and scientifically okay to drive after a drink or two. SMFH |
Anonymous
It is[u] safe and legal to drive after a drink or two for most people, even without waiting. |
Anonymous
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Modeling for kids that you have it all under control and know just how much to drink before you can hop in your car in drive (said many a drunk driver, btw) is not how I parent.
Is your daily drink that important to you? (The answer is yes.) |
Anonymous
+1 |