Has anyone successfully convinced visiting family to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine telling your kids that they don’t know grandma and grandpa because the cost of having them in your lives would have been sharing a room or sleeping on an air mattress and you couldn’t possibly subject them to such horrors.

Or how about "you don't see G&G because they are too stubborn to head to a hotel at 8pm when the kids all go to bed and need a place to sleep. WE offered to pay for their rooms but they refuse and now wont visit at all"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a large house with room for everyone but my in-laws (MIL and SIL) would visit and expect to have the kids sleep with them in their bed, on school nights. It became a huge problem. My kids wouldn’t go to sleep on time, they would be in bed giggling and having fun an hour past bedtime, the kids exhausted in the morning, parents having to awkwardly try to get the kids out of the bed the next morning, etc. It was a disaster. The expectation from my in-laws was clearly that I just needed to chill and let it happen because they enjoyed the snuggles. I regret so much that I let it go on for so long without saying anything. It basically ruined our relationship. The resentment that grew after every visit finally took its toll and I finally set some boundaries. Sleepovers only on weekends, not on school nights. We also had to limit the length of visits because the disruption on our lives was too much.

You absolutely need to set boundaries. This is not an issue of respecting your elders. Kids thrive on routine and structure. Sleeping on a couch or floor on a school night is ridiculous. The grandparents shouldn’t expect to be catered to at the expense of the child’s well being. That is beyond selfish.

This is super sketchy I would be worried about CSA.

Agree. Must sleep in the same bed? All this snuggling going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fresh out of ideas.
I am very thankful for grandparents who want to come visit. We have 3 kids, no guestroom, and visits are always during the week. By the end of the fifth day, I am weeping of exhaustion.
We have offered to pay for a hotel just minutes away; they counter offer by saying they will treat to a futon. We have explicitly said that it’s hard for the kids to give up their bed on school nights; they say accommodating your grandparents is a time honored tradition (no argument there, I agree with teaching children to respect older family members). They will not do shorter trips nor stay in a hotel just minutes away…we were given the silent treatment as they were incredibly offended at the suggestion.

Has anyone been successful at this? Are my expectations wrong?

They have suggested the kids sleep on the sofa, share a bed with grandma, or we get trundles. I then feel guilty for not accommodating these requests.

It all feels so draining.

I can’t believe all the people here shocked that op is thinking to take them to a hotel.

Op, buy the hotel room. Don’t ask them. Just do it. Make sure it’s a hotel close to your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

OP, the bottom line is that you just don’t like them and they annoy the hell out of you. So whatever. This is tiresome.

No! The OP simply needs some routine in their family's life, and that includes everyone being able to actually sleep nightly. I cannot imagine going to someones home and blaring the TV until all hours, you watch on an ipad with earplugs or you get a hotel. You also dont get up and make noise at 5am (grandma) while waking everyone else up. If you cannot have some manners, you stay in a hotel. OP is in the right, expecting common courtesy from guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is generational.

As a child we shared rooms with siblings all the time! And elders took precedence so the idea of not wanting them in your home because your children are too precious to share a room does make me laugh.

But many of the older generation are aware that now elders are not seen as people to respect or treat well and kids should not in any way ever be expected to do anything for anyone else or do something as horrible as share a room or sleep on an air mattress so I am a but surprised that they are surprised. If you are online at all, you know that is the sentiment of current generatios.

It's very weird that you don't feel respected unless you are allowed to inconvenience others and deprive children of a good night's sleep.

This. OP ignore the people coming on here to guilt trip and say "in my day." Yes, they shared rooms and were inconvenienced for elders, and I remember the stories of resentment. Those were the days where instead of having boundaries women popped "mother's little helpers" or drank excessively to cope rather than saying "no." You set your boundary very respectfully and calmy letting them know you would love to see them, but this is what your family needs. You do not negotiate. They get to choose if they come or not. If they stop talking to you or threaten you, that is data. Love is not about manipulation, suffering, threats and guilt trips. Ignore those things. I know it's painful. I have been there. You stick to your boundary.

Now if it is truly easier over the summer and doesn't disrupt things, then sure offer to have them stay in your home during the summer when they visit, but hotel during school time. Don't offer it though if it's still a burden. I'm sure feathers are ruffled with the mention of burden and all the guilt-trippers will say "family is never a burden." Empathetic family members who think about the needs of others are not a burden. Entitled family members can absolutely be a burden. That's why you have to set the boundaries. They don't have boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

The thought of sleeping in my adult kid's bed and displacing them for my own comfort is revolting to me. Much prefer a hotel.

+1

If my kid has a guest room (and it's available) we will stay in it. If not, we will stay in a hotel and help everyone sleep well and not be a nuisance.

Oh, we will also help kids with a downpayment on their homes, so hopefully they will have an extra room for guests. But if not, we are not sleeping on an airmattress or kicking our kid/their SO or our grandkids out of their rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people that generation are really hurt by the idea of hotels. I don't relate as I always will take a hotel over inconveniencing someone, but I've slept on a couch rather than hurt dh's grandparents' feelings when visiting them, and I'm an adult. I think your kids are perfectly able to share a bedroom (assuming they either each have one or two for the three, you have the space!) for five days and be just fine. Buy an air mattress if the issue is beds per room or twin beds only. It's not a big deal.

It's during the school year during the week. You literally have no idea how her kids will be if they are not in their bedrooms. Some kids need their routine, and MOST kids need their sleep. I cannot imagine as a grandparent (or as an adult of any type) demanding I stay in someones home while inconveniencing a kid who needs their sleep)

[Anonymous]

Can't believe as an adult you can't tell your parents this ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

I'm a young boomer parent and just got back from a trip to the West Coast, where DH and I visited our son and daughter-in-law. They have an extra bedroom and we stayed in a hotel. That way we had our own space and we could all see each other frequently for fun things and good meals, but not be in each others' faces all the time.

[Anonymous]

I think it was common to stay because it's cheap. Nowadays people are expected to have more disposable income, including for hotel stays when you travel. Gone are the days when you went to someone's home to "visit", contributed nothing and expected meals and entertainment. I'm Gen X and completely don't get the "I have to stay in your house" mentality. It's uncomfortable and inconvenient. Why don't you offer to invite everyone to an Airbnb or some trip if you want "togetherness", instead of positioning yourself to inconvenience your adult kids and grandkids. Btw, I was once forced out of my bed as a child to host family friends for a week. My bed ended up contaminated with bedbugs. I have never asked my kids to offer their beds to anyone, nor do I offer my own bed. You want to visit, you don't get to dictate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

I'm a young boomer parent and just got back from a trip to the West Coast, where DH and I visited our son and daughter-in-law. They have an extra bedroom and we stayed in a hotel. That way we had our own space and we could all see each other frequently for fun things and good meals, but not be in each others' faces all the time.

+1 We do what our kids ask of us, when we visit. They both have guest rooms, so we typically stay in their homes. But prior to kids/marriage, we didn't sleep on their bed and make them sleep on the sofa---we stayed in a hotel nearby.

[Anonymous]

You could always do what my sister did: made us feel very unwelcome and put upon in her house. I'm not saying you're that mean, just that it was a terribly uncomfortable experience that led to never staying there again.

[Anonymous]

We used to live in a 800sf apt and after I gave birth to my second, I didn’t want MIL to come stay with us because we didn’t have space. She still insisted and stayed on our couch.

We now have a guest room and I have no excuses.

My single BIL has been successfully able to never host MIL stating space.

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is not just letting them stay in her kid’s room at their house, it’s that they are also bad, inflexible guests. Running the TV at all hours at a high volume when there are little kids trying to sleep? Or waking up at 5 and puttering around while, again, kids are trying to sleep? During the school/work week on top of that?? That’s just bad manners. If they were respectful of the kids schedule and quiet at night, and helpful with the kids when they visited - that would be another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was common to stay because it's cheap. Nowadays people are expected to have more disposable income, including for hotel stays when you travel. Gone are the days when you went to someone's home to "visit", contributed nothing and expected meals and entertainment. I'm Gen X and completely don't get the "I have to stay in your house" mentality. It's uncomfortable and inconvenient. Why don't you offer to invite everyone to an Airbnb or some trip if you want "togetherness", instead of positioning yourself to inconvenience your adult kids and grandkids. Btw, I was once forced out of my bed as a child to host family friends for a week. My bed ended up contaminated with bedbugs. I have never asked my kids to offer their beds to anyone, nor do I offer my own bed. You want to visit, you don't get to dictate.

One of the sacrifices of single income families… travel was modest.