Has anyone successfully convinced visiting family to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

I am fresh out of ideas.
I am very thankful for grandparents who want to come visit. We have 3 kids, no guestroom, and visits are always during the week. By the end of the fifth day, I am weeping of exhaustion.
We have offered to pay for a hotel just minutes away; they counter offer by saying they will treat to a futon. We have explicitly said that it’s hard for the kids to give up their bed on school nights; they say accommodating your grandparents is a time honored tradition (no argument there, I agree with teaching children to respect older family members). They will not do shorter trips nor stay in a hotel just minutes away…we were given the silent treatment as they were incredibly offended at the suggestion.

Has anyone been successful at this? Are my expectations wrong?

They have suggested the kids sleep on the sofa, share a bed with grandma, or we get trundles. I then feel guilty for not accommodating these requests.

It all feels so draining.

[Anonymous]

There is no convincing. They either stay in a hotel, or they don’t visit. They can complain all they want, but you have to do what is best for you and your kids.

We renovated our house to add a guest room in the basement, because we love all 3 sets of grandparents and want them to visit, but when the kids got close to school-age, it was too disruptive to have them on the floor on air mattresses or squished in bed between us etc.

You could offer some compromises - they can stay with you in the summer when kids are out of school. They can get connecting hotel rooms and the kids can stay there with them on the weekend. You can spend time together in another place - we spent a long weekend in Charlottesville with grandparents and got a big AirBnB, it was like a mini vacation for all of us and way more fun than being squished in our house! Or they can give you several hundred thousand dollars so you too can renovate/add on/buy a bigger house to accommodate their visits!

[Anonymous]

Seems like your kids are pretty spoiled. Our kids love it when grandparents visit. They give up their room and "slumber party" in the living room on the floor. It's like camping for them. They love having the grandparents visit and appreciate every second with them Oldest is now in high school and has no issue sacrificing sleeping arrangements for family. Who knows how much longer they'll be around, be grateful for every moment.

[Anonymous]

I think it is generational.

As a child we shared rooms with siblings all the time! And elders took precedence so the idea of not wanting them in your home because your children are too precious to share a room does make me laugh.

But many of the older generation are aware that now elders are not seen as people to respect or treat well and kids should not in any way ever be expected to do anything for anyone else or do something as horrible as share a room or sleep on an air mattress so I am a but surprised that they are surprised. If you are online at all, you know that is the sentiment of current generatios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like your kids are pretty spoiled. Our kids love it when grandparents visit. They give up their room and "slumber party" in the living room on the floor. It's like camping for them. They love having the grandparents visit and appreciate every second with them Oldest is now in high school and has no issue sacrificing sleeping arrangements for family. Who knows how much longer they'll be around, be grateful for every moment.

Did your THREE kids sleep on the livingroom floor for 5 school days, whereby they wouldn't sleep well, they'd talk into the night, etc? I'm not the OP but honestly, having to toss kids onto the floor for 5 nights AND it's a school night seems wrong. For a few days on the weekend when everyone can sleep in? Fine!

How about one parent and the 3 kids go to the hotel for the 5 nights? Since your kids are school-age, they should be able to sleep in a hotel. ONE time doing that (the kids would come back from school to their home, hang out with grandparents and do their homework (because they MUST do homework, and nowadays kids end up with hours of homework), eat dinner, then go to the hotel to sleep and leave from there the next morning to go directly to school. (So pack some easy to eat food for breakfast)

ONCE doing this and this would be cured.

My parents would stay at a close-by hotel and take my niece to the hotel for a "sleepover" with them and all 3 of them loved it! My sister's home was too small for comfort for my parents, no extra bedroom, etc. My niece did this from 3 to 8 years of age until my sister's family moved closer to our parents so my parents didn't need to stay anywhere to see the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I think a trundle is reasonable. But it's very unclear to me why visits are always during the week. What's wrong with weekends?

Are you exhausted because you aren't sleeping well, or is it the pressure of hosting?

If this is your in-laws, stop doing so much work and direct them to your husband for everything. He can deal with it. If it's your own parents, stop doing so much work. Drastically reduce the quality of your hosting.

I would say that the kids do respect their elders, but it is simply too crowded for you, so they must stay in a hotel. Then STOP CAVING. You have nothing to prove here and you don't owe it to them to send your children to school sleep deprived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is generational.

As a child we shared rooms with siblings all the time! And elders took precedence so the idea of not wanting them in your home because your children are too precious to share a room does make me laugh.

But many of the older generation are aware that now elders are not seen as people to respect or treat well and kids should not in any way ever be expected to do anything for anyone else or do something as horrible as share a room or sleep on an air mattress so I am a but surprised that they are surprised. If you are online at all, you know that is the sentiment of current generatios.

It's very weird that you don't feel respected unless you are allowed to inconvenience others and deprive children of a good night's sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like your kids are pretty spoiled. Our kids love it when grandparents visit. They give up their room and "slumber party" in the living room on the floor. It's like camping for them. They love having the grandparents visit and appreciate every second with them Oldest is now in high school and has no issue sacrificing sleeping arrangements for family. Who knows how much longer they'll be around, be grateful for every moment.

Did your THREE kids sleep on the livingroom floor for 5 school days, whereby they wouldn't sleep well, they'd talk into the night, etc? I'm not the OP but honestly, having to toss kids onto the floor for 5 nights AND it's a school night seems wrong. For a few days on the weekend when everyone can sleep in? Fine!

How about one parent and the 3 kids go to the hotel for the 5 nights? Since your kids are school-age, they should be able to sleep in a hotel. ONE time doing that (the kids would come back from school to their home, hang out with grandparents and do their homework (because they MUST do homework, and nowadays kids end up with hours of homework), eat dinner, then go to the hotel to sleep and leave from there the next morning to go directly to school. (So pack some easy to eat food for breakfast)

ONCE doing this and this would be cured.

My parents would stay at a close-by hotel and take my niece to the hotel for a "sleepover" with them and all 3 of them loved it! My sister's home was too small for comfort for my parents, no extra bedroom, etc. My niece did this from 3 to 8 years of age until my sister's family moved closer to our parents so my parents didn't need to stay anywhere to see the grandkids.

Genius!!

Or OP can get herself a hotel room and leave her DH to deal with this stupid, selfish power play.

[Anonymous]

I think they should stay in a hotel since you asked.

But how many bedrooms do you have?

You are doing your kids a dis service if you baby them so much that you don't have them share rooms when grown ups come into town. if you have a three or four bedroom house, grandparents should get one room and kids should share 1 to 2 rooms. Kids should be able to share rooms.

If you have two bedrooms and this means kids sleep in living room, well yeah, then grandparents need to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

OP stop letting your parents walk all over you! I just can not imagine dictating when I will be staying with them and then ignoring their objections. I can’t imagine putting my grandchildren out of their beds let alone for a full school week!

Honestly, it sounds like your parents nasty people and enjoy making others uncomfortable as a little power trip. Tell them no. Hotel or no visit. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

They’re not just “visiting family.” They’re your parents. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is generational.

As a child we shared rooms with siblings all the time! And elders took precedence so the idea of not wanting them in your home because your children are too precious to share a room does make me laugh.

But many of the older generation are aware that now elders are not seen as people to respect or treat well and kids should not in any way ever be expected to do anything for anyone else or do something as horrible as share a room or sleep on an air mattress so I am a but surprised that they are surprised. If you are online at all, you know that is the sentiment of current generatios.

+1

But also, if the grandparents are so flexible to a futon, why not put them on an air mattress in the living room? They’ll likely be up earlier so no one will be disturbing them in the am. They can make breakfast for everyone before the parents/kids head out.

[Anonymous]

We've never allowed parents to stay with us. We don't have the space and we told them so the one time it was suggested.

[Anonymous]

I guess I feel like you need a guest room. We made my oldest’s room into a “guest bedroom” with a queen bed. And then my son has two twins in his room and she stays there when we have company. I feel like you’re the one making it difficult since your set up isn’t great. I wouldn’t feel like I can ask grandparents to stay in a hotel.

Sounds like you have a 4 bedroom house.

This is like my friend who has a 5 bedroom home and complains that her husband works from home in her dining room. She refuses to redo the guest bedroom to accommodate a desk for him but whines nonstop about his mess.

[Anonymous]

They're being rude... and my husband and I are East Asian, with a ton of baggage when it comes to respect for one's parents and the elderly.

You need to tell them no more visits until they get the hotel. Since they pushed the "host us because we're your parents" thing, I wouldn't even offer to pay for it unless they're lower-income than you are.

We hosted my MIL a long time ago, and she was lovely and undemanding. It was a pleasure to wait on her. She doesn't visit anymore because of her age and declining health. But my parents, thank goodness, are very private people and decided by themselves to remove themselves to a hotel near our house whenever they visit. It's great - they get quiet time, and come over any time they want and hang out with us. I gladly cook for them while they relax. They pay for their own hotel because money is not a problem.