Has anyone successfully convinced visiting family to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 95% of the global population would be amazed at the lack of resilience here where the idea of the inconvenience of not having your own room for a night or two is such a major stressor that children and families would not be able to cope or function and people’s lives would be incredibly disrupted.

It’s not a night or two. It's five nights.

It's disruptive during the school and work week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And of how many prioritize a child having their own room every night over relationships with family. Most of the world would be shocked by that as well. That people do not have welcome or want family in their lives if it creates any inconvenience at all for them.

My parents don't need to sleep in my bed for us to have a relationship.

This thread wasn’t about sleeping in your bed. It was providing a bed - any bed- for older visiting adults. I am sure your relationship would be stronger if they were able to visit you at your home (assuming they aren’t local). Kids do t really get to know grandparents who live far away and aren’t allowed to visit in the home.

It's not an option for us. We have two bedrooms and two beds (one full, one twin). There aren't beds for anyone else.

But your idea that you don't get to know your grandparents unless they sleep in your home is bullshit. Our kids spend two weeks traveling with my in-laws most years, they spend at least a week camping with my parents every year. That's on top of shorter visits throughout the year. None of that would change if grandparents spent the night. My grandparents never slept in my house growing up, and we never slept at there house either (we usually traveled to them), but we were plenty close in a culture the values family a great deal. You're focused on the wrong things.

Your parents pay to get each child their own hotel room when you travel? And I don’t believe you about camping. Your kids can’t possibly sleep in their siblings room on an air mattress but they can sleep with multiple people in a tent? Surely you wouldn’t ever allow them to be treated so cruelly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a large house with room for everyone but my in-laws (MIL and SIL) would visit and expect to have the kids sleep with them in their bed, on school nights. It became a huge problem. My kids wouldn’t go to sleep on time, they would be in bed giggling and having fun an hour past bedtime, the kids exhausted in the morning, parents having to awkwardly try to get the kids out of the bed the next morning, etc. It was a disaster. The expectation from my in-laws was clearly that I just needed to chill and let it happen because they enjoyed the snuggles. I regret so much that I let it go on for so long without saying anything. It basically ruined our relationship. The resentment that grew after every visit finally took its toll and I finally set some boundaries. Sleepovers only on weekends, not on school nights. We also had to limit the length of visits because the disruption on our lives was too much.

You absolutely need to set boundaries. This is not an issue of respecting your elders. Kids thrive on routine and structure. Sleeping on a couch or floor on a school night is ridiculous. The grandparents shouldn’t expect to be catered to at the expense of the child’s well being. That is beyond selfish.

I agree with this one hundred percent. Grandma insisted she share a bed with our older kids. Everyone was then exhausted.

If I say that on this forum, everyone thinks I’m an awful person. For the record, I didn’t come from a cosleeping family nor did I ever share a bed with my grandparents. I sure as hell didn’t have a grandmother who begged me to sleep with her at night. I find it a little weird, but I’ll get flamed for saying that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

Ok so it’s not really about the sleeping arrangements. That’s a better explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

Yes, but I'm assuming the bedrooms are not part of the "super open floorplan." If you have a 4 bedroom house and two of your kids have to double up so grandma and grandpa can have their bedroom, I don't see this as a major hardship, even if it's on a school night. We have a bunkbed in one of my kid's rooms just for that reason, so that a sibling can go sleep there if we have a lot of guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

Ok so it’s not really about the sleeping arrangements. That’s a better explanation.

It sounds like this is on top of tscrewing up the kids sleeping arrangements during the school week. This also sounds like visitors that expect to be catered to while simultaneously taking over your house. We have some relatives that are this way. They expect you to be their dutiful servant while they commandeer your home. They do not get a second invite and when they try to invite themselves it’s a firm no.

[Anonymous]

I think the best you can do is insist that their visits are during the summer or school breaks (spring, winter), or occur mostly while the kids are off school for something like a long weekend like Thanksgiving or the days off at the end of January. That way you avoid the exhausting sleep disruptions of the kids still needing to maintain their school routines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

OP here. Fair question. Our home is a super open floorplan. Grandpa is a night owl and can’t fall asleep without the tv blaring. He likes to watch movies as he dozes off, and it is so absurdly loud. He also prefers not to be near stairs.
Grandma is an early bird, and starts bustling around in the wee hours of the morning. Now we have two adults in our living room making noise on different schedules.

Yes, hosting is tiring. Yes, the tv turned at max volume watching CSI whatever on an endless loop for hours adds to it. No, we don’t all have grandparents that actively help or watch the children. What else can I answer?

OP, the bottom line is that you just don’t like them and they annoy the hell out of you. So whatever. This is tiresome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

The thought of sleeping in my adult kid's bed and displacing them for my own comfort is revolting to me. Much prefer a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Most people that generation are really hurt by the idea of hotels. I don't relate as I always will take a hotel over inconveniencing someone, but I've slept on a couch rather than hurt dh's grandparents' feelings when visiting them, and I'm an adult. I think your kids are perfectly able to share a bedroom (assuming they either each have one or two for the three, you have the space!) for five days and be just fine. Buy an air mattress if the issue is beds per room or twin beds only. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Either you have a boundary on this or you don’t. Either this is not good for your family or it is. If it’s not good for your famliy, say so, and communicate the details of the visit. Why are you not being the decider? Because you’re the decider for your family or you’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

The thought of sleeping in my adult kid's bed and displacing them for my own comfort is revolting to me. Much prefer a hotel.

Ih am talking about your general attitude, moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they should stay in a hotel since you asked.

But how many bedrooms do you have?

You are doing your kids a dis service if you baby them so much that you don't have them share rooms when grown ups come into town. if you have a three or four bedroom house, grandparents should get one room and kids should share 1 to 2 rooms. Kids should be able to share rooms.

If you have two bedrooms and this means kids sleep in living room, well yeah, then grandparents need to stay in a hotel.

Well I have 2 kids, 3 bed home and the kids are B/G. The older is a boy and he sleeps like a tornado (at 12 still falls off the bed because he is spinning around the bed, ends up with feet on pillows many nights). So his younger sister hates to sleep with him, as it's a combat zone. So nope, I wouldn't put the kids in the same room/on the living room floor when they are in school (especially once MS/HS). I will happily pay for a hotel room for guests, but you don't disrupt our lives like that. If you love us, you will understand and not take it personally.

Is this OP? You could have the younger girl sleep in your bedroom. Boy gets own bedroom. Grandparents get own bedroom.

Nope, DP. ON the weekends, sure, but during the school week, not happening. Kids need their routine and places to sleep to be well rested for school. We happily pay for hotels when needed, it's not optional.