Has anyone successfully convinced visiting family to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with asking the grandparents to stay in a hotel and to really making the point as firmly as politely possible that it’s the only arrangement that can make sense.

What I can’t understand is why you’re all so damned nasty about your parents and the grandparents of your kids. There’s no winning with you people. The grandparents do too much. They don’t do enough. They’re too cheap. They’re too generous. They don’t show love. They’re too indulgent. Why won’t they do things our way???

The same tired refrains over and over. Then you complain how selfish the boomers are. But what you’re all really saying is “my way or the highway” which is the very definition of selfish.

Thank you for this comment.

I am not a grandparent. I am a DIL. I am shocked at the hatred towards grandparents, ILs, parents that I see on this forum. I am shocked at the entitlement.

I have hosted my ILs and my parents when they have visited us for many months from my country of origin. They have come to spend time with us, to help us when our children were little - and we have hosted them, taken them touring USA, paid for every thing and also cried when it was time for them to go back to their home.

When our elders visited us, we would give up the master bedroom for them. This was to show our respect to them and also to show our happiness. It was only later that they insisted to be in the guest room. I grew up with cousins, uncles and aunts visiting us and every one sharing rooms etc. It was so much fun.

I simply do not understand giving up your primary bedroom to others when you have a guest room (and really even if you don't). I'm an adult, my husband and I live in our home. We happily have a guest room for guests to use, and air mattresses. But I don't kick my kids out of their rooms unless it's the weekend or holidays (no school) and never for more than 3-4 days. The guests can adjust to the available sleeping arrangements or be happy in a hotel.

Don't bother. This person is not real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents here. One of our kids lives in a large house w guest quarters. They told us the only time they have together is after the kids are in bed and asked us to stay in a hotel. We took it upon ourselves to rent a car as well. They are crazy busy and I’m grateful they were honest.
A lot (most) of our friends do not realize the stress on young families and that it is not the same world we raised our kids in.
Talk to them. No one wants to stay where they’re not wanted. If they get angry, they’ll get over it.

You are a reasonable grandparent though. There quite a few who do not care one iota if they are being rude and causing stress. In OP’s situation, she has told them it’s doesn’t work during the school week and it’s hard on the kids sleep too. They don’t care.

[Anonymous]

We have a large house with room for everyone but my in-laws (MIL and SIL) would visit and expect to have the kids sleep with them in their bed, on school nights. It became a huge problem. My kids wouldn’t go to sleep on time, they would be in bed giggling and having fun an hour past bedtime, the kids exhausted in the morning, parents having to awkwardly try to get the kids out of the bed the next morning, etc. It was a disaster. The expectation from my in-laws was clearly that I just needed to chill and let it happen because they enjoyed the snuggles. I regret so much that I let it go on for so long without saying anything. It basically ruined our relationship. The resentment that grew after every visit finally took its toll and I finally set some boundaries. Sleepovers only on weekends, not on school nights. We also had to limit the length of visits because the disruption on our lives was too much.

You absolutely need to set boundaries. This is not an issue of respecting your elders. Kids thrive on routine and structure. Sleeping on a couch or floor on a school night is ridiculous. The grandparents shouldn’t expect to be catered to at the expense of the child’s well being. That is beyond selfish.

[Anonymous]

Can the OP come back and answer why the discussion is around kids losing their room? All the kids wouldn’t be displaced for 2 married grandparents. But more importantly- why aren’t the grandparents the ones that are sleeping in the living room? I know you mentioned a baby, but if you have other kids under say 7, it would best to them to stay in their own room. So if the grands have to stay - they stay in the living room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a large house with room for everyone but my in-laws (MIL and SIL) would visit and expect to have the kids sleep with them in their bed, on school nights. It became a huge problem. My kids wouldn’t go to sleep on time, they would be in bed giggling and having fun an hour past bedtime, the kids exhausted in the morning, parents having to awkwardly try to get the kids out of the bed the next morning, etc. It was a disaster. The expectation from my in-laws was clearly that I just needed to chill and let it happen because they enjoyed the snuggles. I regret so much that I let it go on for so long without saying anything. It basically ruined our relationship. The resentment that grew after every visit finally took its toll and I finally set some boundaries. Sleepovers only on weekends, not on school nights. We also had to limit the length of visits because the disruption on our lives was too much.

You absolutely need to set boundaries. This is not an issue of respecting your elders. Kids thrive on routine and structure. Sleeping on a couch or floor on a school night is ridiculous. The grandparents shouldn’t expect to be catered to at the expense of the child’s well being. That is beyond selfish.

This is super sketchy I would be worried about CSA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they should stay in a hotel since you asked.

But how many bedrooms do you have?

You are doing your kids a dis service if you baby them so much that you don't have them share rooms when grown ups come into town. if you have a three or four bedroom house, grandparents should get one room and kids should share 1 to 2 rooms. Kids should be able to share rooms.

If you have two bedrooms and this means kids sleep in living room, well yeah, then grandparents need to stay in a hotel.

Well I have 2 kids, 3 bed home and the kids are B/G. The older is a boy and he sleeps like a tornado (at 12 still falls off the bed because he is spinning around the bed, ends up with feet on pillows many nights). So his younger sister hates to sleep with him, as it's a combat zone. So nope, I wouldn't put the kids in the same room/on the living room floor when they are in school (especially once MS/HS). I will happily pay for a hotel room for guests, but you don't disrupt our lives like that. If you love us, you will understand and not take it personally.

Is this OP? You could have the younger girl sleep in your bedroom. Boy gets own bedroom. Grandparents get own bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I think 95% of the global population would be amazed at the lack of resilience here where the idea of the inconvenience of not having your own room for a night or two is such a major stressor that children and families would not be able to cope or function and people’s lives would be incredibly disrupted.

[Anonymous]

And of how many prioritize a child having their own room every night over relationships with family. Most of the world would be shocked by that as well. That people do not have welcome or want family in their lives if it creates any inconvenience at all for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 95% of the global population would be amazed at the lack of resilience here where the idea of the inconvenience of not having your own room for a night or two is such a major stressor that children and families would not be able to cope or function and people’s lives would be incredibly disrupted.

95% of the global population is raised to value family. But this site skews towards takers and if the gparents aren’t doing everything to help their fragile children, then the gparents can go eff themselves.

[Anonymous]

Imagine telling your kids that they don’t know grandma and grandpa because the cost of having them in your lives would have been sharing a room or sleeping on an air mattress and you couldn’t possibly subject them to such horrors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And of how many prioritize a child having their own room every night over relationships with family. Most of the world would be shocked by that as well. That people do not have welcome or want family in their lives if it creates any inconvenience at all for them.

My parents don't need to sleep in my bed for us to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 95% of the global population would be amazed at the lack of resilience here where the idea of the inconvenience of not having your own room for a night or two is such a major stressor that children and families would not be able to cope or function and people’s lives would be incredibly disrupted.

95% of the global population is raised to value family. But this site skews towards takers and if the gparents aren’t doing everything to help their fragile children, then the gparents can go eff themselves.

Yeah I read these posts and often wonder who are these people? They aren’t in my circle. Nor are the people backing them up! The privilege, lack of resilience, and self centeredness of some of these posters shocks me! There are whole social circles of people out there who sit around and talk with horrified tones about the time grandma wanted to visit but how that would have meant precious children needing to share a room and the absurdity of that request leading to shocked responses of others who also couldn’t fathom such a scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And of how many prioritize a child having their own room every night over relationships with family. Most of the world would be shocked by that as well. That people do not have welcome or want family in their lives if it creates any inconvenience at all for them.

My parents don't need to sleep in my bed for us to have a relationship.

This thread wasn’t about sleeping in your bed. It was providing a bed - any bed- for older visiting adults. I am sure your relationship would be stronger if they were able to visit you at your home (assuming they aren’t local). Kids do t really get to know grandparents who live far away and aren’t allowed to visit in the home.

[Anonymous]

Making kids sleep on the couch or the floor for 5 school nights is weird. And it’s very disruptive. Family that doesn’t want to be jerks would recognize that and act accordingly. The extended family should get a hotel on school nights and can inconvenience everyone on the weekends. This is at least a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And of how many prioritize a child having their own room every night over relationships with family. Most of the world would be shocked by that as well. That people do not have welcome or want family in their lives if it creates any inconvenience at all for them.

My parents don't need to sleep in my bed for us to have a relationship.

This thread wasn’t about sleeping in your bed. It was providing a bed - any bed- for older visiting adults. I am sure your relationship would be stronger if they were able to visit you at your home (assuming they aren’t local). Kids do t really get to know grandparents who live far away and aren’t allowed to visit in the home.

It's not an option for us. We have two bedrooms and two beds (one full, one twin). There aren't beds for anyone else.

But your idea that you don't get to know your grandparents unless they sleep in your home is bullshit. Our kids spend two weeks traveling with my in-laws most years, they spend at least a week camping with my parents every year. That's on top of shorter visits throughout the year. None of that would change if grandparents spent the night. My grandparents never slept in my house growing up, and we never slept at there house either (we usually traveled to them), but we were plenty close in a culture the values family a great deal. You're focused on the wrong things.