Tone deaf parents

[Anonymous]

I’m loving the unanimity - extremely rare on DCUM! - that OP’s criticism of her ILs is totally off base. OP, please take this feedback to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m loving the unanimity - extremely rare on DCUM! - that OP’s criticism of her ILs is totally off base. OP, please take this feedback to heart.

I think it shows that in the pecking order MILs come out just above SAHM. It was probably hard for people to pick a side between two openly reviled groups here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m loving the unanimity - extremely rare on DCUM! - that OP’s criticism of her ILs is totally off base. OP, please take this feedback to heart.

I think it shows that in the pecking order MILs come out just above SAHM. It was probably hard for people to pick a side between two openly reviled groups here.

Hmm. Nah. DCUM is usually against entitlement to other people’s money. There are a couple of exceptions but that’s definitely the baseline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m loving the unanimity - extremely rare on DCUM! - that OP’s criticism of her ILs is totally off base. OP, please take this feedback to heart.

I think it shows that in the pecking order MILs come out just above SAHM. It was probably hard for people to pick a side between two openly reviled groups here.

Hmm. Nah. DCUM is usually against entitlement to other people’s money. There are a couple of exceptions but that’s definitely the baseline.

Nah, it's not just money but also time. Boomers are selfish because they don't watch their grandkids for free. I'm not a boomer, but have boomer parents for whom the stereotype does not apply. But there isn't unanimity in that case against the people who want the free childcare.

[Anonymous]

OP get a job on the weekends. Your DH should look at warehouse work stocking. Costco, Sam’s, Amazon distribution.

You’ve got some brass cajones to even consider asking for hand out and when you won’t reach for a hand up.

Your BIL already told you to GTFO with your attitude. You knew what your ILs thought of you before you got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. they worked hard and deserve their lives. They are not traveling and posting to spite you. It’s ok for parents to expect their grown kids to support themselves.

I’m sorry for your difficulties. PP is right that both of you should be job hunting. And maybe you can consider a different area of the country.

I think OP is right. I think it's regrettable that the parents are vacationing when their children are having tough times. I would try to help my kids before spending on luxuries for myself.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t reaching out to emotionally support because they know all you really want is financial support. You can say “just an invite for a cup of coffee would be nice”, but your posts drip with contempt because they haven’t offered financial help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. they worked hard and deserve their lives. They are not traveling and posting to spite you. It’s ok for parents to expect their grown kids to support themselves.

I’m sorry for your difficulties. PP is right that both of you should be job hunting. And maybe you can consider a different area of the country.

I think OP is right. I think it's regrettable that the parents are vacationing when their children are having tough times. I would try to help my kids before spending on luxuries for myself.

This isn't an either/or. They have money for both. They are choosing not to help their son probably because they don't want to help people who can (but won't) help themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP. they worked hard and deserve their lives. They are not traveling and posting to spite you. It’s ok for parents to expect their grown kids to support themselves.

I’m sorry for your difficulties. PP is right that both of you should be job hunting. And maybe you can consider a different area of the country.

I think OP is right. I think it's regrettable that the parents are vacationing when their children are having tough times. I would try to help my kids before spending on luxuries for myself.

If my kids were doing what they could and still experiencing tough times, I’d help too. But they are not. OP is refusing to work.

I have a relative Like OP who always has their hand out to me and is always posting fund me money grabs. Trust me, if you give once, it never ends and you just encourage their dependency.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read everything, but as an immigrant from a former SU country who came here with 1 suitcase... I don't have empathy for you either. You have no idea what those people had to go through. Get out and work and do whatever you need to. No need to have 2 adults sitting at home and blaming ILs because they now dare to go on vacations. If necessary, start online school, if you're so uneducated. Never has it been so easy to upgrade one's skillset. DH can take on seasonal jobs as holidays are approaching.

[Anonymous]

DP. Actually the ones mentioning perhaps ILs are waiting for their son to divorce may be right too... my parents did this. Once brother divorced, they helped him get on his feet. SIL was also a SAHM with no skillset and no willingness to do anything about it. Ended up living in Section 8 with her kid from a previous relationship and never did go to work. My brother raised the child they had together to adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get a job. You can work in a restaurant during the day when your husband isn’t interviewing or nights and weekends. It’s been 8 months since your husband lost his job. If your savings are dwindling, get a job. You can cut back on therapies. Again, get a job.

Yep. Your unwillingness to dig in and do what your family needs is a failing of you, OP. Stop looking to your in-laws as your safety net. They are not willing. Time to hustle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you all do any of the therapies yourself since you have extra hands and time now?

Have your parents helped? I feel like the man’s parents just don’t help as much and will not step in the way the wife’s parents do.

It's only my Mom and my younger siblings who are working and going to school. They can babysit once in a while or listen but that's about it.

We've already cancelled OT and are doing it at home but DC needs speech, PT. We've cancelled our other DC's Cub Scouts and soccer because we are that stretched thin. He was so upset, it broke our hearts, he loves soccer. We have enough money for mortgage. gas, therapies. Most of our food comes from food banks. I also have a small vegetable garden.

I am crying. His parents can afford vacations, Broadway shows, regular friends outings at expensive restaurants, but it doesn't occur to them that maybe their children, let alone grandchildren, are struggling. That maybe more than a superficial text message would help. Maybe offer to pay for their grandchild's therapy, because yes, they can afford it. He is their blood.

I don't know where you're located, OP, but in our Northern Virginia suburb, our town sports leagues waive participation fees if you show need/ask. I guarantee you Scouts would do the same.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have literally been in bed crying all day because of a very similar situation. I feel so deeply for you. You’re not alone, at all.

My DH was also laid off earlier this year. We have an SN child who is in legit crisis right now. I do have a job, but I am struggling to keep the house afloat as it is.

Meanwhile, in laws just could not care less. Last time our child was in the hospital, they took off on vacation with their other adult children and were posting pictures of themselves from Broadway theaters. I legit considered never speaking to them again.

I am so very sorry you and your husband are hurting. It’s hard realizing the people closest to you take such a cold stance. I hope it gets better for you all soon.