How frequent is sex in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid-forties. Married almost 20 years. Maybe 2-3x/wk. We take a sex-cation once or twice a year and plan them with a couple of “friends.”
We both work non-traditional schedules and have sex days when the kids are at school. That happens once every month or two.

Having sex while the kids are at school (1x per month) has provided some regularity. But with our work schedules, they tend to be a bit rushed.

What are sex-cations with “friends?”

Friends that we only see when we take adult vacations together.

Like swapping vacations?

[Anonymous]

39 and 44, married for 12 years. Average about 3x a week. DH works from home and my work schedule means we get plenty of time without DS in the house.

Vacations or nights away when it's just the two of us, at least once a day, sometimes twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outside of counseling, what has help to increase frequency?

Getting rid of your huge beer gut and actually taking an interest in your wife as a person.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50, he's 57, probably been more than a year without. I'm the lady in a hetero relationship but I'm not going to ask anymore. It is kind of depressing but I also can take care of business on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50, he's 57, probably been more than a year without. I'm the lady in a hetero relationship but I'm not going to ask anymore. It is kind of depressing but I also can take care of business on my own.

+1
56 and 55 and it’s been well over two years now and I’m done bringing it up and asking. Just figured we’re over in that regard. Never thought that would be it so early but here we are. Can’t force him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50, he's 57, probably been more than a year without. I'm the lady in a hetero relationship but I'm not going to ask anymore. It is kind of depressing but I also can take care of business on my own.

+1
56 and 55 and it’s been well over two years now and I’m done bringing it up and asking. Just figured we’re over in that regard. Never thought that would be it so early but here we are. Can’t force him.

I'm the PP you quoted. I think mine has medical issues but he won't talk about it or get it addressed. We do snuggle at night but that's it, or quick kiss in the morning/before bed. It's like a 70s sitcom. Otherwise, an amazing marriage and partnership - like I'm not leaving or stepping out, but I have found some websites and take it from there.

[Anonymous]

Adding that we were just in a hotel room the night before picking the kids up from camp and it was cold as ice in there. I thought I could initiate but you know what? So could he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of counseling, what has help to increase frequency?

Not being fat and no hair below your eyebrows.

My partner asked me to grow a beard, which I have learned to use...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

[Anonymous]

Mid 40s and once a week some times twice. We did take a no kid vacation to a Caribbean resort last winter and it was a sexathon with twice a day - late afternoon post beach time and then late evening. It was a nice vacation!🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of counseling, what has help to increase frequency?

Not being fat and no hair below your eyebrows.

My partner asked me to grow a beard, which I have learned to use...

He sounds gay. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside of counseling, what has help to increase frequency?

Not being fat and no hair below your eyebrows.

Why are children attractive to you? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

How do I know that a man wrote this? This isn’t how women think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid-forties. Married almost 20 years. Maybe 2-3x/wk. We take a sex-cation once or twice a year and plan them with a couple of “friends.”
We both work non-traditional schedules and have sex days when the kids are at school. That happens once every month or two.

Having sex while the kids are at school (1x per month) has provided some regularity. But with our work schedules, they tend to be a bit rushed.

What are sex-cations with “friends?”

Friends that we only see when we take adult vacations together.

Like swapping vacations?

No.
Why is everyone on here obsessed with cheating?