How frequent is sex in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds like a very smart and empathetic person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds like a very smart and empathetic person.

He is. And good in bed too! Sometimes I’m shocked my 25 year old self made such a good decision to date him.

[Anonymous]

In my 40s, my spouse seems to have low drive as work gets more demanding. Has ED issues. Don't think he is cheating but it is not a priority for him. Only 2-3 times a month, and wish it was that often a week.

Seriously considering separation as there are other issues and I have a much higher sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it me, or does it feel like women track the frequency more than men? Your typical woman can tell you exactly how many times she had sex in the past year with an exact number.

My husband knows it's been 10 days. He started tracking after I hit menopause. Never once has he asked me why we have sex only three or four times a month.

he knows why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 40s, my spouse seems to have low drive as work gets more demanding. Has ED issues. Don't think he is cheating but it is not a priority for him. Only 2-3 times a month, and wish it was that often a week.

Seriously considering separation as there are other issues and I have a much higher sex drive.

I have always said if you are a man in your 40s and start having ED issues and your wife is fine with high sex drive you are in big trouble. She won't directly tell you sex is the reason she is filing for divorce, but sex will be the main reason. Sex for women is extremely important especially once they reach their 40s. I'll say it's everything for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 40s, my spouse seems to have low drive as work gets more demanding. Has ED issues. Don't think he is cheating but it is not a priority for him. Only 2-3 times a month, and wish it was that often a week.

Seriously considering separation as there are other issues and I have a much higher sex drive.

I have always said if you are a man in your 40s and start having ED issues and your wife is fine with high sex drive you are in big trouble. She won't directly tell you sex is the reason she is filing for divorce, but sex will be the main reason. Sex for women is extremely important especially once they reach their 40s. I'll say it's everything for them.

Yes, this is true. I would add, though, most women would be sensitive and understanding of a DH who addressed the problem. It’s the “since I’m fine with the situation you must be fine too” attitude that is the issue.

Not only do I want more sex, but I want to fell wanted, pursued, like he can’t keep his hands off me. Instead I feel like I’m nagging DH for sex, and doing all the work. My situation is not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is comical. In the real world, dead bedroom marriages are 90% because the woman has lost her sexual drive. The reasons are varied and this is not a “blame” issue. But it is clear that these woman are choosing not to participate in this thread, so we get a bunch of outlier posts about women in their 40s/50s who want sex but their husbands won’t put out.

This. 1000%
It's comical that you don't want to explore the reasons why the sex drive is gone. Miraculously, many women get it back following divorce. Women don't want toddler husbands. They've gone through pregnancies, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause. Majority work ft jobs and do eveyrhing else with kids and at home. All without supportive partners. THAT is why sex drive disappears.

Sex drive disappears because of familiarity, hormones, and age. It re-appears after divorce because of novelty - not because their post-divorce hookups are with supportive partners. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is comical. In the real world, dead bedroom marriages are 90% because the woman has lost her sexual drive. The reasons are varied and this is not a “blame” issue. But it is clear that these woman are choosing not to participate in this thread, so we get a bunch of outlier posts about women in their 40s/50s who want sex but their husbands won’t put out.

This. 1000%
It's comical that you don't want to explore the reasons why the sex drive is gone. Miraculously, many women get it back following divorce. Women don't want toddler husbands. They've gone through pregnancies, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause. Majority work ft jobs and do eveyrhing else with kids and at home. All without supportive partners. THAT is why sex drive disappears.

Sex drive disappears because of familiarity, hormones, and age. It re-appears after divorce because of novelty - not because their post-divorce hookups are with supportive partners. That's ridiculous.

This. 1000%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 40s, my spouse seems to have low drive as work gets more demanding. Has ED issues. Don't think he is cheating but it is not a priority for him. Only 2-3 times a month, and wish it was that often a week.

Seriously considering separation as there are other issues and I have a much higher sex drive.

I have always said if you are a man in your 40s and start having ED issues and your wife is fine with high sex drive you are in big trouble. She won't directly tell you sex is the reason she is filing for divorce, but sex will be the main reason. Sex for women is extremely important especially once they reach their 40s. I'll say it's everything for them.

Yes, this is true. I would add, though, most women would be sensitive and understanding of a DH who addressed the problem. It’s the “since I’m fine with the situation you must be fine too” attitude that is the issue.

Not only do I want more sex, but I want to fell wanted, pursued, like he can’t keep his hands off me. Instead I feel like I’m nagging DH for sex, and doing all the work. My situation is not sustainable.

I do not believe this woman exists?

[Anonymous]

2-3x a week. Mid 40's, married 20 years. Two teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds like a very smart and empathetic person.

Husband here. So a husband has to just give his wife an hour break from parenting 2-3 times a week and that makes him wonderful? Take over parenting because he wants sex? And this is wonderful? Shouldn’t he be doing that anyway?
I bend over backwards to make my wife comfortable including parenting (which is my job) and all she does is complain.

And no I don’t expect my wife to be turned on when I grope her in bed after ignoring her and being on my phone all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds like a very smart and empathetic person.

Husband here. So a husband has to just give his wife an hour break from parenting 2-3 times a week and that makes him wonderful? Take over parenting because he wants sex? And this is wonderful? Shouldn’t he be doing that anyway?
I bend over backwards to make my wife comfortable including parenting (which is my job) and all she does is complain.

And no I don’t expect my wife to be turned on when I grope her in bed after ignoring her and being on my phone all day

Well, one thing I see in your post that I don't see in pps is the sheer amount of contempt dripping from your words. So I'd wager that pps husband doesnt resent and hold such contempt for her, it's easier for her to feel sexy and wanted by someone who loves and respects her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4 times a week, 40, 2 young kids.

2 is when one or both isn’t sleeping through the night or a fever/virus is going through the house.

When the kids are away, we revert to 2-3 times a day, but after a few days of that go back to once a day.

But w managing kids and work, I’m too tired for sex everyday.

Early on after our first kid, we realized I need to be calm/relaxed to want sex, and husband uses sex to calm himself/relax. So he started taking over parenting after dinner so I’d have an hour or so to unwind, and boom, I was suddenly much more into sex after kids fell asleep. We don’t do this every night, but if it’s busy and we haven’t had sex in a few days, he’ll usually ask if I want a kid break, and I’ll do yoga, shower, etc. Really helps bc some nights I’m so touched out w two toddlers.

Your DH sounds like a very smart and empathetic person.

Husband here. So a husband has to just give his wife an hour break from parenting 2-3 times a week and that makes him wonderful? Take over parenting because he wants sex? And this is wonderful? Shouldn’t he be doing that anyway?
I bend over backwards to make my wife comfortable including parenting (which is my job) and all she does is complain.

And no I don’t expect my wife to be turned on when I grope her in bed after ignoring her and being on my phone all day

Well, one thing I see in your post that I don't see in pps is the sheer amount of contempt dripping from your words. So I'd wager that pps husband doesnt resent and hold such contempt for her, it's easier for her to feel sexy and wanted by someone who loves and respects her.

Lol. Off course he doesn’t have contempt for her…. He does an hour of parenting couple times a week and she considers that wonderful and has sex with him. Lmao