How frequent is sex in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

How do I know that a man wrote this? This isn’t how women think.

It might not be how they think but it's definitely how they act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

Looks like your libido went up after your divorce. Good for you.

As they typically do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

How do I know that a man wrote this? This isn’t how women think.

Where did they claim to be a woman? Btw, it seems mostly accurate.

[Anonymous]

49 DH, 53 DW

over 2 years ago

I am the 49 DH, I masturbate 2-3 times a week. I am just not interested in sex with the wife anymore. I care for her but I am not attracted to her. I would say we are both in decent shape I would call us 6's or 7's in the single dating world...my preference in type of women has changed as I have aged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

How do I know that a man wrote this? This isn’t how women think.

Where did they claim to be a woman? Btw, it seems mostly accurate.

I think the post was accurate too. (Woman here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:49 DH, 53 DW

over 2 years ago

I am the 49 DH, I masturbate 2-3 times a week. I am just not interested in sex with the wife anymore. I care for her but I am not attracted to her. I would say we are both in decent shape I would call us 6's or 7's in the single dating world...my preference in type of women has changed as I have aged.

Say more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

Looks like your libido went up after your divorce. Good for you.

As they typically do.

One of our family friends went through a divorce about 9 months ago. Her libido, fitness level, sense of style and boob size all increased drammatically. She’s mid 40’s, looks really hot and is having a lot of fun on the dating market.

I’m sure her ex is kicking himself. However, I bet that if she were that hot when they were married they would have never gotten divorced.

If wives did for their husbands what they’ll do for random guys there’d be a lot lower divorce rate. I guess the same can be said about guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

Looks like your libido went up after your divorce. Good for you.

As they typically do.

One of our family friends went through a divorce about 9 months ago. Her libido, fitness level, sense of style and boob size all increased drammatically. She’s mid 40’s, looks really hot and is having a lot of fun on the dating market.

I’m sure her ex is kicking himself. However, I bet that if she were that hot when they were married they would have never gotten divorced.

If wives did for their husbands what they’ll do for random guys there’d be a lot lower divorce rate. I guess the same can be said about guys.

Now this is a guy. No, I don’t think the wife’s hotness would affect the deterioration of a marriage. Look at Hollywood, lots of marriages can’t last, even with beauty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

Looks like your libido went up after your divorce. Good for you.

As they typically do.

One of our family friends went through a divorce about 9 months ago. Her libido, fitness level, sense of style and boob size all increased drammatically. She’s mid 40’s, looks really hot and is having a lot of fun on the dating market.

I’m sure her ex is kicking himself. However, I bet that if she were that hot when they were married they would have never gotten divorced.

If wives did for their husbands what they’ll do for random guys there’d be a lot lower divorce rate. I guess the same can be said about guys.

Now this is a guy. No, I don’t think the wife’s hotness would affect the deterioration of a marriage. Look at Hollywood, lots of marriages can’t last, even with beauty.

Hollywood and celebrity life isn’t reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

Looks like your libido went up after your divorce. Good for you.

As they typically do.

One of our family friends went through a divorce about 9 months ago. Her libido, fitness level, sense of style and boob size all increased drammatically. She’s mid 40’s, looks really hot and is having a lot of fun on the dating market.

I’m sure her ex is kicking himself. However, I bet that if she were that hot when they were married they would have never gotten divorced.

If wives did for their husbands what they’ll do for random guys there’d be a lot lower divorce rate. I guess the same can be said about guys.

Now this is a guy. No, I don’t think the wife’s hotness would affect the deterioration of a marriage. Look at Hollywood, lots of marriages can’t last, even with beauty.

Hollywood and celebrity life isn’t reality.

Right and in real life looks matter even less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

+1 I get this and have thought it many times. In fact, I think I’ve written it here before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:49 DH, 53 DW

over 2 years ago

I am the 49 DH, I masturbate 2-3 times a week. I am just not interested in sex with the wife anymore. I care for her but I am not attracted to her. I would say we are both in decent shape I would call us 6's or 7's in the single dating world...my preference in type of women has changed as I have aged.

Your situation is my worst fear. I am a DW who wants way more sex than DH (both 50s). It has not always been like this, we used to be much more well matched. I had assumed his drive just went down, but now I’m wondering if it’s me… if that’s the case, like your wife, my looks haven’t changed majorly… why did you just lose interest?

I am just very sad about the whole situation trying to think of things I can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

How do I know that a man wrote this? This isn’t how women think.

It might not be how they think but it's definitely how they act.

Nothing on your list was an action. These are all thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Does oral sex count because we have that more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

I know this is hard on men, but I think it must be noted that many hetero women need a man who actively desires them, who can bring out their sexual side. Men have the (yes big and often burdensome) job of lighting the fire… but if you do, then the woman will respond and burn as much as you want her to. It’s a tale as old as time that once a woman is divorced she has a sexual awakening. This is because her DH let it go dormant. He was sleeping on their relationship, so her sexual self was sleeping too.

I think this is misplacing blame on the husband for things that are actually pretty common for women:

1. How they feel about themselves determines whether or not they feel sexual. The post baby body can put a cloud over that feeling of sexy-ness. DH’s compliments can only do so much.

2. Sex needs to be exciting and its hard to make it that way over the long term - especially with a partner that you chose because they’d make a good husband and father. Bad boys don’t make good husbands - they just make exciting sex.

3. Day to day life with someone wears away the sexy no matter how good of a person they are.

4. Last, its easy to be “over” sex when its not the best you’ve had. When it comes to the bedroom, the dh will never be the high chemistry, dominant guy with a huge D who breaks your bed f’ng you. It was fun dating that guy but he was a trainwreck.

You had me until your 4th point, which has nothing to do with it. First, 99% of women couldn’t pull that guy or never dated them. Second, if they did its doubtful they enjoyed it.