Husband told me I don't have enough friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will definitely want to have mom friends when you have kids. But they will be people with same-age kids who live near to you, not wives of his work friends.

This is not true for everyone at all. I was not interested in fake friendships because of kids. I worked then and still and my free time is for kids…not sharing my time with other random people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

1) I agree with your husband. Stop playing the martyr introvert card.

2) The word is anyway, not anyways.

I'm not obligated to spend time with anyone I don't want to (outside of work, that is).

No one is obligated to do anything, but that's kind of a gross attitude to take.

You can socialize with these women in small increments. You're not obligated to do it, sure, but part of being a good spouse is doing things that make your spouse happy, and it seems like it would make your spouse happy. I'm sure he has skipped out on things that he would like to do to make your hermit ass happy, you can do things you don't want to do to make him happy. Again, I say this as the introvert in my relationship, though you sound more introverted than me even.

Not OP but it is not a gross attitude/ fellow introvert is sick of an extrovert oriented world telling us what our preferences should be.

OP: ignore these posters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not crazy. Some people are introverts. Some are not. You don’t “need” more friends. This is a “him” problem (not a “you” problem).

Notice his concern isn't her not having enough friends for emotonal support, or not spending enough time with her own friends. Its her not wanting to "make friends" (like a two year old) with the women he wants her to be friends with at the times it is convenient for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound more like a b*t*h than an introvert.

This. I was mostly on her side at first bc I'm an introvert myself but omfg every response she has some curt reply. "I'm not obligated to do that." "They don't wanna hang out with me either." Good lord.

She sounds depressed.

No, she sounds like an introvert who does not want to spend valuable time doing things she does not enjoy. Some people prefer a few close friends and that is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not crazy. Some people are introverts. Some are not. You don’t “need” more friends. This is a “him” problem (not a “you” problem).

Notice his concern isn't her not having enough friends for emotonal support, or not spending enough time with her own friends. Its her not wanting to "make friends" (like a two year old) with the women he wants her to be friends with at the times it is convenient for him.

I said I think they are both wrong. He expects too much of her but she will not even attempt to meet him halfway.