Husband told me I don't have enough friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

1) I agree with your husband. Stop playing the martyr introvert card.

2) The word is anyway, not anyways.

I'm not obligated to spend time with anyone I don't want to (outside of work, that is).

No one is obligated to do anything, but that's kind of a gross attitude to take.

You can socialize with these women in small increments. You're not obligated to do it, sure, but part of being a good spouse is doing things that make your spouse happy, and it seems like it would make your spouse happy. I'm sure he has skipped out on things that he would like to do to make your hermit ass happy, you can do things you don't want to do to make him happy. Again, I say this as the introvert in my relationship, though you sound more introverted than me even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you have kids. You'll be writing on here that you have no mom friends. Wonder why?

So what if it's a few hours with the other guy's wife? Shorten it if you like, by saying you need a nap or whatever. She probably isn't that excited to meet you either. You'll make it work.

That's what I told my husband: these other people probably have no desire to be around me either, so why don't the guys just do their own thing.

I can't see myself wanting mom friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are crazy, per se, but he seems to lack empathy/the ability to put himself in your shoes and you're a bit of a wet blanket. And I say this as an introvert.

I don't like all of my boyfriend's friends' wives/girlfriends either, but I can make conversation with them for two hours over dinner. We recently went on a trip with two of his friends and their girlfriends' who live in another city. So, the other two girlfriends are already good friends who see each other several times a week. That was a little hard to break into but I made an effort and didn't complain. Definitely preferred to be around my boyfriend, since I knew him best, but I made the effort.

You don't have to become best friends with any of these women, but I think part of being a good partner is making an effort to get along with their friends. (Provided, you know, they aren't bad people who influence your husband to do bad things.) A weekend trip is usually like, 36-48 hours when you account for travel time. Then you add in meals as a foursome, alone time in the afternoon...you would literally only have to hang out with this woman alone for a few hours Saturday afternoon. You can't do that?

I'm assuming given the demographics of this board you are at least in your early to mid-30s and you're still complaining about not liking other women because they were mean to you in high school? A time when everyone is notoriously mean to each other? Give me a break.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, your husband is a d-i-c-k. "You're going to wish you had more friends when we have kids and no one will help you?" Wtf is that supposed to mean? Dude, you're her husband, YOU are supposed to help her.

Tell me you're unmarried and without children, without telling me you're unmarried and without children.

I wrote that post and yes, I am unmarried without children. I understand that having mom friends is important. I still don't like the way he phrased that.

[Anonymous]

OP, after reading your replies, I think you're kind of an a-hole and the reason you don't want to socialize with these women is because you think you're better than them. Definitely giving off strong "I just don't get along with other women" vibes here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are crazy, per se, but he seems to lack empathy/the ability to put himself in your shoes and you're a bit of a wet blanket. And I say this as an introvert.

I don't like all of my boyfriend's friends' wives/girlfriends either, but I can make conversation with them for two hours over dinner. We recently went on a trip with two of his friends and their girlfriends' who live in another city. So, the other two girlfriends are already good friends who see each other several times a week. That was a little hard to break into but I made an effort and didn't complain. Definitely preferred to be around my boyfriend, since I knew him best, but I made the effort.

You don't have to become best friends with any of these women, but I think part of being a good partner is making an effort to get along with their friends. (Provided, you know, they aren't bad people who influence your husband to do bad things.) A weekend trip is usually like, 36-48 hours when you account for travel time. Then you add in meals as a foursome, alone time in the afternoon...you would literally only have to hang out with this woman alone for a few hours Saturday afternoon. You can't do that?

I'm assuming given the demographics of this board you are at least in your early to mid-30s and you're still complaining about not liking other women because they were mean to you in high school? A time when everyone is notoriously mean to each other? Give me a break.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, your husband is a d-i-c-k. "You're going to wish you had more friends when we have kids and no one will help you?" Wtf is that supposed to mean? Dude, you're her husband, YOU are supposed to help her.

Tell me you're unmarried and without children, without telling me you're unmarried and without children.

I wrote that post and yes, I am unmarried without children. I understand that having mom friends is important. I still don't like the way he phrased that.

Again, tell me you're not married without telling me you're not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you have kids. You'll be writing on here that you have no mom friends. Wonder why?

So what if it's a few hours with the other guy's wife? Shorten it if you like, by saying you need a nap or whatever. She probably isn't that excited to meet you either. You'll make it work.

That's what I told my husband: these other people probably have no desire to be around me either, so why don't the guys just do their own thing.

I can't see myself wanting mom friends.

BECAUSE THEY ARE DOING IT TO MAKE THEIR HUSBAND HAPPY. They don't care about you, but their husband wants to hang out with your husband, and instead of just throwing their hands up and saying "No can do, I wanna sit in the dark and eat saltines all weekend" they're like, "Sure, I can make that work."

[Anonymous]

You sound more like a b*t*h than an introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound more like a b*t*h than an introvert.

This. I was mostly on her side at first bc I'm an introvert myself but omfg every response she has some curt reply. "I'm not obligated to do that." "They don't wanna hang out with me either." Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, after reading your replies, I think you're kind of an a-hole and the reason you don't want to socialize with these women is because you think you're better than them. Definitely giving off strong "I just don't get along with other women" vibes here.

Not at all - many of them are very successful and attractive. I have female friends I've had for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after reading your replies, I think you're kind of an a-hole and the reason you don't want to socialize with these women is because you think you're better than them. Definitely giving off strong "I just don't get along with other women" vibes here.

Not at all - many of them are very successful and attractive. I have female friends I've had for many years.

Okay. So you are capable of talking to/hanging out with people in small increments, as evidenced by the fact that you have friends of your own, and yet you refuse to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you have kids. You'll be writing on here that you have no mom friends. Wonder why?

So what if it's a few hours with the other guy's wife? Shorten it if you like, by saying you need a nap or whatever. She probably isn't that excited to meet you either. You'll make it work.

That's what I told my husband: these other people probably have no desire to be around me either, so why don't the guys just do their own thing.

I can't see myself wanting mom friends.

BECAUSE THEY ARE DOING IT TO MAKE THEIR HUSBAND HAPPY. They don't care about you, but their husband wants to hang out with your husband, and instead of just throwing their hands up and saying "No can do, I wanna sit in the dark and eat saltines all weekend" they're like, "Sure, I can make that work."

I think it would be different if I was saying my husband couldn't go to these events, but I have no issue with him going on a weekend trip with friends! I just don't want to go. I don't know why I am needed there.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ha! If the grandparents don't help you with kids, nobody else will. Your DH is delulu.

Also, why don't you arrange for similar expeditions with your friend and their spouse for DH to participate in? If you have to play nice with the wife of your husband's friend, he also have to do with your friends. Take him along for thrifting and clothes shopping.

Though, I have to say (being an introvert myself), part of adulting is the ability to spend social time with people you may not know very well. Google what you can do at the new place that you may like? Shopping, going to a museum or historic place, going for spa treatments...I mean there are a bunch of things you can do with someone else. If the wife is not interested in doing these things - you should then go solo.

[Anonymous]

This is a you problem OP. Stop the damn whining your husband won’t want to stay married with you acting like this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you have kids. You'll be writing on here that you have no mom friends. Wonder why?

So what if it's a few hours with the other guy's wife? Shorten it if you like, by saying you need a nap or whatever. She probably isn't that excited to meet you either. You'll make it work.

That's what I told my husband: these other people probably have no desire to be around me either, so why don't the guys just do their own thing.

I can't see myself wanting mom friends.

BECAUSE THEY ARE DOING IT TO MAKE THEIR HUSBAND HAPPY. They don't care about you, but their husband wants to hang out with your husband, and instead of just throwing their hands up and saying "No can do, I wanna sit in the dark and eat saltines all weekend" they're like, "Sure, I can make that work."

I think it would be different if I was saying my husband couldn't go to these events, but I have no issue with him going on a weekend trip with friends! I just don't want to go. I don't know why I am needed there.

Because he wants to include you in something? Good God woman, you are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha ha! If the grandparents don't help you with kids, nobody else will. Your DH is delulu.

Also, why don't you arrange for similar expeditions with your friend and their spouse for DH to participate in? If you have to play nice with the wife of your husband's friend, he also have to do with your friends. Take him along for thrifting and clothes shopping.

Though, I have to say (being an introvert myself), part of adulting is the ability to spend social time with people you may not know very well. Google what you can do at the new place that you may like? Shopping, going to a museum or historic place, going for spa treatments...I mean there are a bunch of things you can do with someone else. If the wife is not interested in doing these things - you should then go solo.

I agree as a fellow introvert, but given OP's replies and shitty attitude I don't think she's mastered "adulting."