Husband told me I don't have enough friends.

[Anonymous]

I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

[Anonymous]

How did he not know prior to your marriage that you are an introvert? How did you not know prior to marriage that he is very social?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did he not know prior to your marriage that you are an introvert? How did you not know prior to marriage that he is very social?

He did. This has become more of an issue now that his friends are getting married.

[Anonymous]

What would have happened when you were dating? You’ve only been married 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

1) I agree with your husband. Stop playing the martyr introvert card.

2) The word is anyway, not anyways.

[Anonymous]

This is a very typical DCUM sort of comment, because it’s not really constructive. But I will say that my ILs have this exact dynamic in their marriage (with my FIL being the introvert) and I will tell you that it has been a soul crushing existence for the extrovert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

1) I agree with your husband. Stop playing the martyr introvert card.

2) The word is anyway, not anyways.

I'm not obligated to spend time with anyone I don't want to (outside of work, that is).

[Anonymous]

Hanging out with other couples is a common part of marriage. And yes, it is immensely helpful to be socializing with other moms when you have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a selfish doofus. Nobody wants a random weekend alone with someone they don't know well.

I think you could make more of an effort with his friends' wives in small time increments though.

[Anonymous]

I don't think either of you are crazy, per se, but he seems to lack empathy/the ability to put himself in your shoes and you're a bit of a wet blanket. And I say this as an introvert.

I don't like all of my boyfriend's friends' wives/girlfriends either, but I can make conversation with them for two hours over dinner. We recently went on a trip with two of his friends and their girlfriends' who live in another city. So, the other two girlfriends are already good friends who see each other several times a week. That was a little hard to break into but I made an effort and didn't complain. Definitely preferred to be around my boyfriend, since I knew him best, but I made the effort.

You don't have to become best friends with any of these women, but I think part of being a good partner is making an effort to get along with their friends. (Provided, you know, they aren't bad people who influence your husband to do bad things.) A weekend trip is usually like, 36-48 hours when you account for travel time. Then you add in meals as a foursome, alone time in the afternoon...you would literally only have to hang out with this woman alone for a few hours Saturday afternoon. You can't do that?

I'm assuming given the demographics of this board you are at least in your early to mid-30s and you're still complaining about not liking other women because they were mean to you in high school? A time when everyone is notoriously mean to each other? Give me a break.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, your husband is a d-i-c-k. "You're going to wish you had more friends when we have kids and no one will help you?" Wtf is that supposed to mean? Dude, you're her husband, YOU are supposed to help her.

[Anonymous]

You will definitely want to have mom friends when you have kids. But they will be people with same-age kids who live near to you, not wives of his work friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married four years. I have always been introverted and reserved; my husband is extroverted and has a wide circle of friends from work, college, etc. I have a small circle of close friends that I've maintained for years (one of my best friends is someone I have known since elementary school).

Lately, many of my husband's friends have gotten married or entered into serious relationships and want to get together as couples. My husband and I have argued in the past about the fact that I don't really enjoy these gatherings: typically, my husband and the friend will talk about work or whatever their shared interest is and I'm left to make awkward small talk with the wife/partner for hours. I don't have anything against these women, but I find this really draining and haven't met anyone I see myself really becoming friends with. My husband's attitude is "I'm friends with Larlo, why can't you just make friends with Larla." I have told my husband I have zero issue with him going out and getting together with his friends without me, but he wants to drag me along.

Anyways, this came to a head last week when my husband proposed a weekend trip with another couple. The trip would center around a hobby my husband and his friend share, but is at a place I'd enjoy too. When I asked more about the trip, it's clear he envisions going off doing the 'hobby' with the friend while I hang out with the wife all day. I told him I did not know this woman well and maybe this would be better as a 'boys' trip'. My husband then blew up at me, saying "why can't you make an effort to get to be friends" and "why do women never get along with each other" and then really set me off when he said "you're going to wish you made more of an effort when we have kids and you have no one to help you."

I informed him that I have nothing against this woman, or any other woman we've gotten together with, but as an introvert I don't enjoy making small talk for hours with people I don't know well, and if the conversation is going to center around topics that aren't of interest to the wider group he and his friend should just get together solo. I was REALLY upset about the kid comment and told him I was fully capable of taking care of my own kids and did not need random women to help, but it would help me if he got off his a$$ and helped around the house occasionally. The argument continued until I had to walk away, I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. I have always been a little insecure around other women because I was bulled a bit in HS, and I think this is also part of what set me off.

I don't know if I am the crazy one here or not.

1) I agree with your husband. Stop playing the martyr introvert card.

2) The word is anyway, not anyways.

I'm not obligated to spend time with anyone I don't want to (outside of work, that is).

OP, now you're sounding like a bratty child. No, I suppose that legally, you are not "obligated." But you are also married, which carries with it a new form of moral "obligation." Married people make sacrifices like this all the time for their spouses.

Who knows, you might even grow a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are crazy, per se, but he seems to lack empathy/the ability to put himself in your shoes and you're a bit of a wet blanket. And I say this as an introvert.

I don't like all of my boyfriend's friends' wives/girlfriends either, but I can make conversation with them for two hours over dinner. We recently went on a trip with two of his friends and their girlfriends' who live in another city. So, the other two girlfriends are already good friends who see each other several times a week. That was a little hard to break into but I made an effort and didn't complain. Definitely preferred to be around my boyfriend, since I knew him best, but I made the effort.

You don't have to become best friends with any of these women, but I think part of being a good partner is making an effort to get along with their friends. (Provided, you know, they aren't bad people who influence your husband to do bad things.) A weekend trip is usually like, 36-48 hours when you account for travel time. Then you add in meals as a foursome, alone time in the afternoon...you would literally only have to hang out with this woman alone for a few hours Saturday afternoon. You can't do that?

I'm assuming given the demographics of this board you are at least in your early to mid-30s and you're still complaining about not liking other women because they were mean to you in high school? A time when everyone is notoriously mean to each other? Give me a break.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, your husband is a d-i-c-k. "You're going to wish you had more friends when we have kids and no one will help you?" Wtf is that supposed to mean? Dude, you're her husband, YOU are supposed to help her.

Tell me you're unmarried and without children, without telling me you're unmarried and without children.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you have kids. You'll be writing on here that you have no mom friends. Wonder why?

So what if it's a few hours with the other guy's wife? Shorten it if you like, by saying you need a nap or whatever. She probably isn't that excited to meet you either. You'll make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did he not know prior to your marriage that you are an introvert? How did you not know prior to marriage that he is very social?

Agree here. No one is really to blame. OP should’ve married a homebody introvert if socializing with other couples is draining.

The right strategy here is for OP to figure out which wife is also a low-key introvert. Like attracts like. Introverts tend to befriend each other and are more understanding of personal space/time, roll their eyes together at the “extra” wives/moms constantly posting on social media. There’s a shared misanthropy.