Getting married out of college?

[Anonymous]

Statistics show the age is rising. This won’t align w your algorithm.

Also starter marriages, women w vanity careers and then polyamory

From questions in other forums being poly is more on the rise than marriage

Btw love how dcurbanmoms always use where they went to school as some kind of way to validate what’s happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much easier to be partners vs spouses. Financial sanity alone makes it worth staying unmarried so long as you maintain distinct finances. When it does not work out one person just moves out!

Couldn't disagree more. Spouses have financial stability. DH and I felt completely different once we were married as we knew it was a lifetime commitment. No one can just leave (although we never wanted to).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of women who marry right out of college will become financially dependent on their spouse. It’s a fact. The data unambiguously show this. I know no college educated woman who married in her early 20s (and is still married to the same guy) who is making over $1MM a year. Women give up a LOT getting married young; they just don’t know it. They give up almost all career upside. If they wait until late 20s/early 30s, it’s a very different story. They end up following the guy around for 8-10 years while he is hitting the s-curve in his career. It’s painful to watch. Get financially independent, then get married. You people are naive.

Most of my female friends are high earners and 90% of them married during grad, law or medical school so its different than it used to be. Many of them slowed down in early 30's to have kids but went full time within few years.

Same! And most of my girl friends have STEM masters or MBAs married to a similarly educated DH. They're relatively high earners married to relatively high earners. Not one of them is financially dependent.

They say the best place to meet a spouse is in grad school.

Who is they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no evidence that getting married young leads to a higher divorce rate. And actually practicing Christians who get married Young have a much lower divorce rate. I think getting married at 22 and starting to grow up, compared to drinking and partying your way through your 20s, might actually be a healthier thing to do. And who says you need money to get married? You can still go to law school, take out loans, live in a tiny apartment, etc..

No they don't. Conservative protestantism is a known risk factor for divorce.

https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/674703

And also child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mostly see this happening in UMC. Probably because they gad stability growing up, value it and want to secure it for themselves. This isn't the case for wealthy who don't need to care about any of it or middle class who needs to struggle. Poor with no stability don't know what stability is so wether they marry early or late, unless they figure out stability, their marriages are doomed. Sad world we live in.

NP. I agree with this. People who come from happily married, stable households can easily recognize a partner who comes from a same background. And then they marry, regardless of what age they are.

What I've never understood are those stable couples who cohabit and wait to marry. Why?

To make sure the guy you want to marry is not a disorganized slob or believes women should do all the housework. I would 100% recommend living together first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening at an accelerated rate these days? I've been to two weddings of 2025 college grads this summer and all the kids are 21/22. They're headed off to medical school and law school and are the kids of professional parents who married in their early 30s.
My teens say early marriage is all over instagram as well.

Sample size bias or is this a trend?

90s kid here. Almost everyone I know, including me, married someone they met in college. But we didn't do it at 23/5 when we graduated (it was the 5-6 year plan back then). We cohabitated first and then married sometimes much much later:

Me - met my husband in college and we lived together for 7 years, all through grad school before getting married.
my brother - met his wife in college and they dated long distance when he went to grad school/broke up/got back together and then married 4 years later
my best friend - she was already working but met her husband who was still in college and knew some of her college friends (she went to college in the town she grew up in). She was 24 when they started dating but they didn't marry for a couple years.

We did tend to meet the people we would marry at then end of our college careers, so maybe that was the difference? Most marriages happen late twenties early thirties but to people we were partnered with since before we were 25. We waited to get married but I don't know why?

Same. Something like 70% of my friends married someone they met in college, 20% law/grad/medical school and the other 10% were mostly from online dating I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much easier to be partners vs spouses. Financial sanity alone makes it worth staying unmarried so long as you maintain distinct finances. When it does not work out one person just moves out!

Couldn't disagree more. Spouses have financial stability. DH and I felt completely different once we were married as we knew it was a lifetime commitment. No one can just leave (although we never wanted to).

Or they can also have financial instability and that’s something that becomes YOUR problem and could have lifelong consequences for YOU.

My brother married a woman he went to college with a few years after graduation. She couldn’t find a job so she dodged the student loan people for YEARS. He didn’t know because they called her cell number. He only found out when they took their tax refund. They were about to buy a house so I’m glad he found out before this. I could see him putting the house in his name only because her credit was shot. She wanted to go to grad school and have him co-sign a loan for her. Thankfully they got divorced before she ruined his credit too.

[Anonymous]

Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly I think that is positive. College is a great time to find a partner. I have been discouraging schools with male / female balance in the 40/60 range because of this. But I married straight out of college and were celebrating our 25th shortly so am kind of biased.

On the other hand, I’ve been encouraging my son towards those schools. Great chances!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing the same thing myself. I have boys. They both go to elite T20 colleges. They both have serious girlfriends. If they were to pop the proposal, they'd be married next month.

I don't care for it. But I understand. College is when you are most likely to meet an equal partner that you click with in a natural, organic way. That's no small thing. The post college dating world - apps, hook ups, etc - isn't wonderful for people looking for a life partner. Gen Z seems to be locking things down very early - especially the girls.

We like to criticize Gen Z, but they are not as clueless as we think. I am Gen X and frankly I am glad Gen Z cares about more than just work.work

[Anonymous]

I guess it’s hard for me to reconcile my 20s with a spouse…three different job promotions and 5 different locations including an international posting.

I guess if the plan would have been for the spouse not to work…maybe…but it was nice to be able to quickly make the decisions solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

Opposite experience here. Everyone I know who married their high school sweethearts are still together with the exception of one who passed away.