Getting married out of college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 30 and we had 5 lovely childfree years. My best friend got married at 33 or 34 and had kids at 38 and 40. There’s time to travel or whatever.

Having kids that late raises a lot of risks, including not being able to have kids. Not mention being in your 60s when your kid is in college.

Your math isn't mathing. My kid will graduate from college when I am 58.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

See, I gotta call bullshit. No one -- no one -- has their three closest friends all marry their high school boyfriends right after graduating college. It doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Anecdotal. Just like your anecdotal sata taught you that marriage cannot mean happy and doesn't work for your social circle.

[Anonymous]

*data

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.

Sure. But imagine being 31 and single today. You're done with school. Most men are not asking work colleagues out these days. So that reduces things to serendipity or the apps.

When confronted by a future of Tinder and Hinge or whatever, it's not a surprise that smart college students that want a life partner are settling down earlier rather than later. College or grad school is a very organic way to meet. It's difficult to meet potential life partners in 2025 naturally. So I can see how Gen Z is making the most of their college years - bc post college dating looks bleak to them.

My college kids are both in serious relationships. I was wary at first. Wait until 30 was my thinking. But - in the context of reality in 2025 - I get it. I wouldn't be surprised if they are both married before 25.

I think pandemic and millennials's struggle with loneliness put things in perspective for next generation.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem like a new trend to me. I went to 10 weddings the year I graduated college - 1996. I've seen FB posts of three friends whose daughters who have gotten married this summer shortly after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.

Sure. But imagine being 31 and single today. You're done with school. Most men are not asking work colleagues out these days. So that reduces things to serendipity or the apps.

When confronted by a future of Tinder and Hinge or whatever, it's not a surprise that smart college students that want a life partner are settling down earlier rather than later. College or grad school is a very organic way to meet. It's difficult to meet potential life partners in 2025 naturally. So I can see how Gen Z is making the most of their college years - bc post college dating looks bleak to them.

My college kids are both in serious relationships. I was wary at first. Wait until 30 was my thinking. But - in the context of reality in 2025 - I get it. I wouldn't be surprised if they are both married before 25.

+1 Online dating platforms today are mostly hookup platforms. Great if that's what you are looking for. But not as good for finding a life partner.

[Anonymous]

If maturity saved marriages, people marrying late or again would remain happily married.

[Anonymous]

The truth is, if you are a smart female who want to be married and have kids (regardless of drive to succeed professionally) your best bet is to find that future high income husband in College. Specially if you attend an elite college. Once you are out of college your chances of finding another capable “suitable equivalent” partner reduces every year.
Unfortunately that is not necessarily true for men.

[Anonymous]

Interesting research here:

“

High-earning men have a lot of options when it comes to choosing a wife. They overwhelmingly choose to marry highly-educated and high-earning women of a similar age or just a couple years younger. In other words, they marry peers. The idea that most husbands are threatened by female achievements is unsupported by the available evidence.

That said, achievement and ambition can take many forms, and need not center on the workplace. The wives of high-income men might pursue high-income jobs of their own—or they might direct their drive and ambition towards other pursuits. Indeed, it turns out that there is also a correlation between high-income husbands and wives who stay home (i.e. contribute less than 5% of household income and have total income under $15,000).

“

https://ifstudies.org/blog/high-status-men-are-attracted-to-ambitious-women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a teenage wedding then the old folks should wish them well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting research here:

“

High-earning men have a lot of options when it comes to choosing a wife. They overwhelmingly choose to marry highly-educated and high-earning women of a similar age or just a couple years younger. In other words, they marry peers. The idea that most husbands are threatened by female achievements is unsupported by the available evidence.

That said, achievement and ambition can take many forms, and need not center on the workplace. The wives of high-income men might pursue high-income jobs of their own—or they might direct their drive and ambition towards other pursuits. Indeed, it turns out that there is also a correlation between high-income husbands and wives who stay home (i.e. contribute less than 5% of household income and have total income under $15,000).

“

https://ifstudies.org/blog/high-status-men-are-attracted-to-ambitious-women

Yep smart women w vanity careers because marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if you’re from a rich family, it doesn’t matter if you get married and have kids at a young age. Everyone else has student loans to pay, trying to save to buy a house, etc. That takes a long time.

I wouldn’t want my kid to get married that young. Your 20s are for traveling, trying out jobs, etc.

Ones I know, each has traveled a dozen or more countries so traveling isn't a dream, just a part of their lives. Marriage isn't changing their work trajectories or travel plans. These aren't shotgun marriages where baby is due within months of marriage. They can take as little or as long as it suits them.

Agree with this. We are HHI $350k (so not DCUM rich) and my kids have been overseas with friends (no adults) 3 and 4 times by ages 19 and 20. They've done the hostel thing, the trains in Europe thing, etc. Their friends are all similar.
I think many of these 20 something experiences have been pushed down 5 years for this generation.

[Anonymous]

DCUM: where three examples from Facebook are held up as concrete evidence of a trend across millions of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing the same thing myself. I have boys. They both go to elite T20 colleges. They both have serious girlfriends. If they were to pop the proposal, they'd be married next month.

I don't care for it. But I understand. College is when you are most likely to meet an equal partner that you click with in a natural, organic way. That's no small thing. The post college dating world - apps, hook ups, etc - isn't wonderful for people looking for a life partner. Gen Z seems to be locking things down very early - especially the girls.

We like to criticize Gen Z, but they are not as clueless as we think. I am Gen X and frankly I am glad Gen Z cares about more than just work.work

Most of them are still in middle school, high school and college. People are real bored so they talk about Gen z as if they are all adults.