Getting married out of college?

[Anonymous]

I actually think I did better in law school because I was married and could mentally separate myself from the drama and messiness that was law school dynamics. But importantly my husband and I both focused heavily on and supported each other's career goals when we were married. He quizzed me for the bar exam, I read drafts of his thesis.

[Anonymous]

The only people I know doing this are really rich or really poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Marriage rates among the wealthy and educated are higher than for the MC and LMC.

This^. Not something for youth struggling with debt, drugs and unemployment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems crazy to me. Back when my parents did it, they didn't know that your brain isn't even fully cooked until 25 at the earliest. I can't imagine missing out on all the people you meet if you're not partnered in your 20s. I grew SO MUCH. I know everyone is different so I would never say anything, and I observe more than I judge, but for me it would've been a nightmare.

I guess I didn't feel that way at all. DH and I were always very very responsible and knew exactly what we were looking for. In fact, our exes were wonderful people too, so it's not like we had lots of bad relationships either.

DH and I were completely together from the day we met and we both knew we'd marry each other. Waiting until we were 30 to marry would have just been pointless. I've never met anyone who even held a candle to dh. DH and I married at 24/25, backpacked around the world, got our masters degrees together, bought homes and had lots of fun before deciding to have children in our 30s. Couldn't imagine a more perect life. Why would I want a few bad breakups and bad boyfriends in there? What purpose would that serve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess if you’re from a rich family, it doesn’t matter if you get married and have kids at a young age. Everyone else has student loans to pay, trying to save to buy a house, etc. That takes a long time.

I wouldn’t want my kid to get married that young. Your 20s are for traveling, trying out jobs, etc.

Ones I know, each has traveled a dozen or more countries so traveling isn't a dream, just a part of their lives. Marriage isn't changing their work trajectories or travel plans. These aren't shotgun marriages where baby is due within months of marriage. They can take as little or as long as it suits them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess if you’re from a rich family, it doesn’t matter if you get married and have kids at a young age. Everyone else has student loans to pay, trying to save to buy a house, etc. That takes a long time.

I wouldn’t want my kid to get married that young. Your 20s are for traveling, trying out jobs, etc.

You don’t need to buy a house or pay off loans before you get married. And if you need to be doing all that before you get married then you shouldn’t be throwing your money away “traveling” either. Also, there’s no law that says you can’t travel with your spouse either.

What a bizarre take.

Bizarre? Nope. Only weirdos went to get married that young. The only people I know who were married that young did it because the girl was pregnant.

Well weirdos can't have healthy committed relationships so they just date and hook up for a decade then settle with whoever says yes and start infertility struggles before having kids and divorcing because rushed marriages fail and fidelity is tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know doing this are really rich or really poor.

Same observation here, although mostly UMC to really rich. Usually the wealthy parents are paying for the whole wedding, plus the additional degrees. The adult kids have no reason not to get married. Parents will probably also eventually give them a housing down payment, and have probably already gifted them cars and a fully paid college education.

The poorest don't have anything to lose by getting married, but aren't having large elaborate weddings. I know two young adults who it went to the court house during their lunch hour, for married, and went back to work.

The middle class would have the hardest time, which is why I assume I'm not seeing them get married right after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of women who marry right out of college will become financially dependent on their spouse. It’s a fact. The data unambiguously show this. I know no college educated woman who married in her early 20s (and is still married to the same guy) who is making over $1MM a year. Women give up a LOT getting married young; they just don’t know it. They give up almost all career upside. If they wait until late 20s/early 30s, it’s a very different story. They end up following the guy around for 8-10 years while he is hitting the s-curve in his career. It’s painful to watch. Get financially independent, then get married. You people are naive.

Most of my female friends are high earners and 90% of them married during grad, law or medical school so its different than it used to be. Many of them slowed down in early 30's to have kids but went full time within few years.

[Anonymous]

If we are going by anecdotes than many of my friends who married late, got divorced and remarried, only to get divorced again so in my experience, these things are very couple centric.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's happening for UMC college graduates.

At least for the smart ones.

Privileged ones with options and opportunities.

[Anonymous]

I mostly see this happening in UMC. Probably because they gad stability growing up, value it and want to secure it for themselves. This isn't the case for wealthy who don't need to care about any of it or middle class who needs to struggle. Poor with no stability don't know what stability is so wether they marry early or late, unless they figure out stability, their marriages are doomed. Sad world we live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this happening at an accelerated rate these days? I've been to two weddings of 2025 college grads this summer and all the kids are 21/22. They're headed off to medical school and law school and are the kids of professional parents who married in their early 30s.
My teens say early marriage is all over instagram as well.

Sample size bias or is this a trend?

90s kid here. Almost everyone I know, including me, married someone they met in college. But we didn't do it at 23/5 when we graduated (it was the 5-6 year plan back then). We cohabitated first and then married sometimes much much later:

Me - met my husband in college and we lived together for 7 years, all through grad school before getting married.
my brother - met his wife in college and they dated long distance when he went to grad school/broke up/got back together and then married 4 years later
my best friend - she was already working but met her husband who was still in college and knew some of her college friends (she went to college in the town she grew up in). She was 24 when they started dating but they didn't marry for a couple years.

We did tend to meet the people we would marry at then end of our college careers, so maybe that was the difference? Most marriages happen late twenties early thirties but to people we were partnered with since before we were 25. We waited to get married but I don't know why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of women who marry right out of college will become financially dependent on their spouse. It’s a fact. The data unambiguously show this. I know no college educated woman who married in her early 20s (and is still married to the same guy) who is making over $1MM a year. Women give up a LOT getting married young; they just don’t know it. They give up almost all career upside. If they wait until late 20s/early 30s, it’s a very different story. They end up following the guy around for 8-10 years while he is hitting the s-curve in his career. It’s painful to watch. Get financially independent, then get married. You people are naive.

Most of my female friends are high earners and 90% of them married during grad, law or medical school so its different than it used to be. Many of them slowed down in early 30's to have kids but went full time within few years.

Same! And most of my girl friends have STEM masters or MBAs married to a similarly educated DH. They're relatively high earners married to relatively high earners. Not one of them is financially dependent.

They say the best place to meet a spouse is in grad school.

[Anonymous]

Much easier to be partners vs spouses. Financial sanity alone makes it worth staying unmarried so long as you maintain distinct finances. When it does not work out one person just moves out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mostly see this happening in UMC. Probably because they gad stability growing up, value it and want to secure it for themselves. This isn't the case for wealthy who don't need to care about any of it or middle class who needs to struggle. Poor with no stability don't know what stability is so wether they marry early or late, unless they figure out stability, their marriages are doomed. Sad world we live in.

NP. I agree with this. People who come from happily married, stable households can easily recognize a partner who comes from a same background. And then they marry, regardless of what age they are.

What I've never understood are those stable couples who cohabit and wait to marry. Why?