Getting married out of college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 30 and we had 5 lovely childfree years. My best friend got married at 33 or 34 and had kids at 38 and 40. There’s time to travel or whatever.

Having kids that late raises a lot of risks, including not being able to have kids. Not mention being in your 60s when your kid is in college.

Your math isn't mathing. My kid will graduate from college when I am 58.

That’s in one the oldest age groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

See, I gotta call bullshit. No one -- no one -- has their three closest friends all marry their high school boyfriends right after graduating college. It doesn't happen.

It’s absolutely true, I promise. If I told you the school, you’d doubt me even more.

This is an outlier situation for sure, but I think about them every time one of these threads come up because I do feel kind of sad that each of them devoted themselves so fully to these guys so early in their lives. They never fully enjoyed their college experience, never got their own careers going because they assumed these guys would take care of them forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

This. And, YES, I know there are successful high school or college sweethearts that work out. The vast majority of the ones I know ended in divorce. You're just (again, usually) not the same person at 18 or even 22 that you are at 30. People change. And people get tied down with kids young and then, at midlife, realize the stuff they missed out on.

I would not be thrilled if my DC married out of college. But it's not my decision, ultimately.

I will also add my own anecdotes: the only ones I know who got married straight out of college were due to pregnancies or wanting to following their military SO and live on base with them (necessitating marriage). I, quite literally, know none of my friends' older kids getting married at 22 anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

See, I gotta call bullshit. No one -- no one -- has their three closest friends all marry their high school boyfriends right after graduating college. It doesn't happen.

It’s absolutely true, I promise. If I told you the school, you’d doubt me even more.

This is an outlier situation for sure, but I think about them every time one of these threads come up because I do feel kind of sad that each of them devoted themselves so fully to these guys so early in their lives. They never fully enjoyed their college experience, never got their own careers going because they assumed these guys would take care of them forever.

They "assumed these guys would take care of them forever?" When did you go to college, the 1950s? How did you end up with such bizarre friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

This. And, YES, I know there are successful high school or college sweethearts that work out. The vast majority of the ones I know ended in divorce. You're just (again, usually) not the same person at 18 or even 22 that you are at 30. People change. And people get tied down with kids young and then, at midlife, realize the stuff they missed out on.

I would not be thrilled if my DC married out of college. But it's not my decision, ultimately.

I will also add my own anecdotes: the only ones I know who got married straight out of college were due to pregnancies or wanting to following their military SO and live on base with them (necessitating marriage). I, quite literally, know none of my friends' older kids getting married at 22 anymore.

This says nothing about people at large, just the people you associate with.

[Anonymous]

I want to marry a smart pre med woman and lock her down. Should be easy because there’s more woman pre meds than man. Men marry rich now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy

And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything

Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.

I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.

I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.

My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.

See, I gotta call bullshit. No one -- no one -- has their three closest friends all marry their high school boyfriends right after graduating college. It doesn't happen.

It’s absolutely true, I promise. If I told you the school, you’d doubt me even more.

This is an outlier situation for sure, but I think about them every time one of these threads come up because I do feel kind of sad that each of them devoted themselves so fully to these guys so early in their lives. They never fully enjoyed their college experience, never got their own careers going because they assumed these guys would take care of them forever.

DP. And I think for your friends, here is the issue. They assumed the guys would take care of them and never launched their careers. My friends or peers who married their HS or early college sweethearts and who are still together, actually did finish college, enjoyed it fully, had lots of friends, joined clubs and sororities, and prioritized and established their careers. That's the key. Regardless of where and when you meet your partner, women need to build their own life that's sustainable to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

This. And, YES, I know there are successful high school or college sweethearts that work out. The vast majority of the ones I know ended in divorce. You're just (again, usually) not the same person at 18 or even 22 that you are at 30. People change. And people get tied down with kids young and then, at midlife, realize the stuff they missed out on.

I would not be thrilled if my DC married out of college. But it's not my decision, ultimately.

I will also add my own anecdotes: the only ones I know who got married straight out of college were due to pregnancies or wanting to following their military SO and live on base with them (necessitating marriage). I, quite literally, know none of my friends' older kids getting married at 22 anymore.

I'm middle class and this is true for me as well.

But because I went to private school on scholarship, I see what the adult kids of my rich classmates are doing, and they are the ones getting married right out of college because the parents are footing the bills for everything and life is damn easy for them.

Sure, they were able to get decent jobs or go to grad or professional school after early marriage, mainly because mom and dad are paying for the wedding, fancy honeymoon, two cars and all tuition.

And the other group I see marrying early are the children of my poor hometown friends, who are going straight into the military and need to get married so the girlfriend / boyfriend gets health insurance and they can get a housing stipend because they are barely scraping buy on minimum wage jobs.

[Anonymous]

I did this 32.years ago. Because my partner needed health insurance. We didn't have a wedding - we just got a marriage license.We weren't too serious about it and figured if we didn't want to stay together divorce was available. But he supported me though law school and we built a life together. We traveled. We had fun. We didn't have kids until our mid-30s. I wasn't completely sure that he was "the one" when we got married but he turned out to be. I think being married sort of helped us stay together but not really.

[Anonymous]

Getting married is never a good idea.

[Anonymous]

“Especially the girls”? So lesbian marriages right out of college have increased?

[Anonymous]

My daugher her 17 year old friend is getting married to a fellow senior in high school so college is free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

This. And, YES, I know there are successful high school or college sweethearts that work out. The vast majority of the ones I know ended in divorce. You're just (again, usually) not the same person at 18 or even 22 that you are at 30. People change. And people get tied down with kids young and then, at midlife, realize the stuff they missed out on.

I would not be thrilled if my DC married out of college. But it's not my decision, ultimately.

I will also add my own anecdotes: the only ones I know who got married straight out of college were due to pregnancies or wanting to following their military SO and live on base with them (necessitating marriage). I, quite literally, know none of my friends' older kids getting married at 22 anymore.

This says nothing about people at large, just the people you associate with.

Thus why i used the word "anecdote." Like everything else on here . . .

[Anonymous]

This has always been typical of the service academies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daugher her 17 year old friend is getting married to a fellow senior in high school so college is free.

I don't see the connection between being a married teen and college being free...