Desi parents and kids who married a non desi

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Yeah, that has changed quite a bit from years ago. In reality, Indians want their doctor kids to marry other doctors/professionally successful people. Indians meet their non-Indian spouses in either college/graduate school or work. I do know of a number of Indian doctors marrying Black doctors - and being supported from both sides of the families.

I think it is a SES thing rather than a race thing.

Nope. PP here. I've seen Indians disowned for marrying black attorneys, physicians, engineers. Didn't matter. There just isn't the whole well, he's a successful person or she's a brilliant surgeon thing I've seen with white people marrying into the Indian community.

There is just so much gossip and drama around this. I've known people who have married black people (yes successful) and yes, they have been derided by the aunties and rejected by families. It is VERY much a thing.

I am not doubting you. I am just saying that you and I move in different circles. Previous generations who immigrated in the 60s and 70s are certainly more rigid. Younger generation that has immigrated has come from a more prosperous, educated and open India.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am finding it laughable how some of the Desi posters in here are unable to differentiate between “castes” of white America. How can you not know the difference between a WASP and a middle American white person?

Lack of exposure. My Indian MIL has lived in this country since the late 60’s. She interacts with other Indians probably 95 percent of the time. She has very little contact with white people besides on a very superficial level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

There is racism, no question. In this community (not every person obviously) just like every other community in America.

[Anonymous]

There is one poster who seems really obsessed with WASPs. But one thing this thread made me realize is that my parents etc. don't really care or differentiate between white people that way. They cared about DH's family in the here and now - that is parents were married and extended family was functional, doing fine financially and kids are educated, etc.

I am 2nd gen Indian American and most of my friends are not Indian due to the demographics of where I live. Most of my friends are white but few are WASPs. More who are Jewish, some Catholic, many just mixed European. A number are married the non-white spouses.

[Anonymous]

I moved here in my 20's and certainly have and enjoy desi friends more but my local born and raised kids have a very diverse circle.

[Anonymous]

My niece who attended an Islamic school on east coast and grew up mostly among South Asians and Middle Easterners, has a very diverse group of friends now after college and job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians.

Yes, I know. That’s why I’m wondering how they can be racist to towards an African- American person who may actually be lighter skinned than they are.

[Anonymous]

India has a strict caste system and I have found certain Indian people I know don't want to mix with people outside their caste. I had friends from the same region of India and one of them was so snooty to the other because she was higher caste (not friends with that person anymore for good reason).

[Anonymous]

World is still not mentally free from the damage caused by the slavery and Colonialism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians for sure. Embarrassing and ridiculous.

But that's different from racism toward AAs and Hispanic people. Previous generations were much more racist about that, and I know of families that became estranged over it. But now, I know multiple families where the child has married an African American or Hispanic partner. In all cases, the person was highly educated and their family was also (e.g., AA doctor parents with doctor kids). There may have been some internal discussions, I don't know, but as a friend, it seemed like the Indian family did not care that much, beyond that the person was not Indian. In one case, the person was highly educated/earning but the family was very working class. That one was bumpier, but in the end the families are making it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians for sure. Embarrassing and ridiculous.

But that's different from racism toward AAs and Hispanic people. Previous generations were much more racist about that, and I know of families that became estranged over it. But now, I know multiple families where the child has married an African American or Hispanic partner. In all cases, the person was highly educated and their family was also (e.g., AA doctor parents with doctor kids). There may have been some internal discussions, I don't know, but as a friend, it seemed like the Indian family did not care that much, beyond that the person was not Indian. In one case, the person was highly educated/earning but the family was very working class. That one was bumpier, but in the end the families are making it work.

PP here. I guess now that I think about it, the AA families I know married into Indian are African immigrant families. I only know one where the family is Black, non-immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Why? A lot of Indians have darker skin than African Americans, many of whom are mixed race and part white.

Colorism is a big thing among Indians.

Yes, I know. That’s why I’m wondering how they can be racist to towards an African- American person who may actually be lighter skinned than they are.

Because being darker in Indian circles puts you toward the bottom of the pile. You need some other group to be beneath you for you to not feel like a bottom feeder, which is the root of all racism. Indian immigrants are very much into making sure they don’t fall lower on their social ladder and delighted for any opportunity to ascend higher, hence not wanting to marry beneath their level, not seeking degrees or employment that isn’t high paying and spending lavishly on things that will be apparent to other Indians that they have more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian-American here.

Most people don't care if you marry a well-off, educated white person from a family with assets and are still married. Some people find divorce untasteful, but if the rest is there, they aren't going to care one bit about the divorce and will be supportive.

Every. Single. Indian. I know (and I am so many having grown up in a heavy Indian community) would lose their minds if their child married a black person. Indians are weirdly hateful toward black people.

Yeah, that has changed quite a bit from years ago. In reality, Indians want their doctor kids to marry other doctors/professionally successful people. Indians meet their non-Indian spouses in either college/graduate school or work. I do know of a number of Indian doctors marrying Black doctors - and being supported from both sides of the families.

I think it is a SES thing rather than a race thing.

Nope. PP here. I've seen Indians disowned for marrying black attorneys, physicians, engineers. Didn't matter. There just isn't the whole well, he's a successful person or she's a brilliant surgeon thing I've seen with white people marrying into the Indian community.

There is just so much gossip and drama around this. I've known people who have married black people (yes successful) and yes, they have been derided by the aunties and rejected by families. It is VERY much a thing.

Definitely a colorist perspective. They don't mind their kids marrying someone lighter, because their kids will be light skinned. But marrying someone darker is still looked down upon. Even within the desi community.