Porn addiction, whole marriage a lie

[Anonymous]

Your husband is still not being honest with you OP and deep in your heart you know this.

[Anonymous]

Your mariage has been a lie because he lied the whole time. It's porn, could have been gambling for example. He hid his addiction and ruined finances.

Get a lawyer. Protect your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he isn't being 100% honest when he's calling it "porn". Subscription porn sites are like $20 a month. The only way it would be possible for him to spend such an astronomical amount of money is if he's doing custom video requests or live video shows from sex workers. Which is engaging in prostitution, not simply porn videos. There's also not a small chance he may be engaging in a "FinDom" fetish, which is where men get off on paying large sums of money to sex workers in exchange for being sent degrading messages. The amount of money spent and the secrecy are major red flags of FinDom.

You appear to be an expert in this field. Or full of shıt. Where did you acquire such voluminous knowledge of something you have such a problem with?

Why so angry?

FinDom is a sign of mental issues. NP.

Sure but this hits a bit like Friday diagnosing Terri Schiavo from a 10 second video clip.

[Anonymous]

OP, be careful not to underplay the ramifications of who your DH really is.

https://neurosciencenews.com/neuroscience-pornography-brain-15354/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he isn't being 100% honest when he's calling it "porn". Subscription porn sites are like $20 a month. The only way it would be possible for him to spend such an astronomical amount of money is if he's doing custom video requests or live video shows from sex workers. Which is engaging in prostitution, not simply porn videos. There's also not a small chance he may be engaging in a "FinDom" fetish, which is where men get off on paying large sums of money to sex workers in exchange for being sent degrading messages. The amount of money spent and the secrecy are major red flags of FinDom.

You appear to be an expert in this field. Or full of shıt. Where did you acquire such voluminous knowledge of something you have such a problem with?

Why so angry?

FinDom is a sign of mental issues. NP.

Sure but this hits a bit like Friday diagnosing Terri Schiavo from a 10 second video clip.

You are twisted to equate the 2.

[Anonymous]

A FinDom kink is no joke. See Glenn Greenwald licking spit off a concrete floor while being verbally abused then rushing to transfer thousands of dollars for the experience.

https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/lo...nation-b1915084.html

This is way more than a mere addiction to free porn. That is a serious amount of money. Given that more was likely funneled through a biz account, this is a weak man with really deep seated pathologies. He may want to expose kids to porn “accidentally” to normalize his own experience. The kids are not going to have any sense of healthy adults with you codependent and him an addict, OP.

So sorry you don’t have good choices.

[Anonymous]

You still are being super naive here. Your husband has definitely suffered childhood trauma and it won’t get better as the kids get older unless he gets extensive help. He also also very likely to trade one addiction for another.

Please start reading more about this and get a therapist for yourself who specializes in working with spouses of addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he isn't being 100% honest when he's calling it "porn". Subscription porn sites are like $20 a month. The only way it would be possible for him to spend such an astronomical amount of money is if he's doing custom video requests or live video shows from sex workers. Which is engaging in prostitution, not simply porn videos. There's also not a small chance he may be engaging in a "FinDom" fetish, which is where men get off on paying large sums of money to sex workers in exchange for being sent degrading messages. The amount of money spent and the secrecy are major red flags of FinDom.

You appear to be an expert in this field. Or full of shıt. Where did you acquire such voluminous knowledge of something you have such a problem with?

Why so angry?

FinDom is a sign of mental issues. NP.

Sure but this hits a bit like Friday diagnosing Terri Schiavo from a 10 second video clip.

You are twisted to equate the 2.

Sure it’s twisted to make a comparison between 1 person taking limited information to make a diagnosis and another person taking limited information to make a diagnosis. SOOO twisted

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if I could live with someone like that, or let them unsupervised with the kids. He may use the kids identity to get credit, it’s not uncommon. I know he seems harmless but you must protect your children at all costs. Please consult a good lawyer.

But how would divorce protect against him using their SSNs for credit?

But you are right that I am still in shock that I cannot truly trust him in taking care of our kids. I can check his credit report constantly and he is ok with complete financial transparency, but my worry is if something were to happen to me, how can I trust him to not squander our children's future? It is so heartbreaking that I cannot trust him with something so basic.

Freeze the kids’ credit. I did it for an infant; it’s not hard.

Yes good idea. I will do that since no downside. But can't he as the father unfreeze it? I am not sure how that works.

They will give you a password to unfreeze. Don’t give him that password.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a survivor of child sexual abuse. This doesn’t mean you have to put up with his crap, but if you have to squarely faced this reality about him you are not working with the whole picture.

Agree with the PP who said expect some kind of exacerbation when each kid reaches 10. Depending on what else happened to him, it may be extreme. I would expect that you are not going to be able to be really removed from this situation until your kids are 18 or over.

If you don’t divorce him, you can and should get a postnup and an agreement to separate the marital money in alignment with whatever it says about who would get what. You need a lot of protection.

[Anonymous]

$50k op that's not porn hes paying for..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You still are being super naive here. Your husband has definitely suffered childhood trauma and it won’t get better as the kids get older unless he gets extensive help. He also also very likely to trade one addiction for another.

Please start reading more about this and get a therapist for yourself who specializes in working with spouses of addicts.

This, OP. This is more than just porn, there is a huge financial element. People with a trauma history don’t really grow up emotionally in a regular way. He is not able to be relied upon as a spouse or parent, he’s more akin to a tween himself. He needs intensive help and you need to be very realistic. Playing happy family won’t last as the kids get older, he doesn’t have the emotional regulation or coping skills. Consult lawyers and mental health experts who work with families of addicts. If he did a residential stint it would likely access help for the rest of you. Without targeted help, not any old therapist, the situation will not hold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he isn't being 100% honest when he's calling it "porn". Subscription porn sites are like $20 a month. The only way it would be possible for him to spend such an astronomical amount of money is if he's doing custom video requests or live video shows from sex workers. Which is engaging in prostitution, not simply porn videos. There's also not a small chance he may be engaging in a "FinDom" fetish, which is where men get off on paying large sums of money to sex workers in exchange for being sent degrading messages. The amount of money spent and the secrecy are major red flags of FinDom.

You appear to be an expert in this field. Or full of shıt. Where did you acquire such voluminous knowledge of something you have such a problem with?

Ma'am what's the anger for? I'm trying to help OP. One of my longtime friends was a Findomme for a few years, and alarm bells went off in my head reading OP's post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP he isn't being 100% honest when he's calling it "porn". Subscription porn sites are like $20 a month. The only way it would be possible for him to spend such an astronomical amount of money is if he's doing custom video requests or live video shows from sex workers. Which is engaging in prostitution, not simply porn videos. There's also not a small chance he may be engaging in a "FinDom" fetish, which is where men get off on paying large sums of money to sex workers in exchange for being sent degrading messages. The amount of money spent and the secrecy are major red flags of FinDom.

You appear to be an expert in this field. Or full of shıt. Where did you acquire such voluminous knowledge of something you have such a problem with?

Why so angry?

FinDom is a sign of mental issues. NP.

Sure but this hits a bit like Friday diagnosing Terri Schiavo from a 10 second video clip.

You are twisted to equate the 2.

Sure it’s twisted to make a comparison between 1 person taking limited information to make a diagnosis and another person taking limited information to make a diagnosis. SOOO twisted

Way to try to derail a serious thread.