Would You Divorce If Adult Child Would Reject You?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the fire OP? What are you trying to accomplish at your age that another six months is going to genuinely affect? You clearly want the divorce and your wife doesn’t. That happens all the time. So this is where the rubber meets the road: give her a continuance and let her know this is her opportunity to find representation and if she does not, she’ll suffer the consequences. You don’t have to live in an unhappy marriage. But there are lots of ways to exit a marriage without swinging a bat on your way out.

You can explain all this with kindness to your daughter, and if you’re genuine, your daughter will see that. If you are leaving a stay at home mom high and dry in her 60s who is about to live at the poverty line, it doesn’t matter what you do with the continuance because you’ll lose your kid.

FWIW, my dad left my mom for his AP. My mom is now remarried and living a great life. Dad was married a P until she died of a chronic ill illness many years later. Everyone would say that everyone moved on in my family and got along great. Privately, I will tell you that I grew up watching my mom lay on the couch on NYE and I’ve never forgiven my father. Have I moved on? Sure. I wasn’t given a choice. But he’s a selfish man, full stop.

Why do I think that’s the same thing op is planning on…

probably.

that's why the OP only selectively responds to posters, not the ones asking WHY THE DIVORCE?

OP here. I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, cruelty and constructive desertion. W had a several affairs, the last with a partner at the former law firm where she worked. That office romance blew up in her face. She was fired from her job, partner had to leave the firm. That answer enough?

Wow. Did all of this happen recently?

This all seems like so much drama for people in their 50’s.

I’m in my 50s and this stuff is, unfortunately, not uncommon. I’m seeing some real nasty divorces, infidelity, drama, etc in my neighborhood, long ago friends, etc who had been married a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the fire OP? What are you trying to accomplish at your age that another six months is going to genuinely affect? You clearly want the divorce and your wife doesn’t. That happens all the time. So this is where the rubber meets the road: give her a continuance and let her know this is her opportunity to find representation and if she does not, she’ll suffer the consequences. You don’t have to live in an unhappy marriage. But there are lots of ways to exit a marriage without swinging a bat on your way out.

You can explain all this with kindness to your daughter, and if you’re genuine, your daughter will see that. If you are leaving a stay at home mom high and dry in her 60s who is about to live at the poverty line, it doesn’t matter what you do with the continuance because you’ll lose your kid.

FWIW, my dad left my mom for his AP. My mom is now remarried and living a great life. Dad was married a P until she died of a chronic ill illness many years later. Everyone would say that everyone moved on in my family and got along great. Privately, I will tell you that I grew up watching my mom lay on the couch on NYE and I’ve never forgiven my father. Have I moved on? Sure. I wasn’t given a choice. But he’s a selfish man, full stop.

Why do I think that’s the same thing op is planning on…

probably.

that's why the OP only selectively responds to posters, not the ones asking WHY THE DIVORCE?

OP here. I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, cruelty and constructive desertion. W had a several affairs, the last with a partner at the former law firm where she worked. That office romance blew up in her face. She was fired from her job, partner had to leave the firm. That answer enough?

Wow. Did all of this happen recently?

This all seems like so much drama for people in their 50’s.

I’m in my 50s and this stuff is, unfortunately, not uncommon. I’m seeing some real nasty divorces, infidelity, drama, etc in my neighborhood, long ago friends, etc who had been married a long time.

True. But I also see people who are still complaining about something their spouse did a decade ago or more.

[Anonymous]

If you are acting as reasonably as you say, then have to trust that any temporary rupture can be mended. Divorces are public, so she will be able to see things as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're planning to marry someone new as soon as the ink is dry, there's pretty much no benefit to divorcing when you're old enough to have adult children. Just buy a house for her, or sell the one you share and buy two houses. Continue to pay the utilities and credit card for groceries/gas, with the understanding that monthly expenses not exceed $X. This is going to be much less expensive for you 90% of the time, assuming you are the primary breadwinner. Your investments remain intact, your home equity doesn't get touched, you don't have to fund an insurance policy for her that doesn't have you as the beneficiary, and YOU remain in control of all of your assets. (I'm assuming you handle the finances in your relationship.) All of this would be done with the understanding that you will be seeing other people and so will she. You'll vacation separately and rarely spend time together. Think of it as having a summer home that one of you occupies for 12 months/year.

I disagree that there is no benefit. Being divorced allows you to move on in many ways.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why agreeing to one more continuance would be bad, and it could help with daughter. Pretty easy choice.

[Anonymous]

I has my lawyer not object to a continuance by my spouse, extending the trial date by two months. Discovery schedule remains as is, which spouse dies by like.

I feel I did asked. Spouse needs to get her own lawyer. If she dues nut, it’s on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has been very high conflict. My D has witnessed it. There are things I’ve told my D that are only between her mother and I x d I will not discuss them her. I’m asking for a split of assets 52 percent in wife’s favor, but she says that’s not reasonable.

She went to court pro se and filed for the continuance. She claimed she did not see the original complaint b/c the process server gave it to my D who was home at the time. She also made other claims that my lawyer and I ambushed and misled her. She says she requested the continuance so she could get a lawyer. The judge denied her request. She waited too long.

Why would I write this? Because I’m stressed.

Is that allowed? I thought it had to be to the person directly?

So she doesn’t even have a lawyer and you won’t give her the extra time? Yikes.

This. There is no way a process server gave it to your daughter. Who then opened it and threw it away? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage has been very high conflict. My D has witnessed it. There are things I’ve told my D that are only between her mother and I x d I will not discuss them her. I’m asking for a split of assets 52 percent in wife’s favor, but she says that’s not reasonable.

She went to court pro se and filed for the continuance. She claimed she did not see the original complaint b/c the process server gave it to my D who was home at the time. She also made other claims that my lawyer and I ambushed and misled her. She says she requested the continuance so she could get a lawyer. The judge denied her request. She waited too long.

Why would I write this? Because I’m stressed.

Is that allowed? I thought it had to be to the person directly?

So she doesn’t even have a lawyer and you won’t give her the extra time? Yikes.

This. There is no way a process server gave it to your daughter. Who then opened it and threw it away? No way.

It varies state by state, but in most, you do not have to serve on the person directly. You can serve at the person’s usual abode. In my most cases, the process server signs an affidavit describing what they did and that is filed with the court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would your “lawyer advise AGAINST continuing”? Are they a family relations psychologist too? Is something else going on here you have not told us?

Lol.

A lawyer turning down court fees and a contempt of court counter-party $$$$$$.

Np. Lol. I always laugh when people say ‘oh my lawyer says this’ without realizing they are not an unbiased source. They want work and fees. DUH.

- lawyer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the situation. I filed for divorce from my W of 25 years over a year ago. We are coming up on a court date in June. W never hired a lawyer. She asked the court for a continuance and her request was denied. She is now in full panic mode. My DD has called my several times almost begging me to give her mother more time. She says my unwillingness to give more time to her mom shows what kind of man I am. Fit background I did offer a separation and property settlement that my W threw in the trash and then waited six months before filing for divorce. W says she never read anything my lawyer sent, and she has claimed she never saw the original complaint b/c DD threw it away. I love my DD, but feel her mother is manipulating her and that if I don’t bend I may have an irreparable break with her. My lawyer advised against continuing. I’m feeling very stressed. WWYD?

Give her a continuance. Wtf is wrong with you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My lawyer advises against the continuance. Her reasons? We risk the court resetting all the deadlines in the order- which prejudices us as we have already met deadlines and filed everything, so she has our exhibits and would be able to file things she missed before.

I caught W hiding assets. Continuance might allow her to move them.

I am happy to settle out of court, but W needs to come to the table. She doesn't like an equitable distribution of assets, where she would receive about $1.7 million and I would receive $1.3 million. She keeps the marital residence. I keep a jointly owned marital property. We each hold our retirements. So, no, not a SAHM being left high and dry. Adultery and other factors mitigate against her. I feel I am being fair and generous, and can easily see a judge approving this. W wants more than a 60/40 split, where she gets half of my retirement and keeps hers, as well as half equity in the marital residence and half equity in the investment property—not going to wash. I told my D that I am protecting everyone's interests.

What does this mean? I don’t think adultery matters in cases these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question - no, I would not divorce if I were to cause a deep rift with my child. My children come first, and our relationship needs to be preserved. I’m the parent, so I make the sacrifice.

Np. Ditto ditto ditto. Marriages are tough. People are imperfect. But my family is important to me and I keep it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the fire OP? What are you trying to accomplish at your age that another six months is going to genuinely affect? You clearly want the divorce and your wife doesn’t. That happens all the time. So this is where the rubber meets the road: give her a continuance and let her know this is her opportunity to find representation and if she does not, she’ll suffer the consequences. You don’t have to live in an unhappy marriage. But there are lots of ways to exit a marriage without swinging a bat on your way out.

You can explain all this with kindness to your daughter, and if you’re genuine, your daughter will see that. If you are leaving a stay at home mom high and dry in her 60s who is about to live at the poverty line, it doesn’t matter what you do with the continuance because you’ll lose your kid.

FWIW, my dad left my mom for his AP. My mom is now remarried and living a great life. Dad was married a P until she died of a chronic ill illness many years later. Everyone would say that everyone moved on in my family and got along great. Privately, I will tell you that I grew up watching my mom lay on the couch on NYE and I’ve never forgiven my father. Have I moved on? Sure. I wasn’t given a choice. But he’s a selfish man, full stop.

Why do I think that’s the same thing op is planning on…

probably.

that's why the OP only selectively responds to posters, not the ones asking WHY THE DIVORCE?

OP here. I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery, cruelty and constructive desertion. W had a several affairs, the last with a partner at the former law firm where she worked. That office romance blew up in her face. She was fired from her job, partner had to leave the firm. That answer enough?

It’d that’s supposedly true why you twiddling your thumbs here on dcum not knowing how to supposedly divorce or speak with your supposed adult daughter.

+1. Tell your daughter the truth about her moms affairs, but only if you don’t have similar indiscretions.

So mature