Would You Divorce If Adult Child Would Reject You?

[Anonymous]

How much do you really care about your kid? Serious question.

My parents threw me away over Trump's DEI initiatives - they aren't even in the workforce, but decided this was a hill in which to sacrifice the relationships with their daughters over. Both their daughters lost jobs and they insisted it was for the better. Yeah, they didn't love us more than Trump. So, if you prefer being "right" over your kid, just go for it. You don't need to outsource this, because only you can decide if you're willing to sacrifice her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you filed a year ago and your wife hasn't gotten a lawyer, giving her more time isn't going to change that. Judges and courts HATE pro se litigants, so if there were any slightly good reason to give a continuance, the judge would have granted it and your lawyer would be recommending you give her more time. Instead, everyone sees that this is stalling with no end in sight.

As a parent, I feel for you. But I do think that if your daughter is choosing sides, then you're already on the way out of her life and a continuance isn't going to change that.

+1. I would email your daughter that you love her very much but there are some things that are between you and her mother. Out of respect to her and her mother, you will not discuss details of your marriage and divorce with her.

I would try to do it in person. Invite her to dinner. State your case. Share details as necessary to defend yourself against accusations. Try to save this relationship. If she's your only daughter, you'll regret letting her go. Keep doing things with her to save the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you really care about your kid? Serious question.

My parents threw me away over Trump's DEI initiatives - they aren't even in the workforce, but decided this was a hill in which to sacrifice the relationships with their daughters over. Both their daughters lost jobs and they insisted it was for the better. Yeah, they didn't love us more than Trump. So, if you prefer being "right" over your kid, just go for it. You don't need to outsource this, because only you can decide if you're willing to sacrifice her.

Why did Trump ruin your relationship with your parents? My dad is a Trumper - but Fox News has been blasting in their house since I can remember, so it's not like it was anything new when he voted the party line, as he's done my entire life. We haven't talked about politics since I was about 16. We agree to disagree. And we remain a loving family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you really care about your kid? Serious question.

My parents threw me away over Trump's DEI initiatives - they aren't even in the workforce, but decided this was a hill in which to sacrifice the relationships with their daughters over. Both their daughters lost jobs and they insisted it was for the better. Yeah, they didn't love us more than Trump. So, if you prefer being "right" over your kid, just go for it. You don't need to outsource this, because only you can decide if you're willing to sacrifice her

Absolutely. I like pps option of giving one continuance and noting after that it’s going hell or high water. If you want a relationship with your daughter, are a few extra months not worth that?

People who say she will get over it are simply guessing. Being that she’s already asked this and told you that she’s judging “what kind of man you are” by (I assume) being “mean” to her mom, it doesn’t sound like she’s the type to roll over and play nice. Give the continuance, you can even say it’s for her (dd), but that you both need to move on with your lives. I bet she’d throw her arms around you and give you a big hug, appreciating that you hear her and show that tiny sliver of care to her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you really care about your kid? Serious question.

My parents threw me away over Trump's DEI initiatives - they aren't even in the workforce, but decided this was a hill in which to sacrifice the relationships with their daughters over. Both their daughters lost jobs and they insisted it was for the better. Yeah, they didn't love us more than Trump. So, if you prefer being "right" over your kid, just go for it. You don't need to outsource this, because only you can decide if you're willing to sacrifice her

Absolutely. I like pps option of giving one continuance and noting after that it’s going hell or high water. If you want a relationship with your daughter, are a few extra months not worth that?

People who say she will get over it are simply guessing. Being that she’s already asked this and told you that she’s judging “what kind of man you are” by (I assume) being “mean” to her mom, it doesn’t sound like she’s the type to roll over and play nice. Give the continuance, you can even say it’s for her (dd), but that you both need to move on with your lives. I bet she’d throw her arms around you and give you a big hug, appreciating that you hear her and show that tiny sliver of care to her mom.

I totally agree with this poster. Give your ex a one-time continuance as a gift to your adult daughter. Meet with your adult daughter and tell her you are doing it for her, but no more continuances will be granted after this. Also, tell her that just because you are getting a divorce, you will always be there for her. At the end of your life, family is all that matters. Repair and take control of your relationship with your daughter. Get your ex out of it for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Kindly suggest your daughter mind her own business and stay out of her parents legal matters that don't concern her.

It DOES concern her. Saying this will cut you off forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you filed a year ago and your wife hasn't gotten a lawyer, giving her more time isn't going to change that. Judges and courts HATE pro se litigants, so if there were any slightly good reason to give a continuance, the judge would have granted it and your lawyer would be recommending you give her more time. Instead, everyone sees that this is stalling with no end in sight.

As a parent, I feel for you. But I do think that if your daughter is choosing sides, then you're already on the way out of her life and a continuance isn't going to change that.

+1. I would email your daughter that you love her very much but there are some things that are between you and her mother. Out of respect to her and her mother, you will not discuss details of your marriage and divorce with her.

This is the oldest excuse in the book. And a good way to permanently damage the relationship forever. Tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you filed a year ago and your wife hasn't gotten a lawyer, giving her more time isn't going to change that. Judges and courts HATE pro se litigants, so if there were any slightly good reason to give a continuance, the judge would have granted it and your lawyer would be recommending you give her more time. Instead, everyone sees that this is stalling with no end in sight.

As a parent, I feel for you. But I do think that if your daughter is choosing sides, then you're already on the way out of her life and a continuance isn't going to change that.

+1. I would email your daughter that you love her very much but there are some things that are between you and her mother. Out of respect to her and her mother, you will not discuss details of your marriage and divorce with her.

This is the oldest excuse in the book. And a good way to permanently damage the relationship forever. Tread carefully.

You think he should tell the DD his version of events? Sounds like a bad idea to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you filed a year ago and your wife hasn't gotten a lawyer, giving her more time isn't going to change that. Judges and courts HATE pro se litigants, so if there were any slightly good reason to give a continuance, the judge would have granted it and your lawyer would be recommending you give her more time. Instead, everyone sees that this is stalling with no end in sight.

As a parent, I feel for you. But I do think that if your daughter is choosing sides, then you're already on the way out of her life and a continuance isn't going to change that.

+1. I would email your daughter that you love her very much but there are some things that are between you and her mother. Out of respect to her and her mother, you will not discuss details of your marriage and divorce with her.

This is the oldest excuse in the book. And a good way to permanently damage the relationship forever. Tread carefully.

You think he should tell the DD his version of events? Sounds like a bad idea to me.

Yes. The relationship with his DD is worth fighting for.

[Anonymous]

Where’s the fire OP? What are you trying to accomplish at your age that another six months is going to genuinely affect? You clearly want the divorce and your wife doesn’t. That happens all the time. So this is where the rubber meets the road: give her a continuance and let her know this is her opportunity to find representation and if she does not, she’ll suffer the consequences. You don’t have to live in an unhappy marriage. But there are lots of ways to exit a marriage without swinging a bat on your way out.

You can explain all this with kindness to your daughter, and if you’re genuine, your daughter will see that. If you are leaving a stay at home mom high and dry in her 60s who is about to live at the poverty line, it doesn’t matter what you do with the continuance because you’ll lose your kid.

FWIW, my dad left my mom for his AP. My mom is now remarried and living a great life. Dad was married a P until she died of a chronic ill illness many years later. Everyone would say that everyone moved on in my family and got along great. Privately, I will tell you that I grew up watching my mom lay on the couch on NYE and I’ve never forgiven my father. Have I moved on? Sure. I wasn’t given a choice. But he’s a selfish man, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you filed a year ago and your wife hasn't gotten a lawyer, giving her more time isn't going to change that. Judges and courts HATE pro se litigants, so if there were any slightly good reason to give a continuance, the judge would have granted it and your lawyer would be recommending you give her more time. Instead, everyone sees that this is stalling with no end in sight.

As a parent, I feel for you. But I do think that if your daughter is choosing sides, then you're already on the way out of her life and a continuance isn't going to change that.

+1. I would email your daughter that you love her very much but there are some things that are between you and her mother. Out of respect to her and her mother, you will not discuss details of your marriage and divorce with her.

What does this even mean? How is it respectful to dd and xw to not discuss this? That sounds like lip service garbage, and no one actually takes it seriously because it means nothing. She will just call his bluff on this and it will piss her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Kindly suggest your daughter mind her own business and stay out of her parents legal matters that don't concern her.

It DOES concern her. Saying this will cut you off forever.

That child is WAY too enmeshed in their parents business.

That’s very unhealthy. Along w those threats from
Said child.. but ok.

[Anonymous]

My lawyer advises against the continuance. Her reasons? We risk the court resetting all the deadlines in the order- which prejudices us as we have already met deadlines and filed everything, so she has our exhibits and would be able to file things she missed before.

I caught W hiding assets. Continuance might allow her to move them.

I am happy to settle out of court, but W needs to come to the table. She doesn't like an equitable distribution of assets, where she would receive about $1.7 million and I would receive $1.3 million. She keeps the marital residence. I keep a jointly owned marital property. We each hold our retirements. So, no, not a SAHM being left high and dry. Adultery and other factors mitigate against her. I feel I am being fair and generous, and can easily see a judge approving this. W wants more than a 60/40 split, where she gets half of my retirement and keeps hers, as well as half equity in the marital residence and half equity in the investment property—not going to wash. I told my D that I am protecting everyone's interests.

[Anonymous]

It's an overall sh*tty situation and stressing me a lot. But thanks to those who have heard me here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the fire OP? What are you trying to accomplish at your age that another six months is going to genuinely affect? You clearly want the divorce and your wife doesn’t. That happens all the time. So this is where the rubber meets the road: give her a continuance and let her know this is her opportunity to find representation and if she does not, she’ll suffer the consequences. You don’t have to live in an unhappy marriage. But there are lots of ways to exit a marriage without swinging a bat on your way out.

You can explain all this with kindness to your daughter, and if you’re genuine, your daughter will see that. If you are leaving a stay at home mom high and dry in her 60s who is about to live at the poverty line, it doesn’t matter what you do with the continuance because you’ll lose your kid.

FWIW, my dad left my mom for his AP. My mom is now remarried and living a great life. Dad was married a P until she died of a chronic ill illness many years later. Everyone would say that everyone moved on in my family and got along great. Privately, I will tell you that I grew up watching my mom lay on the couch on NYE and I’ve never forgiven my father. Have I moved on? Sure. I wasn’t given a choice. But he’s a selfish man, full stop.

Why do I think that’s the same thing op is planning on…