Do men actually want a wife? Or is marriage mostly for women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH never really wanted to get married. He viewed it as government interference and only really wanted to legalize it for the tax break.

My current boyfriend said he would definitely get married if I wanted to, but still views it as just a “piece of paper.”

Women seem to usually be the ones to want the ring and giving the ultimatums. It makes me wonder if men care at all about marriage itself?

TROLL

Yes Men want a wife and Yes marriages is mostly FOR MEN.

Who wouldn't want a "wife" to pick up after them, do 95% of the childcare and household managing, also work for a paycheck, vacation plan, cook nutricious meals, dress cute and serve sxual release. Wives are awesome!

Why is this being a troll? Do you actually talk to men? I have male friends who are confirmed bachelors and have never married either. They don’t seem eager to marry. That’s why I’m wondering if it’s usually only women who want marriage.

Most men SAY they want marriage but then demonstrate they don’t know how nor want to be a life partner, or a real parent, even a real homeowner.

It’s a pretty large and sad disconnect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, find men who want to marry you and dump this current guy who doesn’t.

OP here. We are both divorced. I am also unsure if I want to get married again. It’s why I asked the question to see what others have experienced.

Run awaaaaay! Run like the wind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There aren't as many cheaters among women as in among men. Women tend to be more family oriented due to biological urge to have and protect children.

Whelp when the “man” runs off and is first to abandon child and mother that kind of puts the onus on the last one standing, no?

I mean, what if every single mom with an absentee mate just ran off like the male did? Or was a lazy pig in the home? Or neglected ther child(ren) like the males did?

Then, humans would have died out long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the trappings of "getting married" are aimed more at women than men, so I think men are generally less excited than women about engagement and weddings. And actually a lot of what men are told about engagement and weddings is burdensome (it's a lot of "you have to do this or your cheap" or "you have to do that or her parents won't respect you" or whatever) so it shouldn't come as a surprise that a lot of men are like OP's ex or BF and just not enthusiastic.

Meanwhile women get sold on the fairy tale of getting married from a young age. They are told that engagement and the wedding itself are really significant milestones for women, specifically, and both are made extra desirable with the bribe of the ring, the dress, the photos and attention. And social media has amped that up for a lot of women.

But that doesn't have a lot to do with marriage. I think marriage tends to benefit men more than women, especially if there are children. Women tend to make more sacrifices within marriage and offer more of value to the the family unit (on average, on average, of course this is not true of every marriage).

This is why women are more likely to file for divorce.

So to answer OP: men do want a wife but they want one without the burdens of proposing and a wedding, which is understandable because those things tend to be pretty shallow and not really geared towards men at all. But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it, whereas women are more likely to question the value of the actual marriage even though the proposal/engagement/wedding is more geared towards them.

Why do lesbians divorce at the highest rate and gay men the lowest? Women are the problem, not men.

Doesn’t this just prove the point above that women are more independent and can function on their own, but men very much need a partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted to get married more than I did. We were pretty young at the time. But it did save us money just on stuff like health insurance.

Setting up the paperwork to cover all the legal defaults you get from marriage would be pretty expensive. And some benefits like tax things you simply can't write around.

A marriage is significantly less commitment than a shared child.

You know there's only really a tax benefit it one of you doesn't work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH wanted to get married and have kids. I do think men like having kids. You need a wife or at least a woman to have the kid with and raise the kid with.

Men want kids the way kids want a dog.

Lol

Touche!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There aren't as many cheaters among women as in among men. Women tend to be more family oriented due to biological urge to have and protect children.

Whelp when the “man” runs off and is first to abandon child and mother that kind of puts the onus on the last one standing, no?

I mean, what if every single mom with an absentee mate just ran off like the male did? Or was a lazy pig in the home? Or neglected ther child(ren) like the males did?

Then, humans would have died out long ago.

Let’s do it! Let’s all behave like men!!

[Anonymous]

Children and dependents be damned!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the trappings of "getting married" are aimed more at women than men, so I think men are generally less excited than women about engagement and weddings. And actually a lot of what men are told about engagement and weddings is burdensome (it's a lot of "you have to do this or your cheap" or "you have to do that or her parents won't respect you" or whatever) so it shouldn't come as a surprise that a lot of men are like OP's ex or BF and just not enthusiastic.

Meanwhile women get sold on the fairy tale of getting married from a young age. They are told that engagement and the wedding itself are really significant milestones for women, specifically, and both are made extra desirable with the bribe of the ring, the dress, the photos and attention. And social media has amped that up for a lot of women.

But that doesn't have a lot to do with marriage. I think marriage tends to benefit men more than women, especially if there are children. Women tend to make more sacrifices within marriage and offer more of value to the the family unit (on average, on average, of course this is not true of every marriage).

This is why women are more likely to file for divorce.

So to answer OP: men do want a wife but they want one without the burdens of proposing and a wedding, which is understandable because those things tend to be pretty shallow and not really geared towards men at all. But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it, whereas women are more likely to question the value of the actual marriage even though the proposal/engagement/wedding is more geared towards them.

Why do lesbians divorce at the highest rate and gay men the lowest? Women are the problem, not men.

Doesn’t this just prove the point above that women are more independent and can function on their own, but men very much need a partner?

No, actually, not in any sort of way.

[Anonymous]

LOL, seeing as men benefit FAR more than women, yeah. But a man you’re dating who thinks it’s “a piece of paper” just wants to F and doesn’t want to be responsible for maintaining a relationship or children. Eventually these men get married and reap the benefits of having someone do 90% of the labor of raising kids and keeping the house (and make 50% of the money) now too. It’s a bum deal for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wouldn't want a wife? She will literally do anything!

This is the answer right here. I have no doubt that men benefit far more in marriage than women do and they know it. Marriage is a bad deal for women now.

Uh except for the fact that 90 percent of women get to live a substantially better economic lifestyle via marriage than they would if they had to pay their own way. I think women do way better in marriage than men. It’s only once they’ve been married for five years and have the kids and financial circumstances they wanted through marriage, that suddenly they claim marriage is a bad deal for them. It’s only a bad deal at that point because they got what they needed out of it already, and there’s nothing more to squeeze out of it.

Not if men would move the f out of the way and let us work for the same pay and run our own lives. In a heavily patriarchal society, yeah our HHI can be better, but study after study has shown that higher HHI doesn’t necessarily benefit women because their money, IF it makes it past the male in the household, goes directly to the kids.

[Anonymous]

The usual bitter divorcées have shown up to complain about men, but the actual answer is that the difference between individuals is much more significant than any gender based trends. Some men are desperate to get married, some aren't, same as women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it,

Who are all these guys who have domestic slaves to provide cooking, child care, and on-demand sex? My marriage doesn't work like that, and I don't know any guys who are getting that.

This whole bean-counting attitude towards marriage is pernicious. Do you even like your husband? Do you value anything about him besides what he does around the house? Is there anything in your head besides this running balance sheet of "what he gets and what I get" and once it is too far in the red, from your point of view, it's divorce time?

This whole non bean-counting attitude reminds me of people who order steak, appetizer and two drinks when everyone else orders pasta and then suggest to split the bill evenly because “it all evens out over time”. Somehow it’s always the same people doing that, but who is counting, right?