Do men actually want a wife? Or is marriage mostly for women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH never really wanted to get married. He viewed it as government interference and only really wanted to legalize it for the tax break.

My current boyfriend said he would definitely get married if I wanted to, but still views it as just a “piece of paper.”

Women seem to usually be the ones to want the ring and giving the ultimatums. It makes me wonder if men care at all about marriage itself?

Red Flag.

depends. DH felt the same way, but he knew I wanted to be married one day. He proposed a year later. He said he knew I was the one, and that if marriage was important to me, then he had no problems with it. It wasn't that he was against marriage, just that a piece of paper didn't mean much.

-married 21 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating my gf for a year. We are both divorced..A year ago we agreed that marriage wasn't something we are both looking for. Now 13 months later she is starting to drop hints that she "would looooove to be married again" this is is often follow by lots of touches kisses. I just try to ignore it and change the subject quickly. I am a hard no on remarriage. Maybe for some women marriage is the only way they can be guaranteed that a man will commit to them. I don't know.

Why not just have a convo with her? No need to beat around the bush

+1
Stop wasting her time and yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I wonder what the divide between correlation and causation is on this one. It might be, at least in part, that men who are predisposed toward health and happiness are also more attractive to women.

Actually it’s super interesting - it’s the opposite! Unhealthy men marry younger, are less likely to divorce and are more likely to re-marry after divorce/death. Living with someone (even platonically) has great health benefits mainly due to less isolation. Marrid men are more likely to catch heart disease, cancer and other ailments sooner. They are more likely to get treatment for these issues, and they are more likely to survive after. Harvard has a great study on this. All the men b**** about their wives nagging them for this and that, but it’s actually causing them to live longer healthier happier lives - the nagging can’t be that bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 50 years adn divorced. I am not suggesting that women in their late 30s and 40s will rush to marry me, but it's one of the reasons I am dating a woman who is 56. She is divorced and I at this stage in her life there is only a 1% chance she would want to marry me.

I'm 54. If I were to be single again, I would not get married. I have my own finances, and my kids are older.

I can either give him or my adult kids a medical directive. All of my assets would go to my kids.

FWIW, I still think marriage is important, but not when you are our age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

Spoken like a true single man. Have you met women in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating my gf for a year. We are both divorced..A year ago we agreed that marriage wasn't something we are both looking for. Now 13 months later she is starting to drop hints that she "would looooove to be married again" this is is often follow by lots of touches kisses. I just try to ignore it and change the subject quickly. I am a hard no on remarriage. Maybe for some women marriage is the only way they can be guaranteed that a man will commit to them. I don't know.

Why not just have a convo with her? No need to beat around the bush

PP here. Fair enough. I will admit I am acting selfish here because part of me is afraid that of this what she wants now she will be looking for someone seeking that whereas I am happy with the status quo. I know it's selfish of me because I am not letting our relationship evolves in a way that's not going to benefit me.

Yeah, very typical male behavior. You know what she wants, you know it’s not what you want, but you’d rather string her along for easy sex until she gets fed up and leaves on her own. Selfish and lazy, and so so cliche.

May this type of love never find me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Yes, men get to work to support more than just themselves and women get Netflix.

Overwhelming majority of married women work. Men get a maid and cook who also bring in a paycheck.

But this has only been the case for 30 years or so. Pretty insignificant compared to the millennia that marriage has been around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

Spoken like a true single man. Have you met women in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

And the research actually shows women would prefer more variety.

[Anonymous]

Well, a good marriage is good no matter what's your gender is. A bad marriage is bad no matter what's your gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

Spoken like a true single man. Have you met women in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

He is not entirely wrong though. Women by far spend more than time managing the marriage. Hey are the first to see any signs of distress. This to me is a clear indication that marriages means more to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Yes, men get to work to support more than just themselves and women get Netflix.

Overwhelming majority of married women work. Men get a maid and cook who also bring in a paycheck.

But this has only been the case for 30 years or so. Pretty insignificant compared to the millennia that marriage has been around.

Yes, which is what we’re discussing. Current things, not medieval marriage trends. Time to update your references grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

Spoken like a true single man. Have you met women in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

And the research actually shows women would prefer more variety.

If you have an agenda in mind and want to prove a narrative, it's not hard to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

Spoken like a true single man. Have you met women in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

And the research actually shows women would prefer more variety.

Both wish for variety but both can be happily monogamous in a healthy marriage. Yes, they might think of variety but would know better to not jeopardize their good fortune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 50 years adn divorced. I am not suggesting that women in their late 30s and 40s will rush to marry me, but it's one of the reasons I am dating a woman who is 56. She is divorced and I at this stage in her life there is only a 1% chance she would want to marry me.

I mean yes, women in their 20s, 30s or early 40s are often focused on marriage and/or having kids because it's their last chance. This is a no brainer. Even women who aren't sure if they want kids can have their doubts at this age because it's really now or never.

Any man, at any age, who is dating a woman in this age rage should assume that marriage and/or kids are on her radar and if it's not what you want, should be very, very clear about that. The expectation that some men seem to have (not PP who seems realistic) that they are going to find women in their prime (or even past prime) childbearing years who don't care about starting a family is ridiculous. Are there women like this? Sure. Is it the norm? No. Can you *expect* to find someone like this and get annoyed if you don't? Absolutely not. This is human biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the trappings of "getting married" are aimed more at women than men, so I think men are generally less excited than women about engagement and weddings. And actually a lot of what men are told about engagement and weddings is burdensome (it's a lot of "you have to do this or your cheap" or "you have to do that or her parents won't respect you" or whatever) so it shouldn't come as a surprise that a lot of men are like OP's ex or BF and just not enthusiastic.

Meanwhile women get sold on the fairy tale of getting married from a young age. They are told that engagement and the wedding itself are really significant milestones for women, specifically, and both are made extra desirable with the bribe of the ring, the dress, the photos and attention. And social media has amped that up for a lot of women.

But that doesn't have a lot to do with marriage. I think marriage tends to benefit men more than women, especially if there are children. Women tend to make more sacrifices within marriage and offer more of value to the the family unit (on average, on average, of course this is not true of every marriage).

This is why women are more likely to file for divorce.

So to answer OP: men do want a wife but they want one without the burdens of proposing and a wedding, which is understandable because those things tend to be pretty shallow and not really geared towards men at all. But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it, whereas women are more likely to question the value of the actual marriage even though the proposal/engagement/wedding is more geared towards them.

Are you a man or a woman?