Do men actually want a wife? Or is marriage mostly for women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I work in demography. The difference is not that big in terms of years and health outcomes. This narrative has been pushed for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My XH never really wanted to get married. He viewed it as government interference and only really wanted to legalize it for the tax break.

My current boyfriend said he would definitely get married if I wanted to, but still views it as just a “piece of paper.”

Women seem to usually be the ones to want the ring and giving the ultimatums. It makes me wonder if men care at all about marriage itself?

Your post makes little sense.

Men don’t want legal marriage but do what the role of roommate who’s also their personal homemaker, childcare worker, cook, planner, and sexy time?

And you then say “Yes sir, sounds fantastic.”?.

I assume neither of you want kids or a stable home or life for them. Or legal rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I have learned is to pay attention to your spouse's parents and if they had a good marriage.

My spouse's parents hate each other and have been divorced for decades. Almost every single adult member of their family over 50 has been divorced at least once.

I feel marriage benefits men more for health reasons since women do so much caretaking but unfortunately women do better financially when married but not so much emotionally.

You should have told me 10 years ago. I know 4 women from my ex wife's family that are divorced. My ex's wife mother never married. But I never judged my wife based on her upbringing because I feel it's not always fair to do so. It is hard to say exactly who is primarily responsible for a failed marriage, but it's hard to ignore the failed marriages of 4 close siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My XH never really wanted to get married. He viewed it as government interference and only really wanted to legalize it for the tax break.

My current boyfriend said he would definitely get married if I wanted to, but still views it as just a “piece of paper.”

Women seem to usually be the ones to want the ring and giving the ultimatums. It makes me wonder if men care at all about marriage itself?

I would argue that most men aren't that into marriage or at least certainly not the wedding BS.

But most men do want a wife appliance, yes.

This board is overrun with threads about the age old battle between entitled men and the women they've tried to turn into their wife appliance.

Presumably I don't need to explain what a wife appliance is.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the trappings of "getting married" are aimed more at women than men, so I think men are generally less excited than women about engagement and weddings. And actually a lot of what men are told about engagement and weddings is burdensome (it's a lot of "you have to do this or your cheap" or "you have to do that or her parents won't respect you" or whatever) so it shouldn't come as a surprise that a lot of men are like OP's ex or BF and just not enthusiastic.

Meanwhile women get sold on the fairy tale of getting married from a young age. They are told that engagement and the wedding itself are really significant milestones for women, specifically, and both are made extra desirable with the bribe of the ring, the dress, the photos and attention. And social media has amped that up for a lot of women.

But that doesn't have a lot to do with marriage. I think marriage tends to benefit men more than women, especially if there are children. Women tend to make more sacrifices within marriage and offer more of value to the the family unit (on average, on average, of course this is not true of every marriage).

This is why women are more likely to file for divorce.

So to answer OP: men do want a wife but they want one without the burdens of proposing and a wedding, which is understandable because those things tend to be pretty shallow and not really geared towards men at all. But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it, whereas women are more likely to question the value of the actual marriage even though the proposal/engagement/wedding is more geared towards them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating my gf for a year. We are both divorced..A year ago we agreed that marriage wasn't something we are both looking for. Now 13 months later she is starting to drop hints that she "would looooove to be married again" this is is often follow by lots of touches kisses. I just try to ignore it and change the subject quickly. I am a hard no on remarriage. Maybe for some women marriage is the only way they can be guaranteed that a man will commit to them. I don't know.

Why not just have a convo with her? No need to beat around the bush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I work in demography. The difference is not that big in terms of years and health outcomes. This narrative has been pushed for a long time.

So they live longer and are happier, just not “that big of a difference”. Just happier and healthy. Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But once married, men tend to get quite a bit out of it,

Who are all these guys who have domestic slaves to provide cooking, child care, and on-demand sex? My marriage doesn't work like that, and I don't know any guys who are getting that.

This whole bean-counting attitude towards marriage is pernicious. Do you even like your husband? Do you value anything about him besides what he does around the house? Is there anything in your head besides this running balance sheet of "what he gets and what I get" and once it is too far in the red, from your point of view, it's divorce time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I wonder what the divide between correlation and causation is on this one. It might be, at least in part, that men who are predisposed toward health and happiness are also more attractive to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I work in demography. The difference is not that big in terms of years and health outcomes. This narrative has been pushed for a long time.

So they live longer and are happier, just not “that big of a difference”. Just happier and healthy. Cool.

If they get 30 mins extra women will call it a win for men lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought men get more out of marriage than women.

Married men are healthier than single or divorced men, they live longer and are happier. Men get a lot of value out of marriage, far beyond monetary.

I wonder what the divide between correlation and causation is on this one. It might be, at least in part, that men who are predisposed toward health and happiness are also more attractive to women.

Men suppress their feelings more than women. Some people do live longer but suffering in silence as well..when women are not happy they take actions they speak up..when men are miserable in a marriage they will choose to suffer in silence instead. Women take as sign that they do so because they get a lot from the marriage. If men spoke up and took action we wouldn't see women filing for divorce more. Now by default the assumption is that men are responsible for a failed marriage. This works to the benefit of women who are cheaters terrible spouses etc because society automatically will give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Do married women live longer than single women? I'm curious to lazy to Google it.

[Anonymous]

I think if men want to start a family they would prefer to be married. Women are the same way, but I think women are also seeking a lifelong partner. Men are as as well but IMO it's less important to them. A women would prefer to have sex with the same man for 20 years whereas a man if he is allowed he would prefer to have sex with 20 different women. Now feminists say that my point of view is rooted in sexism. Maybe they are right I have no idea. Or is it nature/biology? I don't know. I think marriage has a far deeper meaning to women..in fact they spend far more time managing the marriage. They tend to be very proud of their husbands and to show them off. Women talk about their husbands far more than men talk about their wives.

I'm bracing for the feminists to attack me lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating my gf for a year. We are both divorced..A year ago we agreed that marriage wasn't something we are both looking for. Now 13 months later she is starting to drop hints that she "would looooove to be married again" this is is often follow by lots of touches kisses. I just try to ignore it and change the subject quickly. I am a hard no on remarriage. Maybe for some women marriage is the only way they can be guaranteed that a man will commit to them. I don't know.

Why not just have a convo with her? No need to beat around the bush

PP here. Fair enough. I will admit I am acting selfish here because part of me is afraid that of this what she wants now she will be looking for someone seeking that whereas I am happy with the status quo. I know it's selfish of me because I am not letting our relationship evolves in a way that's not going to benefit me.

[Anonymous]

I am 50 years adn divorced. I am not suggesting that women in their late 30s and 40s will rush to marry me, but it's one of the reasons I am dating a woman who is 56. She is divorced and I at this stage in her life there is only a 1% chance she would want to marry me.